Family and money - help!

[notdawn]

I will try and keep this as brief as possible - but really would like some candid advice.

Towards the end of last year my sister and her now ex husband wanted to put their house on the market. Before they did my husband offered them full asking of the agents valuation. In all honesty he probably slightly overpaid.

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal. We own the house next door (we don't live there) and with the land there was always going be a fairly decent opportunity to develop.

Anyway as it was going through my sister started making comments about how much money we would be making from the deal. The truth is she had and has no idea how much money we will or wont make as she has no idea about building costs, planning costs, marketing costs etc - and I just put it down to her going through a divorce.

Anyway the build was on hold for a couple of months - but the flats where our houses once were will be going on the market Monday and she has been quite vocal about how much money we will make and how we couldn't have done it without her.

AIBU - I mean she wanted to sell her house and we gave her asking price?

We are very close, our kids are close, I am not sure why she is being like this. I suggested to my husband possibly a smallish payment once they are sold - but he is saying absolutely no way.

Thoughts?

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I can see both sides.

She was going to sell anyway. You gave her slightly over the asking price. 5% of a million is 50k and that's a lot.

But. You knew your sister was going through a shit time. You paid her a tiny percent over what she wanted and ultimately (like a lot of posters have said and you have ignored) you have profited from that. I dont know how much but I'm imagining much over the 5% extra you've paid her.

Can you not see how she might be upset? She might not be doing too abd in a nice 4 bed but she has had to sell her family home, she has made a choice she didn't want to and is worse off than before and you're better off?

My husbands family are farmers. A couple of generations ago, one brother sold a horse to another as he really wanted it. The new owner sold it on for a profit. The original owner was pissed off because they felt the second owner profited from them. The second owner was pissed off because they felt they'd been fair paying market price. The brothers never spoke again.

Do you really want your sister to feel like you screwed her over for a profit and your your relationship for ever?

[notdawn]

@Fatted

You're not being unreasonable in any way.

But I don't think it's about the house. It's about her divorce. You, her sibling, have financially profited as a result of her divorce, which is a bit pants. Also, the house has been demolished I presume. So her previous married/family life has been reduced to a pile of rubble. All while you and your DH are still happily married and doing very nicely out of it all.

It sounds to me like she is hurting about the divorce, mourning the married life she has lost and is bitter about you and your DH being ok. The money is a red herring.

I think you are probably right.

[notdawn]

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

I can see both sides.

She was going to sell anyway. You gave her slightly over the asking price. 5% of a million is 50k and that's a lot.

But. You knew your sister was going through a shit time. You paid her a tiny percent over what she wanted and ultimately (like a lot of posters have said and you have ignored) you have profited from that. I dont know how much but I'm imagining much over the 5% extra you've paid her.

Can you not see how she might be upset? She might not be doing too abd in a nice 4 bed but she has had to sell her family home, she has made a choice she didn't want to and is worse off than before and you're better off?

My husbands family are farmers. A couple of generations ago, one brother sold a horse to another as he really wanted it. The new owner sold it on for a profit. The original owner was pissed off because they felt the second owner profited from them. The second owner was pissed off because they felt they'd been fair paying market price. The brothers never spoke again.

Do you really want your sister to feel like you screwed her over for a profit and your your relationship for ever?

We will make a profit from the development yes - but she has known we have wanted the house for nearly a decade. Like I said 3 years ago when a job opp came up she was desperate for us to buy.

Of course I don't want her to feel like that - but what can I do?

[AcrossthePond55]

She and her ex needed to sell. You and DH offered to buy at the market price. Did she think you were buying just to do her a favour?

I'm assuming she knew you'd be developing the properties and that you'd want to maximize profits otherwise why bother? You aren't a charitable institution, of course you wanted to get the most 'bang for your buck'. If you'd bought it to live in, wanted to sell now and property values had trebled, would she think you should sell it for what you paid her for it? Phfffft!

Ignore her. It's none of her business how much you make and you certainly don't have to justify yourself to her.

[user1487194234]

TBH I think she thinks you have taken advantage of her and I can see her point
Technically you haven't done anything wrong,but I would not have done this

[Marchitectmummy]

Hhhm, I would have offered them to be included on the deal rather than tried to buy it from them to develop yourself why wouldn't you use your skills to benefit both your family and hers. Money is easy come easy go but ruining your relationship with your sister should have more value to you.

[bristolchannel]

another pov is that she feels hurt and envious and just wants to shout and stamp her feet.

she'll tell everyone else in the family and any mutual friends how you ruthlessly profited from her divorce whilst poor little her was done out of the extra over cost she could have made from it if she had been you. and get lots of sympathy in the process.

sometimes even with best intentions you may not be able to control this outcome.

