To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

[PutThemInTheIronMaiden]

I don't think anyone in the world likes having a smear test. I just grit my teeth and think it's a minute of my life and then it's over. I have a friend who had cervical cancer when she was very young. Treatment is so much more lengthy and invasive then a smear. Please do what you need to do to make sure you keep up with yours.

[Frenchsticks]

@BefuddledPerson
But you are not actually offering the OP any advice or suggestions to help her other than to say 'it'll probably be better next time'. That's an extremely naive approach for someone claiming to have such a good understanding of how the human psyche works. If the OP does not address how she feels and just let's the negative feelings fester for the next 3 years do you really think they'll magically disappear on their own? She's up in tears in the middle of the night; that's not just disliking having had a smear, that is a trauma reaction and trauma needs to be addressed. To the OP the trauma is real regardless of the fact that she was not actually violated so a very important part of dealing with that is to keep saying to herself and remembering that she was not violated and that she is safe. Your approach is actually far more dismissive of her feelings by essentially brushing them under the carpet and trying to ignore them which might work except in 3 years time the OP has to go and do it again so how does that help her? She'll just have to go through the same thing next time and feel like this again and you're telling her that that's okay because this is just how it is, there's nothing you can do about it and you just have to accept feeling this way now and hope next time it's not as bad.
I'm not saying my approach is the best way, but it's just a suggestion. My overall point is that the OP needs to take the time to address how she's feeling now and if she is struggling to do that then there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help from a GP or other professional.

[Thefaceofboe]

I felt like this too but got over it pretty quickly. The doctor said to me ‘I’m just going to open you up’ and it made me feel sick

[Wannabegreenfingers]

Treatment for cervical cancer is far more violating. Its not pleasant procedure, but it is essential. Might be easier to think of the bigger picture in all of this.

After two children, multiple smears, three coils and two colposcopys it does get easier.

[DrManhattan]

Hope you are ok. I've had loads and I still dread them. Its normal to feel the way you do ( don't pay attention to the thoughtless comments on here). Try and put it out of your mind. Maybe in a couple of years technology will have advanced and there will be an easier way to do the test. Take care

[WB205020]

Well said @Frenchsticks.
I completely understand OP feeling this way but it is a psychological issue and one that help should be sought over.

[Standrewsschool]

Sorry you feel this way.

Can you rationalise that it was a medical procedure, the nurse has done it hundreds of time before, a purely practical examination and nothing more.

I always find that if I’m not enjoying a medical procedure such as a smear test (who does?!), I count my lucky stars that we have these procedures in place, and that they are free. People in many other countries can’t get basic healthcare. Makes me appreciate the examination more.

[Esspee]

@Frenchsticks

You weren't violated. You consented to a medical procedure and the medical professionals treated with completely appropriately and with respect. All of this is the exact opposite of violating you. So if you feel violated, that is a psychological issue, not a physical one. I doubt there are many women who can say they enjoy getting a smear and for many they are actually quite painful so I fully understand hating getting it done. But you were not violated and you do need to readjust your thinking to understand your feelings because if you convince yourself that you have been a victim of something then you're traumatising yourself further completely unnecessarily and the more you focus on that train of thought, the more you'll convince yourself that something along those line did happen and the less likely you'll be to go again. You say it's important to you to go again in future; you understand why they're important and you want the peace of mind that comes with having them done (which is why we all put ourselves through it). And the previous posts on here trying to suggest you simply don't need to go again are not particularly helpful given you've already acknowledged that you want to be able to go again and not give into these feelings.
So calm down, think about what actually happened and point out to yourself exactly what you felt at what point and what you think contributed to that. Did it bring back memories of past abuse? Was it 'just' the feeling that felt so wrong? Did you have preconceptions before you went in? Was it the clinical environment? The fact that the nurse was wearing so much ppe which can make it feel very odd? Only you can know but do try to make some sense of your feelings and if you can't manage it on your own then yes, speaking to your GP for help with that is certainly a better alternative than spending the rest of your life potentially feeling like you were violated (which means abused).
I'm not trying to minimise your feelings; I completely understand that people do feel very traumatised after a smear for various reasons; but you actually had, for all intents and purposes a positive experience physically so you need to address the psychological reasons as to why you now feel the way you do to not let those feelings overwhelm you.
Good luck OP.

Perfect post *@Frenchsticks*

[Ginfordinner]

is this not the same as a sti checkup?

I wouldn't know, not ever having had one.

