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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants to leave school....

62 replies

FortunesFave · 26/10/2020 23:40

We're in Oz, you're meant to stay until you're 18 and get your school leavers cert and passes and everything.

She's 16 and coming to the end of year 10...the school year ends this term and then we have the big summer hols.

the next two years are the harder ones but she HATES it and if I'm honest, she's never liked school.

She's had some depression but strangely enough has always managed to enjoy socialising every weekend and turn up on time for her Saturday job which she also likes.

I feel disappointed and upset. It's been almost a whole school year with me desparately trying to keep her in school and school being very supportive. But I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE and am starting to feel it would be easier on us all if I let her leave.

But that feels like failure. She goes to a very nice private school...a small one, very artsy...like her...which is why it was chosen. She hated her school in England too.

She says she likes her friends (And she does, she has a lot of them) but that the classroom environment is terrible for her.

She's ready to start work. But her prospects won't be good will they? She's so fucking bright and clever and I'm so upset about it all.

Maybe she will go back to college and get her certificates in a few years or something? What shall I DO!? Her job will probably give her a few more shifts if she leaves...but is it the right thing?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/10/2020 08:02

What exactly is about school she doesn't like?

If that cant be pinpointed, college may not be the answer if the problem is replicated

ravensoaponarope · 27/10/2020 08:05

My Australian niece suffers from depression, self harms and is autistic. She just left school this year at 16 and is doing part time at TAFE and has a part time job. She is a lot happier.

ravensoaponarope · 27/10/2020 08:05

And she is very bright too, but the distress caused by being at school was not worth her staying on.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 27/10/2020 10:13

Raven that's great...I'm glad she's happier now. It's not for everyone. DD hasn't got any diagnosis of autism but she has a lot of the signs. We saw someone when she was a lot younger and they pronounced her quirky and sensitive. I wonder if we saw someone else whether she'd get a DX of ASD. She has some sensitivities and it's those which make the classroom hard work. The school have gone above and beyond in making it more comfortable for her...but she still hates it.

My only hope is that she's very good at her job and that she's highly sociable and charismatic.

OP posts:
Original poster
FortunesFave · 27/10/2020 10:14

Raven what is your niece studying at TAFE?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 27/10/2020 10:40

Look at jobs together online for people with no qualifications and see what she can do and how much she could earn. Tell her, she will need a job until she gets signed onto an apprenticeship scheme

Don’t know about Australia but dd does various work that supposedly require a degree in the subject.
She has never let not having any qualifications stop her from getting jobs. She does a lot of agency work because she couldn’t cope with a f/t job in the same place with the same people day in and day out.

I think for some children they get to a point where they are just sick to death of going to school.

I found work far less stressful as I might have been in work till 5pm instead of school till 4pm but when I left my time was my own and I didn’t have to continue to study and do homework for 3-4 hours each night and the weekends were free.
I just wish I had left at 14 years old instead of prolonging the agony

titchy · 27/10/2020 10:47

She can't expect to be at home with just an part time job! well, she can...I mean she's only 16!

Of course she shouldn't be at home with just a PT job. If she wants to be treated like an 18 year old school leaver then she has to do what 18 year old school leavers are expected to do. If she wants her age to be taken into account then she has to do what other 16 year olds do - stay at bloody school.

Baggingarea · 27/10/2020 11:15

Oh Op what a difficult position to be in.

Not to project but I absolutely hated school and I do think that education is a strange environment for some. That said, I often look back and wish I'd tried harder or asked for more help.

Is there a guidance counsellor at the school she can have a very frank conversation with? If you can ID the areas where she is struggling perhaps then it might be a weight off her mind.

Also agree with other posters about apprenticeships. Earning a wage can really focus the mind!

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/10/2020 11:23

I don’t think it is either a f/t job or f/t school

P/t work and p/t college or more than one p/t job.

Work shouldn’t be just f/t or nothing.
Dd was offered a f/t job in the offices of an agency paid less than doing 3 days working for the same company in an agency role.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/10/2020 11:30

School based education isn’t great for some kids, the school environment can be challenging and some kids just don’t cope well with that level of formality. I’d let her leave and look for other education settings - I’ve know young people who really didn’t get on at school do very well in college (FE not 6th form) because they are treated like adults and have flexibility and responsibility. If she’s doing well in her workplace she may thrive on an employment supported education scheme.

It may not be the most conventional path, but it’s a valid one and might be more suited to her.

amusedbush · 27/10/2020 12:02

My mum left school at 16 with a couple of O grades and worked her way up the ladder from there. When I decided to leave school at 17 with two Scottish Highers (one A Level, basically) and not return for my final year she was devastated. She told me it was either school then university, or full-time work. I got a decent job working in a pensions department and LOVED being out of the classroom environment, which I'd grown to hate.

That wasn't the end for me though! I did an evening college course when I was 24, then a distance learning BA, then a distance MSc and now I'm doing a PhD. In addition to my qualifications, I have 13 years of really solid admin/finance/project management experience on CV.

I don't regret the way I did things for a second. In fact, I'm GLAD because my degrees are in really transferrable subjects whereas if I'd gone to uni at 18 they would probably not have been so sensible Grin

Takethebullbth · 27/10/2020 12:47

Try not to stress too much op. My Dd made zero effort throughout her schooling, causing me to worry about her future. I agreed to her leaving school at the end of year 10 to work at her after school job full time, with a view to finding an apprenticeship. To my surprise a year later, she took herself off to Tafe to do the 18mths of study needed to gain university entrance & then completed a bachelor’s. Looking back, I think that 12 months of low paid grafting was just what she needed to see the value of having an education. Good luck 💐

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