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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD wants to leave school....

62 replies

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:40

We're in Oz, you're meant to stay until you're 18 and get your school leavers cert and passes and everything.

She's 16 and coming to the end of year 10...the school year ends this term and then we have the big summer hols.

the next two years are the harder ones but she HATES it and if I'm honest, she's never liked school.

She's had some depression but strangely enough has always managed to enjoy socialising every weekend and turn up on time for her Saturday job which she also likes.

I feel disappointed and upset. It's been almost a whole school year with me desparately trying to keep her in school and school being very supportive. But I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE and am starting to feel it would be easier on us all if I let her leave.

But that feels like failure. She goes to a very nice private school...a small one, very artsy...like her...which is why it was chosen. She hated her school in England too.

She says she likes her friends (And she does, she has a lot of them) but that the classroom environment is terrible for her.

She's ready to start work. But her prospects won't be good will they? She's so fucking bright and clever and I'm so upset about it all.

Maybe she will go back to college and get her certificates in a few years or something? What shall I DO!? Her job will probably give her a few more shifts if she leaves...but is it the right thing?

OP posts:

Original poster

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:42

Dh is very chill about it because he also left school at 16 and has made his way ok (He's Aussie) but I had a hard time in the UK as I had no encouragement and went to a shit school. I had to go back to college, do A levels and didn't get to uni till I was 22 which in retrospect was fine but I wanted DD to do things by the book...why does she love her job and not school??

She says she has no idea what she wants to do when she's older...but that's no reason to ditch education!

OP posts:

Original poster

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:43

So YANBU make her stay at school or YABU let her leave and work part time and enjoy being a free agent

OP posts:

Enough4me · 26/10/2020 23:45

Would she start next year and agree to try it for 3 months? With an agreement if she feels the same way she can leave?

Enough4me · 26/10/2020 23:45

I'd expect her to pay her own way if not in education BTW.

BookishZen · 26/10/2020 23:46

Can she get some sort of apprenticeship so she’s still studying towards something but in a work environment?

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 26/10/2020 23:46

Do you have apprenticeships over there? Ds had a hard year 11 - missing lots of school - I just couldn't get him to go. He did one year of college which also didn't go brilliantly. He was just done with school/college. So this year he found himself and apprenticeship and is absolutely loving it. Learning on the job and being paid. He also was ok seeing friends and doing his part-time job. It was school he'd had enough of.

BookishZen · 26/10/2020 23:47

And no I wouldn’t let her work part time, if she leaves education she needs to get a full time job.

Slightlybrwnbanana · 26/10/2020 23:48

Well what's her plan? Never mind what she wants to do "when she's older" what will her full time work be once she leaves school? She can't expect to be at home with just an part time job!
Obviously if she was severely depressed about school or something it might be better for her to leave, but if not really sucking it up to get the leavers cert needs to be done.

Noti23 · 26/10/2020 23:50

It’s 2 years. Not a long time. I hated school but I stuck by it until I was 18 and it gave me more options afterwards. 2 years seems like a long time when you’re only 16 but in reality it’s nothing (I’m 23 now btw). What I want to do with my life seems to change all the time but I have the luxury to keep changing directions thanks to my education.

Isawthathaggis · 26/10/2020 23:52

Ach OP, cream always rises to the top, it just might take a wee bit longer without qualifications.

If she’s not into school how could you make her do another two years? She would end up hating you and you would end up resenting her making you be that mum.

Are apprenticeships a thing in Australia? Cause it sounds like she would ace that.

Original poster

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:52

Yes, I think an apprenticeship would be good. I'm not Aussie and not fully sure of how the further education works here but I will speak to TAFE to see if there's a course she'd be allowed to take at her age.

She might do something like makeup or business and marketing...those are the two things she's mentioned.

She can't expect to be at home with just an part time job! well, she can...I mean she's only 16! I worked part time and lived at home...then when I hit 18 I was more ready to go to college and knew what I wanted to do.

OP posts:

Soonbechrimbo · 26/10/2020 23:54

Has she been diagnosed clinically with depression? Or is it that she says she feels depressed and you think shes using that as an excuse.

Just thinking if she does have clinical depression then working on her mental health should come first. School/education can be finished later in none traditional ways.

Original poster

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:54

There's a government scheme to create more apprenticeships apparently....so there might be something for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:55

Soon she has had help with her depression...it's real...it seems to be made worse by school to be honest. She's at her happiest when working or with her mates.

