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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend keeps taking photos all the time when we’re out!

97 replies

Watermelon999 · 26/10/2020 08:56

Ok, so I know this is not a first world problem, but it is irritating, and I wondered if anyone else does this and can shed any light on why!

If we are on a walk, or out anywhere in the past, my friend is frequently taking photos on her phone. Sometimes posed, sometimes I don’t have a clue they’re being taken.

Pretty much 100% unflattering, as they’re usually not the best angle, especially the ones I don’t know about! (Think double chins, not holding tummy in, close ups of face etc!).

The photos then all end up on Facebook. She will add a couple of flattering ones of her and then about 10+ of me at all angles. Sometimes eating a mouthful of food, or in the middle of speaking with my mouth open!

While it’s sometimes nice to have a record of a day, I would usually only post fairly flattering pictures of anyone! Also, i then spend the whole day stressing about whether I actually look like that!

I have dropped a few hints, saying I hope these aren’t going to end up on Facebook, or things like I think we should get on with walking and not stopping all the time, but to no avail!

Maybe I need to be more blunt, but otherwise I enjoy myself! Am I being over sensitive? Is anyone else like this? Can you shed any light as to why you do it?

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 26/10/2020 10:16

I would also not stop to take photos, and if she whips her phone out say, "not this again, can't we just enjoy the walk?".

I had a trip to Dublin with a friend spoiled by her wanting photos of everything, and also mostly with us standing in front of things. Unlike OPs friend it wasn't about unflattering pics, but I did end up grumbling about being asked to stand in front of yet another building.

I mean, if you want a picture of the building, I'm just getting in the way, right?

contactusdeletus · 26/10/2020 10:19

I had a friend who carried on like this. I hate to say it, but there's a good chance she's only meeting up with you at all so she can take these pictures and put them on her Facebook. If she can't post proof of a social life on social media, she feels like she doesn't have one and people will judge her.

There's not much you can do about people like this, because the sad truth is they value the appearance of friendship more than the actual time spent with you. I hope this isn't the case with your friend. The only real way to know is to veto the constant picture taking and arrange to keep meeting her anyway. If she suddenly starts making excuses not to see you, you sadly have your answer.

AcornAutumn · 26/10/2020 10:22

I’d emphasise that she can’t take the photos. You have no control over where she puts them after she’s got them.

ginsparkles · 26/10/2020 10:25

I'm one of those who takes photos when I'm out, (yes even of my lovely cup of coffee!) but I would never post an unflattering photo of a friend, in fact if my friends don't post pics on social media, I only use photos without them or their children in them. I post photos of friends who use their social media in a similar way to me.
I think you need to tell her straight not to post pictures of you. If someone said that to me I would completely respect their request.

bertiebanana · 26/10/2020 10:46

Stop going out with her?

I couldn't be bothered with this. She sounds like a complete and utter pain in the arse.

jessstan1 · 26/10/2020 10:55

Be firm and object to photographs of you being taken. I wouldn't allow it, it is an intrusion.

OldEvilOwl · 26/10/2020 10:56

Take her phone off her and put it in your pocket and she can have it back after the walk.

You can't just demand someone else's phone, and tell them when they can have it back!
Tell her to stop putting photos of you up and make sure you change your settings so that no 'tag's' or photos can go on your profile without you approving them

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/10/2020 10:59

To be honest - who is looking at these photos?

When my friends post albums of pictures of them doing things - I give a cursory glance but never open the album to scroll through all the pictures, why would I? People doing things aren't that interesting!

So why does she feel the need to document her life so thoroughly? Who is she trying to impress?

LibisLib · 26/10/2020 11:00

She’s probably not paying any attention his you look in the photos and just focusing on herself. I agree it’s very annoying and invasive.

I’d tell her very clearly, as others have suggested, that you do not want her putting photos of you on Facebook.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 26/10/2020 11:06

Oh god i hate this too...i have a friend who has videoed me dancing at parties etc and then shows other people after the event...really pisses me off....i limit my contact with her now.

Brefugee · 26/10/2020 11:07

I have dropped a few hints, saying I hope these aren’t going to end up on Facebook, or things like I think we should get on with walking and not stopping all the time, but to no avail!

Tell her not to do it. And then tell her to take them down. And if she doesn't report to fb.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 26/10/2020 11:09

Someone did this to me once. I was furious and messaged them instantly asking them to remove it. Job done. Ask her to take them down and make it clear you don’t want her to do it again.

