To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

[Shiverywinterbottom]

*and not particularly pleasant that should say

[Nailgirl]

I had a first smear 20 years ago as a virgin - I didn’t have sex until years later. My GP practice at the time insisted -so my first experience of something up my vagina was a light shining, being pulled apart with a cold metal implement and then the nurse was very uncaring - she scrapped and scrapped and told me it looked funny and was pointing the wrong way (!) and made out my cervix wasn’t normal - She even put her fingers in and said I had a tilted uterus and that would make it difficult to get pregnant etc, for me as a naive 20 year old it was damaging mentally and physically and yes I had counselling - people swing around the word counselling as a ‘cure’ for trauma - I still remember it - it affects me less as I get older but when I told my mum years later I remember how horrified she was that she had encouraged me. You are ok and justified in your feelings. It is a violating procedure. It is hideous. For me it is not pleasant. Don’t let anyone minimise how you feel.

[pinkonions]

Namechanged for this.

OP you are not alone. I had my first smear in my 20s. It was done by a male doctor and really hurt. A few weeks later I had to have it done again (by the same doctor). I felt traumatised and treated like a bit of meat.

I haven't had one since. My hands sweat just thinking about it. I did some research and decided that as I was very low risk and because of the issues with false positives that I would not have another. I am now almost 60.

I didn't know about the HPV postal test though and will look into that.

[Namechangeforthis88]

Tip for everyone who finds smear tests difficult

Ask to hold and insert the speculum ("crank") yourself.

I find them very difficult and a nurse offered me this option. Made a whole world of difference. She still does the swab. And she advised treat yourself to a sticky bun afterwards. It's almost clinically indicated to treat yourself afterwards.

[pinkonions]

I really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.

[Janaih]

I've had a couple of upsetting ones, they do stick in your mind but the feelings of panic and shame do fade with time. Closing your eyes and practicing relaxing breathing can really help, as can having something nice planned for the following days.

It's always worth asking when you make the appointment for a sympathetic nurse. A friend of mine gets a valium on prescription to take for the procedure.

[PanamaPattie]

You feel violated because you were. It’s not surprising when you are asked to remove your underwear in front of a stranger, who then cranks you open with a cold instrument, shoves a bottle brush up you and twirls it like they are cleaning a toilet. You may be left bleeding and in pain. If this rare cancer affected men, there would be a simple urine or blood test, as I’m sure many men wouldn’t agree to having cells scraped off from the end of their penis. Women are expected to put up with it.

[LittleTiger007]

@MaryShelley1818 I thought you were perfectly kind and reasonable with your comments.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.'

Men do have also intimate examinations like sigmoidoscopies and colonoscopies.

In decades to come they'll look back at our medical procedures with the same horror that we look back at practices in Victorian times.

[Al1langdownthecleghole]

I’m sorry that you feel like this. As you have recognised, It’s an important procedure but never an enjoyable one, and for some women its painful and traumatic.

I won’t post about the mechanics of the procedure, because I don’t want to feed people who read these boards for their particular enjoyment, but honestly OP, break the steps down of what actually happened to you and I promise you your feelings are not “off” at all.

So what to do? Firstly remember it is an optional procedure. As PP have said, there are alternatives but also do your own risk assessment. People who have had few sexual partners and whose partners have had few partners are at a lower risk of HPV, this doesn’t mean you can ignore screening opportunities, but you could choose a more dignified method.

Secondly, valid though your feeling are it would be OK to talk to an HCP or counsellor if it would help to reduce your negative feelings and gain a sense of control.

And it’s also OK to treat yourself. It’s not a nice procedure, so you are entitled to reward yourself afterwards.

[Branleuse]

Ive had loads of smear tests and internals and tbh, I think this feeling of violation is worse the more times goes on. Last time I had to have internal scan, I was so upset. I cant think of any particularly traumatic experiences that would have meant it makes me feel so bad, but it just gets worse.
Yes i could probably do with some sort of therapeutic talking it over, but where the hell do you get that on the NHS now

[flaviaritt]

So sorry you feel this way. This is not to say your feeling is in any way wrong, but try to remember that you asked them to do it and it was your free choice. That might help. They’re not fun, but they’re not compulsory either.

[MoonJelly]

@pinkonions

I really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.

My understanding is that a prostate examination - which also involves an internal examination - is no fun at all but the method has stayed the same for at least a hundred years.

[eeyore228]

Smears are horrible and I have never met someone happy to have one. I have had a few and they were as painful as, however one year it caught something and I had treatment. I use that to remind myself that despite the embarrassment and pain it helped me from long term issues and illness. That’s all I’ve got really.

[DorisDaisyMay]

No one likes it - it is something that has to be done.

I breathe deeply and have a day dream during it. I think there was one time I held a nurses hand during it.

It also helps me to think about it in terms of it’s their job and when you deal with bodies as part of a job - it’s different for them. It’s not personal- just another thing in a busy day for them. Thinking like that
de-personalises it for me and allows me to reduce it to just another thing in my day.

Over thinking about it will not help you. You will be strengthening the pathways in your brain that connect a smear with the violation feeling. You need to find some ways to reframe it and actively concentrate on what was positive about the experience to strengthen those neural pathways.

[cbt944]

My understanding is that a prostate examination - which also involves an internal examination - is no fun at all but the method has stayed the same for at least a hundred years.

No, they've got a simple blood test for that now.

[OnceUponAnEnzyme]

I don't feel violated at such, but I do feel terribly emotional and upset afterwards.

