Why must men piss so loud???

[BibbityBobbityBellend]

I've been working today in the dining room which is open plan to the stairs. At the top of the stairs is the bathroom. Every time I've taken a call today, DH has had a wee and it sounded like a bucket of water being poured. It's embarrassing. He doesn't do this all the time and I generally don't pay too much attention. I was mortified each time. Sounds like that carry over headsets.

I do remember my dad going to the bathroom in a non-open plan house and somehow everyone could hear him weeing. We would have guests, some of them his friends and some mine and we would look at each other shocked and horrified.

So I know two men that do it. I think that means all men do it. Can you all confirm???

How can they be so fucking unaware? Or have I done the typical and married my bloody dad????

This is half lighthearted/half how can I murder him in his sleep and get away with it!

It's not just men. I hear the same sound from DW at about 3am every night. It doesn't help that she doesn't close the bathroom door. It's not even the en-suite, but the bathroom down the corridor, and it sounds like a large bucket of water is being poured into a full bath, right next to my ear.

I don't think a standing man can control the sound, he needs to aim for the water to prevent splashing. Also not realistic to expect them to to try to reduce flow-rate. Pressure has to be consistent in order to hit the water, if it fluctuates then you're in danger of under or overshooting, missing the water. Realistically the only option men have to reduce sound is to sit. That's a valid option though.

Never noticed this
Also maybe because he has "further to go" than me as in I sit and he does from higher lol, bound to be noisier

If men aiming directly at the water and the resulting jarring power-splash sound is a problem, some budding wannabe millionaire ought to invent a new design of toilet made of metal and featuring multiple surfaces on the inside.

What man would ever want to waste a precious wee when, with practice over time, he could perfectly micturate The Yellow Rose Of Texas or Danny Boy in a steel-drum-inspired bog?! Just have to enforce a strict 'no dancing' policy with the more upbeat numbers, though.

Genius!

I make no effort to wee quietly at home (unless we’ve got guests!) but make every effort if out. Especially communal toilets.

If DH sits it’s noiseless, if he stands it’s a Niagra Falls soundtrack 😜

@Bargebill19

He could learn to sit down and use the toilet that way. Sadly most men pee everywhere and poo down the back of the pan, then leave it there, because they’ve never had to clean it up.

After my OH died in March I found myself actually missing seeing the oily yellow stains on the back of the loo, oily thinks to cholestral medication apparently.

@FallonsTeaRoom

I've heard some women wee so loudly you would think you're in the next cubicle to Niagara Falls, to be fair. Especially bad at work when you have to pretend you didn't just hear the raging torrent from your team leader!

I used to work with a woman who peed so loud and fast you’d think a horse was using the cubicle next to you the volume was astounding too, went on for ages! It was a standing joke on my team that you knew who’d come out of the cubicle before they did. I was just impressed at how hardcore her pelvic floor muscles must be

@keeprocking

Sorry for your loss. 💐 sad and odd the small things we miss when people die.

(I work as a cleaner. - the toilets I have seen do make me wonder about people’s hygiene expectations. )

Sure they can pee on the side but it doesn't always go in the direction its pointing so doing that risks peeing on the floor.

My DP pisses on the ceramic so it's fine. My dad and brother piss straight into the water and it sounds like someone running a bath. It's vile.

Apparently if you stick a cork in they naturally aim for that. It doesn't flush away by all accounts.

I don't quite believe that so I haven't tried it

I was on a train late one night when a drunk girl got on and did a wee between the rows of seats on the floor.

Apart from being an odd thing to do, the noise was astonishing.

@CoronaIsWatching

My DP pisses on the ceramic so it's fine. My dad and brother piss straight into the water and it sounds like someone running a bath. It's vile.

That means his legs/trousers get covered in a fine spray of pee 🤢

Apparently if you stick a cork in they naturally aim for that.

If you do that then they won't need/be able to go at all

DP has got to an age where muscle tone isn't as good as it use to be. That means whenever he relaxes to pee, his bumhole relaxes too. So we endure the loud peeing with the added bonus of a long drawn out faaaaaart at the same time. And his response? "Good arse." 🙄

After my OH died in March I found myself actually missing seeing the oily yellow stains on the back of the loo,

Sorry for your loss keeprocking, I know what you mean - I missed DHs drool patches on the pillows for quite a while.

I thought it was because of standing up, it has further to fall, like a waterfall of urine My (male) dog is a noisy pisser, instead of lifting a leg, he does a sort of half press-up.

It gives me the rage when my DH goes for a piss. He is another noisy fucker.