That this is an unforgivable thing to say?

[allthebuns]

During an argument? I wish you would have died in the car crash you had last week 😞. I feel like there's no going back from here.

had been provoked

No 'provocation' would justify saying that except some sort of evil crime maybe.

Please do find a way to leave OP. xxxxx

Are those posters pushing for context devoid of empathy? OP is feeling raw and trying to get her head together and has turned here for support.... we don’t need the details. What we know is that her mother said something incredibly brutal and that she is understandably really upset....that is all we need to know.

OP, I’m so sorry that this has happened. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation and I can hear how upset you are by what has happened.

This is definitely something that a mother should never say to her child. I can’t think of circumstances where it would be ok.

As for whether it is unforgivable, that is totally up to you. You don’t need to decide that now. You do need time to process it and put it into the context of your relationship with her (that we don’t need to know). What I will say is that holding onto this stuff long term only impacts us and so for your sake, I’d advise you find a way to work through it and let it go. But it takes time...so for now, feel whatever it is you need to feel and do whatever you need to do to be okay.

Also, in tier 2 you can leave to seek refuge.

Is there somewhere you can go if you feel you need to leave to get some space?

No, that wasn't me.

Take the car you gave her back and sell it, then leave

Omg, that is awful.

Try and live inside your head while you are living in her house. Tell yourself that you're are from now on NON reactionary (not a doormat). You are strong enough to not react.

There are techniques on youtube to help you differentiate with the goal of feeling less triggered. DBT and EFT and hypnosis. You're going to need all the help you can get and you should try every thing.
I'm listening to ''you're not crazy it's your mother'' at the moment 9on audible) and finding it soothing.

Have you posted about your mum before?

I am sorry for what has happened.

Does she hit you too?

@allthebuns, @CSIblonde

Gordon Bennet.
Painful, innit? Even more so is how these mothers will self-justify & DARVO to keep their daughter on the back foot while presenting themselves as the victim.

In the spirit of solidarity & commiseration, my mother - & your 'puce faced' comment brought this back so sharply CSI - grabbed my head & forced me to look down the loo at her unflushed sanitary wear, while screaming "You should have been an abortion! I should have cut you up & flushed you down the lavatory!"

I was maybe 7 years old, & it took a few more years to find out what A Nabortion was, but you get the gist.

Ahem! I should not hijack your thread dear buns.
Your mother is an outrageous loony, there is no excuse for her comment, it reflects on her & not you, & you must not allow her to make you feel bad about yourself.

This cannot be an isolated incident. Were your mother a boyfriend, we would all be telling you to LTB. I appreciate that this is currently impossible economically, but I would urge you to accept that you are living in a situation of ongoing domestic abuse.
If you do accept that, there may be organisations (Council? www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/?) who might be able to help you?

Right now, you need advice & support from a calm, safe & knowledgeable body. Even if it is only a hand-hold at this stage, having a professional give you some guidance about what steps you can take & what help might be open to you will not only be a practical help, it will give you some focus & hope.

I absolutely understand how overwhelming this type of maternal abuse is. Keep taking deep breaths, try not to get swamped by the feeling of 'impossible to escape' by breaking that escape plan into tiny steps.

First step - call Refuge. Even if that is not the optimum agency for your situation, they will be able to advise who might be a better port of call for you.

Second step - your mother has been a Grade A cunt to you just now, & if I was your RL friend I'd have no hesitation in telling her so. Because this IS NOT YOUR FAULT, & recognising that is a vital step.

You are not alone, & once you are able to contact an agency like Refuge to get some concrete advice & action plans, you will start to feel more in control of your situation & able to cope with the twattery your mother has subjected you to.

I hope you are able to sleep well & get rested tonight.

OP that's an absolutely bloody awful thing to say and she squirted washing up liquid over you?! Has she always been abusive? Do you have any family you could stay with?

I was told to hurry up have a seizure and die during an argument. Lovely thing to say to an epileptic.

She's a horrible, hateful hag. What an abusive arsehole. Take the old car back off her and sell it (not sure how old it is but even if it was only going to scrap, you'd still likely get a few hundred for it. That could be/go towards your deposit?) She'll likely complain and whine but honestly, she deserves fuck all from you.

Make plans to get out. I hope you're okay.

op there's no way you deserve this treatment dont take it to heart she sounds like like she's lost the plot and isn't worth dwelling on. hope you get to carry on with your plans and your future without being infected by this event

move out. She’s a cunt. Even if it’s a shitty cheap room in a big flat share

You cannot afford a masters as you need to move out.

Contact your uni for careers advice. Start sending out applications for graduate jobs.

OP I am so sorry... have you signed the car over into her name ? if not make discreet steps to take if back..

and try to move out ..

I tried to go to the council before for help but they wanted a letter from her stating that I could no longer stay there before they would help but she wouldn't give it 😒

No, the car is still in my name. It had 12 months mot so could probably get a thousand pound for it. I gave it to her as she made such a big deal of it every time she had to get a taxi 'when I had a car sitting there' and told everyone she had to walk places in the rain. She said earlier she doesn't even want it anyway apparently.

I can not imagine saying anything remotely near such an evil thing to my dcs who are in their 20s. I'm so sorry for you ❤
Do you have pastoral care at college/uni? There must be some support?
Also I agree try women's aid. Shelter. The local council.
Best of luck .

Please contact Women’s Aid, they will help you get away from her.
What a horrible woman.

Get that car sold.

Have you posted this before? It sounds similar to two other threads a while back that were both deleted by admin.

allthebuns

Can I ask where you live?
My DW who works with young people suggests that you begin by contacting your GP and confiding in them. At least there will be record of the abuse you are suffering.

Here in Wales you could contact Shelter Cymru or Llamau, they may be able to support you or signpost you to relevant surfaces.

In England I can see Centrepoint offers support for young people.

I do hope you can get away, you don't deserve this.
Sending Love and Blessings.

It is unforgivable and something that could cause real harm. My daughter is 23 and has had to come back home after finishing uni - we have all had to adjust. Her dreams job wise have been wiped out and all I want to do is support and encourage her.
I feel so sad for you to have a mother like that - it is not your fault. Please talk to someone in real life

Unforgivable!

Pretty awful, but maybe you said something equally awful to her first? Not that it makes it ok, but it might explain it.

You could contact uni about hardship fund if you're still a student.

You could also look into what benefits you'd be entitled to if you moved out.

I'd certainly take the car back and sell it...