AIBU? A laying in one.

[snapthesnap]

For context - I'm a SAHM for the most part with a bit of PT evening work mon-fri, we have one at school and one nursery aged DC who is currently at home with me.
DP works FT mon-fri and often in the office in the evenings for an hour or so to prep for next day.

DC2 wakes up around 6am and often wakes DC1 up , it's before anyone needs to be up really. They usually go to DPs side and climb in bed with us as he seems to be the current favourite parent and he takes them down puts TV on and gives them a drink and then either comes back to bed for a bit or does a home workout. I get up and give them breakfast / get them ready for the day / do school run.

He did the same yesterday and last night said he thinks he'll have a lay in today. I said ok cool I'll get up with them. DC2 woke up on his own this time about 5.30 am (due to the time change I think), came into our bedroom and climbed in bed as he always does, pretty much straight away DP got up and took him downstairs, I didn't say anything. Then for some reason DP decided he was going to sleep downstairs on the sofa, dc1 went down to join them and after a while I heard DP telling them off and raising his voice, they were playing rough together and disturbing his sleep.
He sent them back upstairs and they went to play in their bedroom, I went in to see them and they asked if they can have a bath so I've just popped them in for a bit.

I have a feeling there will be lots of huffing and puffing today and he will be in a foul mood and talking about how he's so tired and didn't get to sleep properly and so on even though I think he didn't even really give me a chance to get up and then decided to sleep on the sofa? AIBU to think it's his own fault? I'm prepared to be told IABU, but he could've given me a nudge if I didn't react fast enough this morning even though I really don't think that's the case, if he really wanted to take DC down but wanted some sleep after he could've just come back to bed and tell me he's going back to sleep and I would've gone down, I told him I was more than happy to get up, it's like the only acceptable solution was for me to leap out of bed immediately or he was going to do it and now be in a mood.

He's working tomorrow but has taken the rest of the week off to spend time with DC during half term and I'm happy for him to sleep in everyday if he wants. I don't shirk from getting up but he's just stared doing it one day a few weeks ago and it just fell into that pattern as we didn't really talk about it.

So AIBU? Did I not react quick enough?

[Eckhart]

You need to work on the communication within your relationship, if such a non issue is causing you to post on an internet forum for advice about something that hasn't happened yet.

If he's pissed off he should talk to you about it rather than huffing about all day and causing an uncomfortable atmosphere.

If you think you should have got up, you should apologise unprompted. If you think he should have given you more chance to get up, you should ask him to do that next time.

Do you actually get on, and understand each other, most of the time?This sounds like a 'tip of the iceburg' type thing, to me.

[MikeUniformMike]

It's a lie in not a lay in.

[ShirleyPhallus]

Agree with the others sorry, YABU

[diddl]

Presumably the youngest is always wide awake when they come in?

Well, it would have been nice if you'd got up, but equally your OH could have waited a bit or said something!

He was wrong to shout at the kids, but why didn't you get up as soon as you heard the oldest go downstairs?

[Poulter]

YABU. Why didn't you get up when you heard the children come in. It's not a proper lie in if you get woken up.

[ImMoana]

Yeah YABU.

[Notapheasantplucker]

It's a lie in not a lay in.

Thank fuck someone said that @MikeUniformMike

YABU op, I'd be pissed off too.

[Brieminewine]

Yep YABU. I’d be really pissed off with you too

[MikeUniformMike]

I opened the thread because I thought someone had been laid into.

[MadameMeursault]

YABU. You told him you’d get up and you didn’t. When he took them downstairs he was probably expecting you’d come and take over. You need to thank him for getting up, apologise, and promise him some lay-ins this week.

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

No one's being unreasonable. The clock change always messes little ones up. If it has been the normal 6.30 wake-up call you would probably have moved faster. YWNBU to hope your DC would settle back to sleep for an hour in your bed. HWNBU to hope he could doze off on the sofa. No one WBU to be a bit grumpy after a 5.30 start on a Sunday. Try and have a nice day once you're all up.

And yes, it's a lie in. I thought it was going to be about laying in supplies for Christmas/a new lockdown/the end of the world.

[hillfda]

@MikeUniformMike

I opened the thread because I thought someone had been laid into.

Me too

[Jeezoh]

It sounds like you agreed he could have a lie in and then passively took it away from him by not taking responsibility as soon as you realised he was getting up. I don’t blame him if he is miffed at you!