Audreyseyebrows · 26/10/2020 11:10

Tell her if she’s going to act like a insta teen then you will take possession of her phone while out.

I can’t think of anything worse.

user27378 · 26/10/2020 11:16

Photography is a hobby of mine and I take a lot of photos on days out. However, I almost never post pictures of friends on social media, if I do they are definitely flattering and only with friends who post pictures of me and themselves a lot anyway. More often I edit the best ones and send them directly. Your friend is being incredibly rude, since you've already said 'I hope these don't end up on Facrbook' I think she needs a taste of her own medicine.

keeprocking · 26/10/2020 11:17

Take my photo on your phone or anything else and you run the risk of your device accidently finding itself under my boot! I always say to people who don't know already Do not, ever, include me in your photos. One smart arse on a tour decided to make it a challenge , he took a few without my knowledge and, unfortunately for him, bragged about it. Sadly when he returned from the loo his memory card was totally blank, I deleted every one he'd taken.

TheArchFear · 26/10/2020 11:19

No one is judging you. Only her.

BeenThereDone · 26/10/2020 11:27

If you don't want your picture up then you must tell her. I've done it, "please don't post any pictures of me". Now if she continues to do so then you must reassess your friendship

Frazzled2207 · 26/10/2020 11:45

I (slightly irrationally) hate photos taken of me. I am ok with the occasional 'here we all are at a wedding/special occasion' one as I have usually made an effort with my appearance but would absolutely not tolerate people a. taking random photos of me and b. posting them on fb without my permission.

you need to tell her that you don't want her to take any photos of you unless you specifically say so. Even if she doesn't post them on facebook it sounds like she can't be trusted not to share them .

jessycake · 26/10/2020 11:45

Be blunt and tell her , or take and post some really unflattering ones of her and post them

lioncitygirl · 26/10/2020 11:47

Do it back to her.

InOtterNews · 26/10/2020 11:49

@Redwolf1

You need to be blunt. "Please dont post any photos of me on facebook" no exceptions then the boundary cant be pushed

Also there is a Facebook setting where have to approve any photos you're tagged in before they can be posted. Make sure it's switched on

LindaEllen · 26/10/2020 11:50

I had a friend who would do this, and I'm very self-conscious as a person anyway, so as a general rule I don't put photos on social media. I mean, self-conscious to the point that sometimes looking in a mirror makes me feel incredibly low.

I understand you can't get away with it all the time, as people want group shots etc if you're doing something special. Where I can't get away with offering to be the photographer, I will do my best to pose!

But this friend I had, my god, it's like the camera was never out of her hands, and she was even taking photos when we were in restaurants eating. Obviously there were none of her as she was taking the photos, but she'd happily snap away through mealtimes and there were horrible photos of the rest of us eating our meals. I asked her to stop several times and she promised none would go on of me, yet later on you could guarantee they would be there.

I even sent her an inbox message once saying I was sorry if I seemed miserable or whatever, but then told her a bit about my body image issues which have gone on since I was a child. She apologised profusely and promised not to photograph me again - or at least not without letting me pose.

Nothing changed.

I actually stopped seeing this friend for precisely that reason.

I don't mind the odd photo (well, I do, but I mean I can deal with it), but when it's ALL the time, and you have your friends doing the laughing react to them, it's hard to take. They're not being unkind, I get that the pictures are funny, it's just that seeing people react like that takes me right back to my teens when people laughed at me.

Basically, fuck her off if she won't listen.

LindaEllen · 26/10/2020 11:52

@InOtterNews While this might stop the tag from being added, it unfortunately doesn't stop the photo from being posted - and when you have lots of mutual friends anyway, and people start liking or commenting on the album, you'll find it's just as visible. I tried this :(.

yetanothernamitynamechange · 26/10/2020 11:55

To give her the benefit of the doubt if she's a good friend - she might not be doing it to be bitchy. People judge other peoples looks in photos and in real life differently to how they judge their own, particularly in the case of friends. So if she sees a photo of her with her mouth open she might think "urgh thats hideous" and not post it. A photo of you in a similar pose she might think looks fine (whereas it will look dreadful to you). The only way to know is to be compleely direct with her, and if she still keeps posting photos you know she doesnt care what you think.

nosswith · 26/10/2020 11:56

Tell her you do not want your photo taken. Be firm.

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