To ask what you think of this childhood incident?

[NorthGirl2]

When I was 13 I had a birthday get together at my house with a few friends. My dad brought my birthday cake out and it was a cake in the design of breasts. They sold these cakes at Tesco at the time.

I was mortified and my friends were also embarrassed. My dad thought it was hilarious.

I was talking with a colleague about embarrassing childhood moments and mentioned this story. She was shocked and said if that happened today there would be concerns.

I just wanted opinions on what others would think of this - my mum knew about the cake but didn't try to stop it

I don’t think it’s weird or creepy. Just seems to me he tried to be funny but got it wrong.

What was he like otherwise?

Shockingly inappropriate

Very inappropriate and probably means your dad didn't have good boundaries or respect for women. Definitely bad parenting. But as an isolated incident probably just spectacularly crap for you rather than anything else.

Dory moment, I actually did get a breast cake for six months of breastfeeding Hard to keep track, it was a time of a lot boobs anyway haha.

What flavour was the cake?

The worst thing about this is the dad seemed to be ok with embarrassing the OP in front of her friends. That is unkind.

I think this is wrong on so many levels.Misogynous ,and disrespectful are 2 things that spring to mind.In front of your friends ,very weird to have a bunch of young girls feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable I would imagine.Also Why didnt your DM step in? On its own its a crass regrettable incident that probably your friends remember .At worst some kind of abuse wrapped up as a "joke" Were there lots of these sorts of "incidents"?

I think it is awful. My own dad would never have done this but I have come across a few friends' dads over the years who would do this kind of thing, trying to shock, embarrass or put down their daughters. I have attended weddings where the father of the bride's speech has been just awful, "jokes" about his daughter putting her down, and the daughters who I know as strong, successful independent women just take it, and don't even see how wrong it is because they are so used to it

what everyone else says. Awful. I am sorry.

I think it would be a reason to question what other inappropriate behaviour was a feature of that father/daughter relationship.

It could be a badly judged joke or it could be much more sinister. In the safeguarding world, you're now required to record it as a concern because that might be the only opportunity anyone ever has to intervene in an abusive situation.

This reminds me of a friends dad. He mad me uncomfortable and was quit awkward. He tried to be funny but I think he just didn't know how to relate to teenage girls. He was never really inappropriate but still I felt uneasy. Feel like this depends on whether it's part of a series of inappropriate behaviour or was it a one off? It's strange behaviour though.

Reminds me of my own father and it is very inappropriate OP.

When my cousin turned 13 my uncle, her stepdad, got her an overly sexy lingerie set bra and knickers. To all of them it was a hilarious joke, and even after they split he’s still a very good stepdad to her now with a fantastic relationship, but I think most outsiders found it weird.

I think that's horrendous, I'd be mortified as an adult to receive that.
In my house it was just as bad with my dad opening the paper on page 3 of the smutty newspaper and saying things like "get a load of her"
Erm. No thanks dad

God this reminds me when my uncles had their 40th birthday party, mainly for family.
Can't remember who bought the cake for them, but it was decorated with woman's labias. As a young teen I wanted the ground open and swallow me in embarrassment as for the photos they were licking them They had their young kids etc there... They always were twats. Their side of the family is different to mine, thank God for that.

Anyway yes, totally inappropriate from your dad.

I'm on the fence.
DH would not have got that for 13yo DD.
However, when DD was about age 15 he would have pointed it out in the store to DD, and then they would have had rude banter about it for a few minutes each of them escalating the innuendos.

My brothers & my mother could have had a similar conversation when my brothers were about 20.

Some families find humour, draw boundaries in different places.

Christ don't know where that icon came from, I wanted the embarrassment one.

Completely disgusting

Didn't princess Diana get this for Prince Williams 13th bday?
I think it's embarrassing but with no other behaviours it's just that. I imagine op is heading for 40 now and the fact this cake was for sale in a supermarket shows that times have changed.

Sounds like a dad joke gone wrong........unless there was other oddness I don't think you should be deciding you've had an abusive childhood based on the opinion of a workmate and a few, random mumsnetters tbh.

I think the fact that is still stands out in your mind as a mortifying experience tells you that (at the very least) there was some seriously poor judgement involved.

How do you feel generally about your relationship with your dad?

That sounds like a nasty thing to do - did he have mental health issues or was he just an arsehole? Or are there other examples of this sort of behaviour? How do you get on with him now?

Totally inappropriate and safeguarding concern flags if you had mentioned that at school for sure

Totally inappropriate and safeguarding concern flags if you had mentioned that at school for sure

Not in the 80s unfortunately.