Smear tests aren't pleasant, and it strikes me that some practice nurses need to brush up on their techniques and their bedside manner.

OP, I'm sorry you feel like this

[TikTakTikTak]

Smears are shit. I hope you keep going as it is important and maybe explain that you struggled last time? The nurse might be able to tell you about when she last had a smear too.

They're a bit embarrassing but remember that the nurse is a woman too, she doesn't like them either and is just doing it for your health. She doesn't think about it in any other way than trying to make it easy for you and to get the sample so that she can send you on your way.

We wouldn't have them if the NHS didnt deem them important so please keep going.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

Who doesn't dread an internal examination?! As others have said you of course are allowed to feel exactly as you do but try to balance it out with perspective. It could save your life.

That said it does baffle me in this day and age we still have such an archaic procedure, you'd think with modern day advances thered be an easier way.

[TurkMama]

Another vote for postal HPV tests.
More women need to know it's not either attend your routine smear or die of cancer. Look it up.

[dolphinpose]

YANBU. I feel the same. So I never have them. Had to have an internal check earlier this year and she gave up on trying to do the smear at the same time because I was so scared. It feels like a violation even if rationally we know it isn't one.

[dolphinpose]

@TurkMama - thank you. I had no idea this existed. I will look it up.

[Kenworthington]

Haven’t rtft sorry but I always feel the same too op. I had a very ‘violent’ and traumatic birth with my first baby and I think this takes me back to it. I had mine done last week and I dreaded it and ended up in tears and everything. The nurse was lovely end as gentle as she could be but yeah I feel violated every time too so you have my sympathies

[Diadora30]

I hate them. My heart is always pounding when it’s performed and I kind of leave my body if you know what I mean? Also, I find it incredibly painful. But I had to have a lletz procedure years ago, so had to have follow up smears regularly.

[cologne4711]

@Gremlinsateit

Feeling violated IS psychological, and hardly surprising when you’re talking about lying down partially clad in front of a relative stranger, who then inserts a speculum into a body area you’ve been heavily socialised to think of as absolutely private since your earliest years. Add the pain factor, which is worse for some women than others, and there is nothing odd or extreme about this reaction.

I agree 100%.

It's not unreasonable to feel that way OP - it's a horrible procedure. I felt like it the first time I had it too and I'd not had any bad experiences sexually.

[XEbonyrose1X]

I had my first last week. I put it off for ages. But it's over now. It is embarrassing. O was worried because I spot alot at the moment. I thought oh no what if there's bloody discharge down there.

Every women will worry about something different. It's normal. We are taught to cover our bits up from being young. They are private etc.

I don't know what to say to help. But it's just medical and not sexual. I had swabs done too and they rang me yesterday to say the lab damaged them and I need them redoing. It's so hard being a women at times. But you've had it done. Don't worry about three years away. Confidence and anxiety changes all the time. It does in me anyway. Some days I think I can't do that. Others I think I can do it.

Just try and forget it now.

[Doingitaloneandproud]

@Frenchsticks

You weren't violated. You consented to a medical procedure and the medical professionals treated with completely appropriately and with respect. All of this is the exact opposite of violating you. So if you feel violated, that is a psychological issue, not a physical one. I doubt there are many women who can say they enjoy getting a smear and for many they are actually quite painful so I fully understand hating getting it done. But you were not violated and you do need to readjust your thinking to understand your feelings because if you convince yourself that you have been a victim of something then you're traumatising yourself further completely unnecessarily and the more you focus on that train of thought, the more you'll convince yourself that something along those line did happen and the less likely you'll be to go again. You say it's important to you to go again in future; you understand why they're important and you want the peace of mind that comes with having them done (which is why we all put ourselves through it). And the previous posts on here trying to suggest you simply don't need to go again are not particularly helpful given you've already acknowledged that you want to be able to go again and not give into these feelings.
So calm down, think about what actually happened and point out to yourself exactly what you felt at what point and what you think contributed to that. Did it bring back memories of past abuse? Was it 'just' the feeling that felt so wrong? Did you have preconceptions before you went in? Was it the clinical environment? The fact that the nurse was wearing so much ppe which can make it feel very odd? Only you can know but do try to make some sense of your feelings and if you can't manage it on your own then yes, speaking to your GP for help with that is certainly a better alternative than spending the rest of your life potentially feeling like you were violated (which means abused).
I'm not trying to minimise your feelings; I completely understand that people do feel very traumatised after a smear for various reasons; but you actually had, for all intents and purposes a positive experience physically so you need to address the psychological reasons as to why you now feel the way you do to not let those feelings overwhelm you.
Good luck OP.

