Pervy Driving Instructor from Years Ago??

[purplesky18]

So a bit of backstory, I was learning to drive roughly around 6 years ago now. I must've been 17 just turning 18 at the time. I picked a reliable driving school that is very well known in my area.

My driving instructor seemed happy and friendly at first. Would make me laugh during lessons and generally seemed like a nice guy. He must've been early 30s when he began teaching me. I also had a boyfriend at the time. All was going great until around 10 lessons in when I noticed he would start making near the knuckle comments. Things like 'oh I bet you like going reverse don't you' and generally starting making strange comments about my relationship at the time.

He then began to WhatsApp me really quite shocking inappropriate sexual messages and almost downplaying it and gaslighting me. At this point I got freaked out and blocked him never to have a lesson again!

Now my AIBU is... Would you report this incident now even if it is almost 6 years ago. The said driving instructor was married at the time with 2 kids, the awkward part also being his wife and father in law run the very well known driving school! Would I wreck his marriage? Is it worth potentially destroying a family? Would anyone believe me as I have no proof now? I can't stop thinking about this incident even all these years later, I really wonder if it's ever happened to other young girls also? Or would you just accept he was a perv trying his luck with an 18yr old and try to forget about it! Thanks.

For goodness sake. Dismiss it. What good can possibly come out of it except trouble.

@HappydaysArehere I guess I keep thinking about all the other girls that have come after me, has he done the same to them? Has he done worse? I have no doubt he would've physically come onto me at some point if I wouldn't have freaked out and blocked him. But maybe you're right, is it really worth destroying his marriage and his family's very successful business when I probably wouldn't be believed.

I would definitely let the driving school know, or see if you can report it to the licensing system at all. Nothing may come from it, or you might get some abuse, but I think it would be good for you to tell so you can get it off your chest and potentially stop it from happening again. Yes it was a while ago but horrible things like that keep happening and he could have done even worse to some other girl.

You hear stories like this all the time from teenage girls about pervy driving instructors and it's awful! They need to be held accountable, it's disgusting.

@TallFriendlyGinger the difficult thing is, his wife's father owns and runs the driving school so I honestly don't know how I'd bring that up! I may see if there's some kind of anonymous reporting of these things that can happen.

I had it as a married mother in my 20s. My driving instructor had taught my DH to drive and he recommended him as really good. He started off ok then began touching my arm, then progressed to my hand when it was on the gear stick, then my knee "accidentally" and making pervy comments. I stopped having lessons with him after that. The fact that he had been completely professional with my DH and then a perv with me did make me worry about young girls, but he was a solo operator so no employer to report him to, and he hadn't done anything that would be classed as assault, he just made my skin crawl.

Years and years ago I had a driving instructor who started stroking my hair and then directed me “ turn left.... second on the right” till we reached some woods . I muttered that I had to get back and afterwards I called the driving school and cancelled my lessons.

The past is another country and obviously now I would have made a complaint whereas then it was just considered unfortunate.

Given that six years have passed it’s a bit difficult for the OP, with no proof and the guilt of potentially wrecking a family.

My (female, married) driving instructor was like this, inappropriate comments, and she'd always have porn videos in the car and show me. Looking back she puts me in mind of Rose West.

Shocking to read some of your stories. It's crazy just how frequent that people in a position of trust try their luck and get away with it. Something has to change, but if we all speak up now we will get called liars and attention seekers, it's a lose lose situation really isn't it.

I would go the route of anonymous email to the driving school or you can go to this website www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor to report him. You might not have any evidence but at least it's on file in case another girl reports him.

Oh how I wish someone had reported my sports instructor before I met him. He made me feel so special, basically groomed me. He was in his 50s and I in my mid teens. I ended up having sex with him numerous times all the while knowing he was sleeping with a girl my age but he's been having sex and a full blown relationship with her since she was 12.

I had literally buried all this until it came to the fore one day reading about sports coaches who'd abused their positions. It all came flooding back.

I can't do anything as he's dead now. He's revered in our community and there's nothing I can do. Makes me sick to my stomach.

I also had a really creepy driving instructor. He used to tell me to "cuddle the handbrake" - makes me feel sick now. I knew it was inappropriate and it made me feel really, horribly uncomfortable, but I did nothing.