OP posts:

tensmum1964 · 26/10/2020 23:56

Doing things "by the book" doesn't suit everyone. What is the point in her feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. She is only 16, she has lots of time to decide what she wants to do. If she loves her job and they will give her more shifts then that is perfect. At least she will be earning a wage and not sitting around doing nothing. Have faith in her, let her try this and if it doesn't work she is young enough to get qualifications later on. It could be the maki g of her.

Pipandmum · 26/10/2020 23:56

I don't know about Australia but my son did crap with his GCSEs and really did not want to do any more school. He is at a college doing a vocational course and has a part time job. He is very into the course subject but doesn't see it as a long term career, just something he can fall back on. He has decided to resit some exams to open up more opportunities, possibly do a BTEC in business or whatever. I think it is hard to not be academic but still too young to know what you want to pursue.
It's not a failure to not go to university. If she has drive and ambition she will make it - even without formal qualifications. You dont need those unless you are going to be a scientist or lawyer etc. Getting a degree in history or English qualifies you for nothing in particular.
If she can legally stop schooling or do some vocational training then I'd let her. She may well, like my son, decide to get her basic certificates in the end. Her personality and real life experience may well lead her a successful future.
Don't let your own expetiences dictate what she does. It's her life.

BookishZen · 26/10/2020 23:58

Sorry @FortunesFave don’t agree with you regarding allowing her to work part time because of her age. If she hasn’t got the qualifications she needs to show employers that she has a good work ethic and working part time and not doing anything else will massively hinder her. What will she tell employers when they ask her what she was doing for the last two years. Socialising with friends and living life just isn’t going to cut it unfortunately.

Original poster

FortunesFave · 27/10/2020 00:01

Bookish well as I said, there are courses at TAFE she can do...hopefully she can do them at her age, I think she can. She could do that and work part time. It won't massively hinder her to be working part time at all.

OP posts:

MintyMabel · 27/10/2020 00:03

well, she can...I mean she's only 16

Uhuh, so she should either be in education or in work. It isn’t usual for a 16 year old to be doing neither of them for a couple of years. Absolutely no reason she can’t work full time. Plenty 16 year olds do.

She needs a plan of how she gets to where she wants to be, or at the very least, how she gets to find out what she wants to be.

I left Uni after my first year because the course wasn’t what I thought it would be. I had no idea what I wanted to do next so spent two years working as a temp. I was rarely without work, and worked in a dozen different roles in different industries. I found something I enjoyed so went back to uni to get a relevant degree.

BookishZen · 27/10/2020 00:05

@FortunesFave well yes of course if she is doing the courses then she is effectively in education still so working part time is fine.

From your posts it just sounded like she wanted to leave school and just work part time. That’s what I was replying to. If I misunderstood that then I apologise.

giantangryrooster · 27/10/2020 00:06

Agree with pp, no school then full time work. You risk conveying it is okay to hang around which of course is more appealing than school. No one knows if she will be like you and find her way at 18. You might have her at home by 25 with a part time job, no education and in the eyes of employers no work ethics.

EL8888 · 27/10/2020 00:07

My stance is it’s fine if she doesn’t want to stay on at school but she needs to get a full time job of some description or an apprenticeship. She appears to want things both ways. Life isn’t like that

Mokusspokus · 27/10/2020 00:08

Actually getting depressed from the school.... Poor kid.

It's amazing when people stop getting nagged and make their own way how they come round to things.
I'd let her make her own choices be supportive but perhaps give a gentle dead line for some people descions or pays rent but support her as much as you can.

Why is going to school and feeling depressed anymore less than going to work and feeling depressed. If it's circumstances that are causing it, change the circumstances.

HateIsNotGood · 27/10/2020 00:12

Too much pressure on the young nowadays that they must follow a certain path - most likely, if she's as bright as you say, she'll find her way to FE at some point. Meanwhile, let her try the world of work, if she's a hard worker she'll get on fine, if not, then the FE option will look more appealing.

HateIsNotGood · 27/10/2020 00:22

Forgot to say, see above posts for examples of the pressures on the young. To state it's either full-time Ed or a full-time job to a 16 year old is quite stifling. It's not an either/or situation just one that requires a bit of delicacy, the only requirement being that the 16 year old doesn't spend every single day doing naff all would suffice for now I think.

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