Why must men piss so loud???

[BibbityBobbityBellend]

I've been working today in the dining room which is open plan to the stairs. At the top of the stairs is the bathroom. Every time I've taken a call today, DH has had a wee and it sounded like a bucket of water being poured. It's embarrassing. He doesn't do this all the time and I generally don't pay too much attention. I was mortified each time. Sounds like that carry over headsets.

I do remember my dad going to the bathroom in a non-open plan house and somehow everyone could hear him weeing. We would have guests, some of them his friends and some mine and we would look at each other shocked and horrified.

So I know two men that do it. I think that means all men do it. Can you all confirm???

How can they be so fucking unaware? Or have I done the typical and married my bloody dad????

This is half lighthearted/half how can I murder him in his sleep and get away with it!

@NiceGerbil like that but without the groaning. If he groaned I don't think he'd make it out alive.

Also, I'm only one month into this new job so could do without them thinking I'm married to some sort of race horse/bellend

And he pisses all over the seat. THEN LIFTS IT UP SO I PUT IT DOWN THINKING ITS UP BECAUSE HE HAS HAD A WEE AND SIT ON IT

For that alone, OP, I think you should LTB!

I trained both the men / boys in my household to pee sitting down. We don't have any of the piss round the seat / floor / walls / thunder piss issues.

@LakieLady wise words. I should. I dream of the day that I know the toilet is ok to place my ever wider arse on.

Brilliant clip though first thing I thought of when I read your op

We don’t muffle the toilet with our thighs and butts like you do when you sit down. I have heard women pee and it sounds like way more pressure.

Oh yes. When I was really young my soon to be step dad moved in with me and my mum. I remember asking my mum why he was being sick every morning. Turns out that was just the racket he made having a wee

It’s because they stand up so it has to travel further to the bowl..
I really don’t think it’s done on purpose, how bizarre to think that

@Goosefoot

Gravity?

Also - poor design, talk to the architect.

I remember reading an etiquette book once, maybe Emily Post, where she maintained that no one outside of a bathroom or toilet can ever hear anything that goes on inside, unless someone faints or calls for help.

Isn't it all about physics? If women peed from the same height as men it would probably be as loud, as it is women conceal the sound by sitting on the seat!

"d"h seems to be unable to go for a walk without having a "nice sit down" every 5 minutes at every bloody bench he sees

yet he is apparently unable to sit on the loo to wee and instead has to piss louder than the fucking niagra falls and splash wee everywhere

RAAAAAAAGGGGE

DH puts paper on first to middle the noise

BibbityBobbity long time no see if you are who I think you are.

Mine makes the racehorse noise. He doesn't hold it to direct it, he just stands there kind of like Butters from Southpark if you ever saw that episode.

It sets off my misophonia so bad.

Hate to be all NAMALT, but there were two clear culprits in our office out of ten people. Both men. Both grim.

Aim at the side = quiet. Aim at the water = noise. The trouble is that aiming is nowhere near as easy as you may think and accuracy declines with age.

@Fluffybutter of course it's on purpose. If it wasn't, he'd realise he could no longer hear himself think and then aim it to the side.

Our thighs don't muffle the sound. If we hit water it's the same. Less loud but the same sound.

He could learn to sit down and use the toilet that way. Sadly most men pee everywhere and poo down the back of the pan, then leave it there, because they’ve never had to clean it up.

Yes both DS’ & DH sound like race horses pissing. God knows how they manage to store up so much piss either - goes on for ages.

I imagine there are a few factors like the shape and depth of water in the bowl, height of man, pressure of pee, volume of pee etc. (Probably makes more noise if desperate) Remember men are hitting water from a much higher height if standing. Also when you sit the noise is somewhat contained. Never actually considered it til now. I'm sore there are more, and also plenty solutions to suggest.

[quote BibbityBobbityBellend]@Fluffybutter of course it's on purpose. If it wasn't, he'd realise he could no longer hear himself think and then aim it to the side.

Our thighs don't muffle the sound. If we hit water it's the same. Less loud but the same sound. [/quote]
But as we sit down we are closer to the water so it’s not as loud as peeing from a height like men do by standing up .
Aiming for the side just increases the chances of piss splashing everywhere.
Just seems another pointless thing to get worked up about .

My dh’s reasoning is that if it’s hitting the water that means it’s not going everywhere else but straight into the toilet bowl so I should be grateful for the racket!

@Coffee4Queen

My dh’s reasoning is that if it’s hitting the water that means it’s not going everywhere else but straight into the toilet bowl so I should be grateful for the racket!

To be fair if you hit the side of the bowl instead the bowl, seat and your legs get sprayed with wee. If you just hit the water there isn’t any spray.

@Coffee4Queen

My dh’s reasoning is that if it’s hitting the water that means it’s not going everywhere else but straight into the toilet bowl so I should be grateful for the racket!

I'm with your DH!

I think the main issue, as well as all of the hitherto mentioned factors, is that men just don't care about the noise.

How many threads do you read on MN where women are agonising about the mortifying shame of being found out using work/public toilets to have a poo or somebody hearing them fart or coming in after them to a bad stink?

Blokes just don't care about people knowing that they're using a toilet for standard natural toilet-going purposes, so they feel no need to try to minimise the signs or keep it secret in any way.