I would hit the roof if my DD had an experience like this now.

@LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella my instructor said something very similar in regards to the handbrake. I am a mother myself now to a DD and I'd go insane if this happened to her also. It's horrific.

@HappydaysArehere

For goodness sake. Dismiss it. What good can possibly come out of it except trouble.

If the whole world felt and acted like you more children and young people would be abused. Also as adults we would still say “it’s his age/generation/normal for the time” when sexually abused by men.

First instructor was a creep, he's dead now. 2nd instructor was fab. This was 30 years ago.

@Nonotthisagain I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I was groomed as a child by a man of a similar age however he was part of my family. Never reported and he is also dead now too. I think this is also why I felt scared to confront and report this driving instructor, my previous trauma reared it's head and just told me to shut up and compartmentalise it forever! It's just shocking to realise how many women face at least one form of sexual harassment in their lifetime.

Never think when speaking up about unacceptable behaviour that YOU are the one damaging a career or a marriage. It's always the creep who brought it on themselves.

God, this has shook up so many dodgy memories of my driving instructor.

I was late teens, he was in his 40s. There was never anything overtly dodgy to me personally but some of his behaviour was so unprofessional. He used to ogle girls (esp teenage ones) from the car& comment on their legs & breasts. 🤮

He had several mobiles he used for several different women he was shagging and was blatant about it. I heard some of the conversations while I was driving!! He was married with young kids.

Just yuk.

Sorry to keep ranting, but I also relate to the abusive figure being revered in the local community. Mine had a news article about saving a blooming cat like some kind of hero! I think this is what brought all the feelings back, that this driving school and him in particular are seen as amazing and kind, when in reality he made a 17/18 yr old me feel completely violated in a position of trust.

I really don't know and I'm in a similar position. I keep weighing up whether I should say anything. Mine - now retired- part owned the driving school. And even worse, made friends with my parents. He took advantage and groped me at a social event- but away from witnesses. I was 19. I have run it past a couple of people and they are clear that I was violated but I have never told my parents- they're still friends. I can't. I would feel so guilty doing it to his wife, she's a darling. And one of his sons would set out to destroy me. I know him and I'm genuinely scared of him. My parents would believe me but I feel sick at the thought of telling them.

It never used to bother me but I do now get flashbacks and I am unreasonably cross with myself over the whole thing. I have disordered eating and lately I have been looking at the possibility it stemmed in part from this episode. I can't believe I continued to let him teach me to drive but I'm dyspraxic and he was a good teacher and felt I couldn't swap or walk away without explanation (dad bought my lessons). I feel that I can't be the only one he's done this to. Since he's retired it seems like I can't do anything.

Ultimately there are no witnesses and I'm scared of everything it could unleash. For all of us. So I won't... but I feel a coward. If you are braver, I applaud you. If not, you're not alone- this thread shows you that.

@purplesky18

Sorry to keep ranting, but I also relate to the abusive figure being revered in the local community. Mine had a news article about saving a blooming cat like some kind of hero! I think this is what brought all the feelings back, that this driving school and him in particular are seen as amazing and kind, when in reality he made a 17/18 yr old me feel completely violated in a position of trust.

It makes me feel sick there's nothing I can do.

Every year people commemorate him on the anniversary of his death, there are rewards given his name and he's talked about with great esteem in this sport and community. sometimes I want to scream he was having sex with me at the age of 14!!

Makes me feel sick but there is nothing I can do

@MrsToothyBitch this is exactly how I feel, thank you for speaking your truth on this thread. I feel if I speak up it will unleash so much unwanted attention for me and the impacts it could have on a wider scale. However for not speaking up I have the internal battle of feeling like a coward and whenever I see the company or him being recommended I feel sick wondering if he's ever done worse to anybody else. It's such a shitty mix of feelings.

Awards given in his name that should have said

@HappydaysArehere

For goodness sake. Dismiss it. What good can possibly come out of it except trouble.

You are an idiot.

@HappydaysArehere

For goodness sake. Dismiss it. What good can possibly come out of it except trouble.

Er, maybe they’ll investigate and sack him?! Hope you’re never on a jury.