The Covid Friend Pruning *slight title tweak by MNHQ*

[Lalaloveyou2020]

Did anyone else emerge from lockdown and realise that they actually preferred not having to spend time with certain friends? I have a friend group that has been on the go since school (long time ago!). After lockdown we met up and the group dynamics just seemed so obviously dysfunctional after such a long time apart. I have since distanced myself from friend who always offers insults disguised as jokes and another friend who expects priority treatment but then drops you when it suits her. It's been liberating. I don't know if it's just that I got so comfortable with my own company that i can't tolerate people like I used to. Or if such a lengthy enforced separation highlighted the issues that are normally glossed over with familiarity. Just wondering if anyone else has found the same?

Yes I've found the same. And I'm finding it liberating

This has happened for me as well and I’m loving it too.

I'm not friends with people out of habit, so no. One or two people's attitudes towards the restrictions have caused me to reevaluate my perception of them though .

Rather unpleasant title.

Some people have had a very much unwanted cull of friends and family.

I have had the opposite and have wanted to reconnect with a couple of friends I where the friendship has drifted in recent years.

However, I'm loving not having to see my SIL but that's a seperate issue

Nope, not at all. FWIW I don’t have any sort of ‘friendship group’ really, just a disparate bunch of individual friends I’ve picked up from different places along the way, so perhaps that’s part of it. And my capacity to actively be much of a friend has been frayed through years of single parenthood, so again I guess maybe that’s already acted as a bit of a filter for friendships where one or the other of us couldn’t really be bothered.

I kind of did this when I had kids. Realised most friends were actually merely acquaintances who I used to drink with.

@CovidClara

Rather unpleasant title.

Some people have had a very much unwanted cull of friends and family.

Terrible things happen often, and whilst its awful and sad and Im genuinely sorry for losses, you cant expect everyone else in the world to alter their actions just in case someone is offended by something, quite frankly, inoffensive.

I have. I love most of my friends but I realised one was analysing everything in the context of self care and didn’t actually care about anyone else. Had been the same for years and I feel a bit bad cutting her loose in a pandemic but I’d had enough. The pandemic got to me too. I realise now she’d been annoying me for years actually.

I’ve managed to see everyone I actually care about over summer. It made me realise who I didn’t care about seeing, and those people haven’t contacted me either so it’s probably mutual

I’ve let a rather one sided friendship drift. Realised when we met up, 90% of time was all about her. Id started to feel more like a counsellor .
More cheerfully, I’ve reconnected with a neighbour and we’ve been going out for walks most weeks.

Yep I’ve let a couple drift. One friend, my closest, is going through a tough time and she bubbled with another single mum but seems to think none of the rules apply to her. I love her but I’m really struggling. If she’s choosing to break the rules that’s one thing but stop plastering is all over Instagram. It’s not the rule of 6 family groups!!! Her plus 3dc, friend plus 2dc, her mum and dad, her brother, sil and daughter, friend and her 4dc, her other brother and his girlfriend. “ oh but we need outside so that’s fine” No it isn’t and the photos showed missing and hugging ffs. She’s always very laid back but I’m really worried she’ll dump me because I refuse to come to her parties in her garden.

I just love being friendless. Women get on my nerves.. they ‘Corkscrew’ question me. In other words they are so intimidating, wanting detailed answers to everything. Can’t stand it.

So happy not to see anyone.

@ilovesooty

I'm not friends with people out of habit, so no. One or two people's attitudes towards the restrictions have caused me to reevaluate my perception of them though .

Same here. Have ended a couple of friendships as they decided the rules didnt apply to them. I think it’s magnified the selfishness in some.

I distanced myself from one friend who was screaming at and lecturing me that I shouldn't drive to visit my vulnerable mother after 8 weeks because its "against the rules".

It's helped me clarify which friendships are a two way street that bring something positive to me
And which are all me making an effort
I won't be making that one way effort anymore
It's not been a major cull
More a little pruning
But I feel better for it

Pruning is a better term than cull! It's interesting to hear that other people are having a slightly similar experience.

Dh gave up drinking and lost all his friends. There was less to miss during covid.

@CovidClara

Rather unpleasant title.

Some people have had a very much unwanted cull of friends and family.

username isn't that brilliant either if we are going to get on the subject.

username isn't that brilliant either if we are going to get on the subject

I have Covid and changed my name to run a thread on symptoms.

havent been to a pub since March very liberating !

No because as I get older I'm much less interested in stricking up new friendships with people I wouldnt normally choose to be around. If I meet someone who repeatedly grates on me I just distance myself anyway.

I only have a handful of friends, not a troop of acquaintances. Quality over quantity. Not to say a friend has to be perfect, but at least 50:50 five and take

@Classicbrunette

Me too. Last friend I had was around 8 years ago (I’m 52) and her comments about council house people in the village we lived in at the time just instantly made me forget the friendship thereon. She was supposed to be fully inclusive of everyone....I sat in the pub with her and the other strangers she’d invited out with us to make new friends with, just embarrassed that I was associated with her. She is so fake

She styled herself as a rainbow triber with all the cliche dress code and Aww Hun you’re so creative claptrap, and then starts groups called ‘sew and bitch’ and became the biggest Queen Bee in the village.

I’m very attracted to alternative interests-type women, but then I find out they’re not as spiritual, wholesome and kind as they very verbally made themselves out to be.

So I’ve just given up for good. Every time I meet a woman who I feel a friendship could be made with, she turns out to be actually quite gossipy and confrontational.
Male friendships are easier. Straightforward talk, no backstabbing, no mind games, no superficial gossip, yes or no answers, practical not emotional solutions to problems. I’m safely generalising on this one I think. [shrug emoji)

I've cut one acquaintance loose.

She's always been dismissive/cold towards me and has a really neggy attitude (like the negging that PUAs use) but wants to be included whenever I arrange anything related to our mutual hobby . All take and no give. She also has an annoying habit of laughing at me when she thinks I've done something 'stupid' or is just weirdly guarded when I engage her in conversation.

Everything just points me toward the fact that she doesn't like me much and/or doesn't like my company. I respect that. I don't expect or need everyone I meet to think I'm wonderful and want to be my best friend or even a close friend. I'm sure I'm not lots of people's cups of tea!!! Th last thing I want to do is annoy her any more by foisting my presence on her. How irritating would that be?

I'm beginning to really dislike doing things with friends via zoom or online. I WFH in our study at my computer, and don't like socialising in the same bloody room all the time as well, so only have the emotional energy for people who act like they enjoy my company.

She's currently sighing in a 'woe is me' way about not being included and having to give up her hobbies. I'm not deliberately excluding her by not letting other people we know arrange things with her or anything petty or cruel like that. I'm just not contacting her to invite her when I'm making plans with people.

As far as our friendship is concerned she's reaping what she sowed.