This. It's a medical procedure, an invasive one of course - no one would ever say its not, but its not a violation. You choose to have smear tests done, if you don't want to that's your decision. I would always recommend you do though. I've had multiple colposcopy's and a LLETZ procedure, then had a hemorrhage after where I had to be packed to stop the bleeding, all due to having abnormal cells.

I would talk to the doctor about how you are feeling, do you think it may help to have someone else with you when you have them performed?

[Shmithecat2]

I don't feel violated at such, but I do feel terribly emotional and upset afterwards. I know that they save lives (and indeed did save mine 20 years ago, CIN2 cells found in my womb), but it always feels so degrading. That may not sound rational, but that's how I feel. You're not alone OP.

[Kamt]

I think one can feel violated by anything. For me smears are a bit tricky but mostly i struggle with dental appointments. Theres no particular reason, no trauma or back story.
dental trigger warning
My last but one appointment was horrid (it gets better i promise!) It was simply for an xray, but the combination of people in my space, having to accept something when i wanted to shout "back off" meant that i had to be collected by my other half and couldnt talk for an hour, and later had flashbacks to sitting sobbing waiting for the people to tell me i could move. I may have also bit my dentist . I like to think of my self as a calm collected person so i was absolutely horrified by the whole loss of control thing

However when i had a follow up appointment i did lots of things which really helped. The appointment itself required more work which should have been worse but honestly it was fine. The dental assistant didnt even realise i was the same biter from before. For me the key was to ask for more time (and breaks), better sleep the night before, proper food and fluid, listening to music, having my oh chat to me throughout, some breathing techniques and grounding techniques.

For me i need to feel in control, and proper preparation totally changed how i felt.

[Zeitgei5t]

Hi OP, I also had a traumatic first smear, turns out I have a posterior cervix and both the nurse and the student nurse couldn't find it. The nurse had a good rummage around in there to the point I was nearly passing out before she went and got the doctor to do it.
Took me till I had kids before I went back, as i argued to myself that the responsibility to not get cancer outweighed the trauma.
Made sure I booked direct with the doctor (as the nurse had said the doctor has to do mine, though this involved a short argument with the receptionist).
Explained the situation to the doctor when I arrived, who was understanding. It was still unpleasant but I did the breathing techniques you do when in labour and got through it easier.
I made sure I'd booked the afternoon off work too so I could go home and sit wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea and some chocolate before I picked the kids up.

[AuntieMarys]

I had an internal examination at 9, and was given no clue by the doctor or my mother as to what would happen. I have dreaded my regular smear ever since, but always explain to the nurse why.
I felt violated when a consultant decided he would remove a polyp " while he was down there" without telling me. I went into actual shock.

[MathsRocksMathsRocks]

It really does make a difference who does them, too. The worst two I've ever had were by female GPs (we don't have practice nurses, and my surgery is a 2 minute walk away, so it's easier to go there). They were very much of the 'we're all girls, there's worse than this when you have a baby' kind of thought.

The best experiences I've ever had were with the lovely male GP who, quite by luck', ended up looking after me when I had a MC nearly 30 years ago. For some reason I trusted him to do my smears, and he did them fantastically. Never uncomfortable, never demeaning to me, never 'pull yourself together, you've had babies' or anything like that.

In fact, he thanked me at my final one (we grew old together!) for choosing him because he said it's sometimes hard for male GPs to get enough practice when women automatically often choose a female practitioner. And his wife was a midwife too, so maybe he had some understanding through her too. He said that many (sadly not all) male GPs are very aware that - precisely because they're NOT women - they need to be more gentle and less patronising. He was also very aware that women have to go through so much stuff that is invasive in their lives compared to men.

I hope you will go back next time, OP. Hopefully you can build up a relationship with the practitioner who did it the first time, and go from there. But you're perfectly entitled to feel as you feel. Good luck.

[Shiverywinterbottom]

My mother never had a smear. She died 3 months ago of cervical cancer. Watching her die of cancer was far more traumatic for me than any smear test has ever been.
Nobody forced you into it, you made an informed choice and did so knowing the benefits outweighed the negatives. The first one is always the worst and yes it’s invasive and not particularly unpleasant, but maybe you should try changing your thought process to empower yourself into realising that your procedure may just save your life one day.