[snapthesnap]

@LiveFromHome I didn't know he was trying to sleep downstairs until I heard him shouting at the DCs. I thought he was watching TV with them. I also didn't hear the other DC go downstairs and only realised they were down there when DP was shouting.

When he went down I did fall back asleep. Not really intentionally but I did, I was kind of expecting him to come back up and get in bed after setting the TV up at which point I would've gone down and made sure DC1 didn't disturb him when he woke up but he never came back and I dozed off.

But just to repeat - he never just jumps out of bed like that, we always let DCs in bed in the morning I wasn't just laid there hoping he'd get up, DC barely just climbed in and I just tucked them under the covers in between us and he was out.

So far:

• I told him I was more than happy to get up with DC and wasn't sure why he just got out of bed like that as DC barely got in he said "he was already up".
• I have asked him if he wants to go back up and have a nap, but he said he's planned to do xyz in the garden and prep something for work and can't, I said he can if he wants to as we've got most of next week to get on top of house stuff but apparently he can't as we've not been on top of the house this past week too.

That's because DC1 school has been closed and I've been homeschooling with both DCs here all week.
DP doesn't do housework so I didn't understand what point he was making.

• suggested he goes for a shower/bath to have some time and tried to work out the most pressing things that need doing for tomorrow which is just the work thing basically, he said "it's not like that" the whole day is messed up and he's just so tired and can't spend time with DCs like he wanted to because he just can't concentrate
• went back to the nap suggestion but apparently that will mess up his whole day and he won't be able to go to sleep tonight
• suggested a short power nap with an alarm set so he can get some shut eye and maybe a shower after and then just do the work as the garden can definitely wait , but that's not a proper rest.

So I told him to think about what he wants to do and gently reiterated we've most of next week to do house bits and spend time with DCs and the garden really isn't pressing and we've no plans for today so even if he naps it's not getting in the way of anything and the work thing won't take long anyway.

He's now gone for a nap to "see if he can get any sleep at all".

[plunkplunkfizz]

Sounds like all this could have been avoided very easily by you keeping up your end of the bargain.

[Redlocks28]

@plunkplunkfizz

Sounds like all this could have been avoided very easily by you keeping up your end of the bargain.

Agreed!

[lazylinguist]

It's a lie in not a lay in.

Thank fuck someone said that @MikeUniformMike**

Ditto! And YABU OP.

[WhereverIGoddamnLike]

So you went back to sleep? Thats not on.

Instead of throwing suggestions at him, the only thing you should be doing right now is apologising. Dont make excuses, dont blame him for getting out the bed, dont blame him for not coming back upstairs. This is on you. You should be giving him a real apology and then help with whatever needs to be done today.

[CheetasOnFajitas]

@lazylinguist

It's a lie in not a lay in.

Thank fuck someone said that @MikeUniformMike**

Ditto! And YABU OP.

It’s actually a “long lie” if you are in Scotland

I don’t think OP is British or in the U.K. though as she talks about schools being closed last week (not holiday, closed and requiring child to be home schooled).

[Mydogatemypurse]

I think this is completely normal for a couple with 2 young children. You are both tired and stressed and the added worry of covid. Let the day pass and have a calm chat and a cuddle later. Dont worry xx

[Florencex]

Yes YABU.

All you had to do was say, I’ll go. And him getting out within 30 seconds is not exactly quick, I expect he was waiting for you to go. I can’t believe you were still in bed over three hours later too!

[Oblomov20]

YABU
No wonder he snapped at you. I would have too. I would have been really pissed off.

[snapthesnap]

@Florencex I don't mean it took him 30secs to get out of bed. I mean DC was barely in bed with us as usually for a morning cuddle and DP just swung himself out of bed it probably took him a couple of seconds if that.
I wasn't fully alert just yet but was going to have a little cuddle and get up with them.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

So he’s still in the wrong? You peppered him with questions, he’d been up for about 4 hours and figured it was worth just getting with the day and he’s unreasonable? Have you said sorry for whelching and made him a cup of coffee?

[lazylinguist]

I don’t think OP is British or in the U.K. though as she talks about schools being closed last week (not holiday, closed and requiring child to be home schooled).

She talked about it being half term this week in her OP. And mentiined that her dc's school was closed (maybe due to an outbreak?) , not that schools in her area were closed in general.

In any case, I don't think 'a lay in' is regional or non-British English, it's just a fairly common confusion between the verbs 'to lay' and 'to lie' (kind of understandable, as bits of them are the same!)