[Bid876]

She knew why you were buying it and being a property developer is a business, you have to make money to be a business. She got the asking price, she may have been forced to take less if they were selling for the divorce and no one was offering full asking price, who ever dose?? My DB owns his own business and never ever mixes business & family not even slightly for this very reason, he makes it clear that his business is what provides for his family, if people want to hire him it’s at full rates.

My response the next time she brings it up would be “what exactly is it you want from me? And see what she says x

[notdawn]

I am going to ask what she wants I think.

[marveloustimeruiningeverything]

You're her sister. And by all appearances, you profited from her divorce.

If anyone else had bought the house, you wouldn't be able to have knocked down both houses and profited as you have. But you did.

Yes, it's business. But she's also family.

She may well wonder why you didn't offer to join forces years ago with the potential to make a profit from the two pieces of real estate... instead of picking off a primary asset of her divorce to do so.

[EarlGreyJenny]

This is grim. Technically you might be right but from your sister's point of view she lost her marriage and her home and her sister is financially benefiting from it. I cannot imagine my sister doing that to me for one second.

[popcorndiva]

I agree with PP its symbolic

You have bought her marital home and like her marriage smashed it to the ground. No trace of her marriage left and I assume she has to drive past it and its now became this big metaphor.

Try and be a bit more sympathetic as you are coming across like you don't care about her feelings. The 3 years ago is not comparable as she was still married then and wanting to move to a new marital home

[stackemhigh]

@notdawn

I am going to ask what she wants I think.

I wouldn’t. You may feel obliged to get it. She’s got a 500k house, she’s fine!

[Babyroobs]

You have profited by her being your sister and therefore you knowing about the house being on the market before anyone else did and therefore bagging it first !! The fact that you owned the other house on the plot meant you could no doubt profit hugely in a way no-one else would have been able to. I can understand where she's coming from.

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

@Babyroobs

You have profited by her being your sister and therefore you knowing about the house being on the market before anyone else did and therefore bagging it first !! The fact that you owned the other house on the plot meant you could no doubt profit hugely in a way no-one else would have been able to. I can understand where she's coming from.

There's nothing that stopped the sister saying no or putting the house on the market.

OP expressed interest, and even if they asked for first refusal she still could've said no and went through agents and a proper sale.

[jessstan1]

I think it is in very poor taste of your sister to be going on about something that she agreed to willingly and out of which probably did quite well. What business is it of hers if you make a lot of money out of it all? You and husband took the risk and his expertise made the project possible.

That would annoy me, there is an element of resentment about it and I think you should say something about it next time she gets carried away.

[ThistleWitch]

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal

so did they have a choice who to sell to? sounds like they were told they had to sell to you....

[notdawn]

@ThistleWitch

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal

so did they have a choice who to sell to? sounds like they were told they had to sell to you....

Of course they did - he just really wanted it hence why he paid over asking.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I don’t know that I agree that she’s just hurting over the divorce. Most people don’t understand money made from capital investment - they see it as money that is not ill gotten exactly, but not earned. She may well see it as like you winning the lottery with numbers she suggested.

It might help to talk to her about the sacrifices and risks you took in developing the land, to point out that it’s your husband’s job and that he doesn’t get a wage he just gets the profit he can make from developing. It might help to offer her opportunities to invest her own money in a future build and risk losing money in order to make it (though your DH may not be happy with that). But there may not be anything much you can do. I don’t think offering her some of the profit would help much - especially since she has such a skewed idea of how much you’ve actually made.

[Glitteryone]

She’s clearly jealous OP.

Maybe her straight about the costs that need to be factored in before profits? But I get where you’re coming from, it’s really none of her business!

[AcrossthePond55]

@notdawn

I am going to ask what she wants I think.

I wouldn't. I might ask her what her purpose is in continually going on about it, but I certainly wouldn't ask her what she 'wants'. What if what she 'wants' is 50% of your profits or something equally unreasonable?

[cunningartificer]

Perhaps talk her through some of the realities (tax, costs, risks) so she stops thinking it’s all profit? You’ve done nothing wrong in buying her house.

[baller20]

Technically you haven't done anything wrong,but I would not have done this

Agreed.

[Porridgeoat]

Of course she has no entitlement to any money from the sale of the flats. She hasn’t contributed to the build in any shape or form. She had all her cash when she sold her house to you at full whack.

[Girlyracer]

Your DSis is being unreasonable. She got her money, no more than anyone else would have paid. Just because you take the risk to property develop, and it pays off, doesn't mean she can feel aggrieved.