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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That this is an unforgivable thing to say?

88 replies

allthebuns · 26/10/2020 19:57

During an argument? I wish you would have died in the car crash you had last week 😞. I feel like there's no going back from here.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 26/10/2020 22:03

Reading your post just makes me want to cry for you. What a horrific thing to say to your own child.
I really hope you can escape this awful woman. She is a mother in name only.
Other pp have given good advice re refuge I do hope they can offer you the help you need. You are in my thoughtsSad

Thedogscollar · 26/10/2020 22:05

@Nanbread
Seriously nothing can explain what her mother said to her.

MustardMitt · 26/10/2020 22:08

I can’t believe some people want context around a comment like that - as a mother I wouldn’t even think that let alone say it! It’s just about forgivable from an adolescent.

AdoraBell · 26/10/2020 22:12

Definitely sell the car and make a plans to move out. Once you get out of there don’t look back.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 26/10/2020 22:19

I know a ll who does student accommodation....
You need to make plans to leave.

Winter2019 · 26/10/2020 22:20

Oh my God, that's such a horrible thing to say!!!!! Context or no, that truly and utterly is unforgivable IMO

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 26/10/2020 22:23

I had a ‘friend’ who would say terrible things in an argument. Things like ‘I hope you get cancer and die’. She always defended it by saying - well it was an argument, it doesn’t count. Her whole family argued the same way.

Personally I believe that there is a line you can’t cross, even in a row. How can you come back from what OP’s mother said? I don’t think you can.

Fluffybutter · 26/10/2020 22:24

What an utter bitch .
I wish I could help you in some way ,op.
You definitely need to leave that nasty piece of works house .
I hope you find a way . Flowers

windturbines · 26/10/2020 22:26

Have a look on Autotrader to see what cars similar to yours are going for and get it listed tomorrow. Hopefully a private sale will get you an extra few hundred quid. She's already said she doesn't want it so make sure you get the keys and hide them. I'd also be tempted to move the car and park it somewhere else (just incase she wanted to spite you by damaging it). Is there anyone who would let you park it on their drive or outside their house?

Once it's sold and you have that cash you can make moves to get out of there. In the mean time, try your absolute best to save every penny you can.

Also, make sure you gather up anything sentimental, valuable and important documents. She sounds like a horrid woman and it wouldn't surprise me if she broke something of yours that you cared about, or hid things like your passport. If you have a friend that can mind them for you, I'd box them all up and drop them off asap.

I would also, personally, not tell her that you're moving out. Keep it quiet until you are literally standing in your new place. She might react badly and kick you out now, knowing you don't have anywhere to go. Or, she might go the other way and start guilt tripping you, manipulating you into staying for her own selfish needs. If she's still being hateful, you don't need to tell her your new address. I'd also make sure that you change the address on things like bank statements, etc, before you tell her you've moved out. The last thing you need is her rifling through your post or refusing to hand it over to you.

You can absolutely do this. But, as hard as it is, you need to be calm and have a plan. The last thing you need is her finding out, reacting badly, and sabotaging you.

Coyoacan · 26/10/2020 22:27

I can not imagine saying anything remotely near such an evil thing to my dcs who are in their 20s. I'm so sorry for you

Me neither, but I imagine that the OP's mother is one of those despicable people who cast around for the most hurtful thing to say when they get into a rage, with absolutely no regard for the truth.

I'm so sorry OP. Your mother most likely doesn't mean it, but it is still totally unforgiveable that she said it.

Londoncatshed · 26/10/2020 22:28

Have you any other relatives you could speak to and stay with? Aunt, Grandma?

This is horribly abusive and I really feel for you. This won’t be your life for ever.

MiddleClassMother · 26/10/2020 22:42

That's an awful thing to say. She sounds horribly toxic. Is there any friends you could stay with, as obviously you and your mother aren't compatible and need space.

HellooJackie · 26/10/2020 22:48

You you poor woman.
Your mother is vile.
Please try and leave

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