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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To assume he's shagging another woman right now

115 replies

Stressedmessdress · 23/10/2020 23:58

I've been talking to a man every day for the past couple of weeks. We've known each other from work for about 6 months now and have always gotten along well, but he seems to have ranked things up recently. It's almost always him beginning message conversations with me, often multiple times a day.

I asked if he's doing anything fun this weekend because he's in a tier 1 area and he gave me a cagey answer. He then sent me a picture of him driving somewhere at about 5pm. Since then, he hasn't been online on his phone or texted me at all. My immediate reaction is to think that he was driving to meet up with a woman and isn't messaging me because he's busy shagging her right now.

Is this a leap?

OP posts:
LockdownLump · 24/10/2020 09:31

obsezzed

How did this not come up as an error in your predictive text??

OP, why the hell would be send you a picture of himself driving?? Sounds a bit Alan Partridge.

Leave him to it. Maybe the quarantine has drove you a bit bonkers. But don't date anyone from work. It may work for some people, but more often than not, the inevitable happens and it ends up awkward for everyone involved.

whatsbinhappnin · 24/10/2020 09:37

@LockdownLump I really don't know what happened there Grin I quite like that spelling though,might start using it

sonjadog · 24/10/2020 09:38

I think that he sent you a photo on his way somewhere is a good sign that no other woman is involved. Who sends someone they want to date a photo of themselves on their way to shag someone else??

Rotundandhappy · 24/10/2020 09:47

You totally messaged him didn’t you, OP?

MiddleClassProblem · 24/10/2020 09:57

Any update this morning? Have you realised you were skating on fin ice? Did he tell you to get trout of his life? Did he tell his side from a different angle?

The suspense of where he was is krilling me. Let minnow the trout come (sorry twice).

But maybe you should let him know you like him? Carpe diem an all...

DrManhattan · 24/10/2020 10:00

@rotundandhappy

Totally. Desperation isn't attractive lol

SuperFairy · 24/10/2020 10:03

You guys 😂 😂 😂

Justmuddlingalong · 24/10/2020 10:06

Maybe he was away to a dogging site? Shagging multiple women. Still none of your business.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 24/10/2020 10:37

Oh wow all the fish puns! I'm so glad I said fishing 😂😂😂😂

Storyoftonight · 24/10/2020 10:41

So glad I came for the fish punsGrin

OP, you've been talking to him for two weeks. I know the early stages are a killer but obsessing about where he is....dial it back .

MitziK · 24/10/2020 10:59

@Stressedmessdress

Don't want to out myself but he made a joke and didn't actually answer the question. He doesn't have any family nearby and who goes fishing at 10pm at night?
People who go night fishing.

It's a real thing.

MitziK · 24/10/2020 11:12

Sorry, hit send too soon.

Night Fishing - usually involves a vast amount of expenditure and time.

If he's into large carp, it is best to run away now, lest you get dragged into conversations about what brand of boilie is best, find out he's just spent three hundred on a radio controlled bait boat, he's used his annual leave to go and fish in a lake somewhere in France or sodding Ebro for the catfish and find yourself constantly surrounded by dark green equipment involving full camouflage clothing, bivvies, umbrellas, chairs more expensive than a three piece suite, rods, unhooking mats and everything smelling vaguely of rotten Mackerel (as per the boilies and various extra oils you can add to them to increase the attractiveness to fish).

If he's actually more interested in predator fishing, it's not so bad, but put your foot down at the prospect of live bait, as it's bloody cruel and banned in most fisheries. And he still might use up his leave to go fishbothering somewhere with nothing for you to do.

And if he's the sort of person who just likes fishing, see if you can go along. As long as you don't expect to talk at all, have no objections to existing on bacon sandwiches and coffee from a thermos and don't scream when he passes you the tub of maggots or casters. And tell him to fuck off if he gets out a keep net as he isn't in a competition and they are cruel/harmful to fish.

It's all catch and release, not killing them and a vegetarian is even more likely to use barbless hooks, be gentle with the disgorger and gentle when they're put back into the water.

I like coarse fishing and I'm a crack shot at maggot pinging with a catapult. I draw the line before maggots in the fridge.

BigBadVoodooHat · 24/10/2020 11:15

[quote whatsbinhappnin]@LockdownLump I really don't know what happened there Grin I quite like that spelling though,might start using it[/quote]
I thought it was intentional, for emphasis: 'Oh, I'm completely obsezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed!!!!!!!!' Grin

MyOtherProfile · 27/10/2020 08:50

Did you ever hear from him again OP?

CruCru · 27/10/2020 09:17

I think the OP has had a hard time on here.

It’s been such a weird, disjointed time (for months). If she’s been self isolating, I can totally see why this man’s messages have had more impact than they would have if everything was normal.

I remember analysing what a man I liked did / said / wrote for hours when I was in my early twenties. It isn’t all that unusual.

If things were normal I’d say things like “Go out with your friends! Mingle! Don’t get hung up on this one person!” But that isn’t really possible right now. Plus I’ll be surprised if the OP comes back.

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