That this is an unforgivable thing to say?

[allthebuns]

During an argument? I wish you would have died in the car crash you had last week 😞. I feel like there's no going back from here.

We can all lose it at times but I think that is pretty horrific to say to your own child.

Even in a tier 2 area you can leave and move somewhere else to get away from abuse.

Thats awful OP. Are you ok? Can you get out of the house for a bit to gather your thoughts & get away from her? I couldn't forgive that. People have default patterns of behaviour, is this hers? I've been there. I'd left my job & wanted to stay with my DM for a week or two ,to relocate back to my home town & find other work. (I'd been living down South & hated it). My mother's exact words: "you're a millstone round my neck". While puce & screeching hysterically. But it was fine for my older sister to live with her. I've been NC ever since. No regrets.

DH and I can get quite nasty in a row, but even this is

What a horrible thing to say. I really feel for you I can imagine you are heartbroken 😔

Context is irrelevant in this instance. Unless it's in the realm of the most grievous wrongdoing, like defrauding her of her life's security or deliberately running over her pet kitten, there is no excuse for saying such a thing to anyone.

When it's your own mother? Well that might well fall into the category of unforgivable.

I'd be inclined to try to process this one through counselling, OP. There are likely a lot of knotty issues in your relationship with your mother that need to be unpicked. You must be reeling, and I'm sorry you've found yourself in such a hurtful place

I am so sorry you had your own Mother say that to you. I don't know what your relationship is usually like, and whether or not your Mum will be mortified later on but I would like to send you a virtual hug as no child should ever hear that from their own Mum., whatever your age.

I would stay away from her for the rest of the evening (year). Let her know how much she has hurt you at a better time, don't try to do it tonight.

Hope you're ok and as I said, virtual hug coming your way (I think this may be my first ever MN hug)

You may choose to forgive it, but you most certainly don't have to.

Is there a friend or another member of the family you could stay with temporarily?

Is it about rent - has your mother got form for talking to you like this?

Whatever the context it’s a nasty thing to say and not apologise for.

So this situation isn’t working what are the options?
A) live in positions?
B) promotion/pay rise?
C) house share?
D) sofa surfing?

What do you want OP? You’re 23 take control.

Sweet God, I’m speechless.

Allthebuns, stay strong even though you’re feeling wobbly. Don’t make a rushed decision but start thinking about ways in which you can get the hell out of that house. Are there friends who need a lodger, other family you can stay with or even shared houses with a room going?

Until you can get something sorted, keep your distance. Have you got a TV in your room? Can you sort your own food and drink and just keep out of her way? Far from ideal I know, butch be the best way to keep the peace and protect yourself from more of her outbursts.

Be kind to yourself x

Sounds like the sort of shite my dad used to say to me. The only cure for it was moving out. I had to come home again a few times due to circumstances and it would always rear back up again despite my doing my best to stay out of his way.

I'd suggest ringing someone for support, if you called women's aid they may be able to help you to find somewhere you could go and afford to be. It's always worth trying.

I hope things improve and I'm sorry she said that to you.

The only context in which saying you wished someone was dead would be if OP was currently abusing or trying to kill the person.

She also threw a tin of half open mushy peas across the kitchen and squirted washing up liquid all over me. I was supposed to be saving for my masters degree that I had to defer until next year but I may have to give that up to be able to move out of here. I gave her my old car last month as she didn't have one and I could really do with that money right now 🙁

Some people are just fucking nosey and want to know the sordid details because they think MN is a tabloid.

Unless you robbed her pension, I cannot imagine why anyone would say that.

How much do you earn a week, on average? Whereabouts (roughly) do you live? I bet there is a solution. Sure it will leave you with not much disposable income but what cost is your MH worth, really?

OP that's really sad. I'm sorry you heard that from your own mother.
As a mother, I cannot fathom how anyone could say this to their child. I love my daughters more than anything and do whatever I can for them. Their happiness, health and wellbeing is my highest priority.

Unforgivable. Separate yourself from her indefinitely.

Unforgiveable. as a mother i couldnt even bear to think about saying that

Sell your car anyway. It’s not like she can get worse. Or just drive it to a friends’ house and isolate with them for the duration?

I'm going to start looking for a better paid job tomorrow but even a shared room around this way is about £500 pound per month plus deposit. I could get rid of my car but I need it to get to work .

The only way to go from here is to go NC with her..... jeez i am so sorry for you op

I can't imagine ever saying that to either of my children, and I've got quite a temper. It's pretty unforgivable in my view. I think you're best getting out now and saving up for your masters later. Does your mum somehow labour under the misapprehension that you're responsible for her rather than the other way around! Sorry OP.

You've posted about living with your mum before, haven't you? I think you were afraid to come out of your room because of her, at one point?

If that's you, then your relationship with her has been pretty much past saving for a long long time.

She's a piece of work, isn't she?

Have you actually put the car in her name? If not I'd rescind that offer and sell it, and move out with the profits.

@picklemewalnuts

You've posted about living with your mum before, haven't you? I think you were afraid to come out of your room because of her, at one point?

If that's you, then your relationship with her has been pretty much past saving for a long long time.

I was just about to post, havent we been here before, IIRC the last thread got pulled

I'm so sorry that your mother is a monster. I know it will take time to move out with your work situation and 2020 but now you know where you stand and while you're going to have to live with her for a bit longer, start the things you need to do to get away from her. What she said was hateful and unforgivable. Or if forgivable, then definitely not to be forgotten.