This resonated with me and like some others here, I have a shit story in which a nurse left me in the room with the speculum in/open when she realised she didn't have a scrap stick and left the troom to get one. Apparently, she thought she's do half her chores while out and didn't come back for about ten minutes. I was young then and didn't make a fuss. Now I'd scream bloody murder.

These days I try to get a mid morning appointment and keep the rest of the day relatively clear so I can just do what I like. Even if I am returning to work, I try to discourage tough meetings etc for the rest of the day. Early bath, pyjamas, movie and some fudge for me.

I also keep in mind that the procedure itself is just 5 mins (usually). That is all. Then it is done for 3 years.

[pinkonions]

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.'

Men do have also intimate examinations like sigmoidoscopies and colonoscopies.

In decades to come they'll look back at our medical procedures with the same horror that we look back at practices in Victorian times.

Yes, but they only have these when porblems are suspected, don't they?

Compare PSA testing to the cervical screening programme. Very different beasts.

[MillieVanilla]

I've only had 1, I was 26 and the male doctor who did it (I assumed it would be a female nurse but no, wasn't warned or given the option just walked in and there he was) was quite rude. I asked him if he would be doing it and said I had expected a female for him to get all defensive and ask did I not feel he was qualified. He was also my regular GP so it was so embarrassing.
His attitude was that I had had a child now so should be used to people looking down there and told me to stop being so precious.
He was rough as hell and I felt very much like I'd been assaulted. I've nothing to compare it to as I've never had one since and I know that is really, really dreadful as I'm nearly 40 now but I feel physically sick when the reminder letter comes through. I've got as far as to make the appointment but I can't do it.
I think with your experience, it will be less difficult to face it again as you had someone who sounds lovely and professional.
But no one has the right to say how you should or shouldn't feel, and one person's simple procedure is another's absolute nightmare

[joanwinifred]

@SuzieQQQ

Honestly I’d get some counselling. Why do you feel violated? From what you have said you were fully informed and treated with respect by the Dr. not sure how that equates to violation

Because it is an invasive and violating experience.
Many women have this experience. If men had to go through this they would have figured out a non-invasive method already.

[Shmithecat2]

@OnceUponAnEnzyme

That's awful, how disgustingly unprofessional of the nurse. I have to say, I've never had a 'bad' smear experience. But they still leave me feeling terribly down. I feel a bit tearful now just thinking about how they make me feel 😳

[joanwinifred]

@Frenchsticks

You weren't violated. You consented to a medical procedure and the medical professionals treated with completely appropriately and with respect. All of this is the exact opposite of violating you. So if you feel violated, that is a psychological issue, not a physical one. I doubt there are many women who can say they enjoy getting a smear and for many they are actually quite painful so I fully understand hating getting it done. But you were not violated and you do need to readjust your thinking to understand your feelings because if you convince yourself that you have been a victim of something then you're traumatising yourself further completely unnecessarily and the more you focus on that train of thought, the more you'll convince yourself that something along those line did happen and the less likely you'll be to go again. You say it's important to you to go again in future; you understand why they're important and you want the peace of mind that comes with having them done (which is why we all put ourselves through it). And the previous posts on here trying to suggest you simply don't need to go again are not particularly helpful given you've already acknowledged that you want to be able to go again and not give into these feelings.
So calm down, think about what actually happened and point out to yourself exactly what you felt at what point and what you think contributed to that. Did it bring back memories of past abuse? Was it 'just' the feeling that felt so wrong? Did you have preconceptions before you went in? Was it the clinical environment? The fact that the nurse was wearing so much ppe which can make it feel very odd? Only you can know but do try to make some sense of your feelings and if you can't manage it on your own then yes, speaking to your GP for help with that is certainly a better alternative than spending the rest of your life potentially feeling like you were violated (which means abused).
I'm not trying to minimise your feelings; I completely understand that people do feel very traumatised after a smear for various reasons; but you actually had, for all intents and purposes a positive experience physically so you need to address the psychological reasons as to why you now feel the way you do to not let those feelings overwhelm you.
Good luck OP.

We don't get to consent to smear tests. We are told we have to have them done. We don't have a choice in it tbh.

[MrsMarrio]

I was always very worried about having a smear, and only went when I was 26 as I had bleeding in between a period. All was fine. However I lost a baby at 22 weeks they were not sure if it was cervical incompetence or an Infection and so in my next pregnancy I had more speculums and ultrasound probes up there than I dare to count! And I just blocked them all out. They don't get easier or more comfortable. And I defiantly concur with others that it makes a massive difference who does it. Some are more painful than others and made me bleed afterwards and others were much easier. You've done the hardest part and actually went to your first smear! So many woman don't! I convinced my friend to go the week after having mine and it turned out she had CIN3 cells and now she always says I probably saved her life as she had no intention of going. Maybe talk professionally to someone to get to the root cause of why you do feel so strongly about this? I felt very empowered after having my first smear as I had dreaded it, put it off and thought 'god I've actually gone and done it!' However I did feel stressed, panicked and quite emotional whilst waiting for my results. It's a tricky thing but so important

[pinkonions]

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.'

Men do have also intimate examinations like sigmoidoscopies and colonoscopies.

In decades to come they'll look back at our medical procedures with the same horror that we look back at practices in Victorian times.

MillieVanilla yes, that's very similar to my experience. Horrible.

[pinkonions]

Sorry, not sure what went wrong there! I think it's because reading this thread is making me feel a bit trembly.