To feel like the worst parent...

[ImAwfulWithUsernames]

I have a toddler (almost 2) and am newly pregnant to our second. I try to take toddler out to play, he doesn't understand that after 2 hours we have to go, so my hair gets ripped out and face clawed at. I cry, he cries, I have to pick him up when I shouldn't be lifting heavy things right now. I need to pop to the shops to get a few bits for dinner, tantrum ensues and wish I just asked his dad to pick it up on the way home from work.
So we stay home.. we're both bored beyond belief. What do I do with a toddler who won't draw, paint or play nicely ? The only games he understands are like hide and seek etc. I can't do this 9 hours a day.
How do I keep him entertained? Without stressing me and the baby out?
I worry he will grow up thinking "all mum did was sit on the sofa and watch me run around"... but I'm at a loss for what to do with him.

Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated. Feeling very deflated right now! Thank you

I just wrote a massive reply and my battery went but here is the gist

1. you are not a bad parent
2. he's normal at this age. Kids this age have the attention span of a newt (I assume newts have small attention spans!)
3. persevere with outings, don't stay in all the time just give warnings as you approach leaving time and step away if he lashes out. As he gets older you can use time out etc but he's probably too young.
4. he won't remember this time anyway so if you put the TV on for him now and then when you are exhausted he will be fine (my children have a similar gap and ds doesn't remember at all)

Here are some activities my kids loved at this age...

1. racing cars across the floor
2. chalking on the patio
3. getting pans and wooden spoons and making noise
4. sticking music on and dancing, maybe play a non competitive game of musical statues.
5. anything involving pretending the teddies are real such as doctors, restaurants, tea parties, schools where you line the teddies up and pretend to treat/feed/ teach them. This is a great one because he can continue on his own when you aren't there anymore.
6. baking
7. kims game (the memory one) with just three items. Hide one, can he find it?
8. simple 2 piece jigsaws
9. get a bag or basket and go outside and make a "collection"
10. instead of hide and seek why not hide an item and let him find it.

Sometime I coax to go home from outings with a white lie, things like "quick we have to go home to show daddy your collection while it's still fresh"(!!??).

" The place is closing now and if we don't leave the man might get cross".

" Your dinner is ready and we don't want it to get cold"

" Teddy is on the phone and says he wants you to come home and tell him what you had in your picnic"

Or some other nonsense!

It's a horrible age isn't it, called the terrible twos for a reason! And Of course you're not the worst parent! Everyone is struggling at the moment, you're doing just fine!

But, and I mean this nicely, crying when he is upset is not the best way to go. Children need a calming force when they've lost control of their emotions, they need to feel safe at their most vulnerable. You are his safe person and him watching you be upset is just going to make him scared. I know it's easier said than done but when he lashes out, don't indulge it, firmly say don't do that it's not nice, try not to get upset. If you remain calm, he will (eventually) start to be calm.

For activity ideas theres a book called the 5 minute mum with loads of information games suggestions it's brilliant I can highly recommend. It saved my own sanity in lockdown as I have a crap imagination when it comes to playing with kids!

And dancing to music
Play dough is good. You can make your own.
Football in the garden if you have one
Counting games with fruit or other household objects
Washing up at the sink. Standing on a chair. Never mind if it gets messy
Singing childrens songs
Playing in the bath
Anything really. I do all this with my grandson.

Firstly, CBeebies or kids YouTube (coco melon is good) were made for situations like these! And don’t feel guilty to use them !
Also,
-Baking - even chocolate crisp or cakes count 😉
-Magic painting books / aqua draw
-Do you have a garden ? Wrap him up in a waterproof suit and wellies and sit with a cup of tea while he plays / explores
-special boxes - I used to fill 7 shoebox sized boxes each Sunday for the week ahead and gave my ds 1 each day ot was filled with things like a little notebook and crayons, little pack of raisins / choc buttons, Pine cones, the little card boxes you can get from hobby craft in different shapes (he loved playing with those and colouring them), maybe a small little new toy, pieces of coloured felt, plastic cups and spoons, just anything different he could sit and play with and he loved them and I got to sit and just watch
X

*chocolate crispie cakes that should say

And Peppa Pig. Jumping up and down in muddy puddles...

Lots of simple little things can entertain a little one, except for putting a little one in front of a tv or other such things.. Small children can learn a lot of things in early life if you get them to do lots of simple things with you.

It's such a tough age!! My youngest is 21 months and I've just done 2 weeks isolation so I feel your pain!! In addition to the ideas others have given I'd say if you feel able and weather ok just get outside! Just get him a waterproof suit on and wellies and let him run about - if you've no garden just go to park.
You're certainly not a bad mum it's just a tough age with the added challenge of being pregnant. Xxx

You need to stay calm for a start. You crying will not be helping matters. And as for not lifting heavy things, that is a fallacy. You say you are newly pregnant which means that he hormone that causes your ligaments to soften isn’t even being produced yet so you can lift as normal.

Build towers out of bricks and knock them down. Build dens and obstacle courses. Get a mini trampoline fir him to jump on.

You just need to get out the house tbh - once in the morning and again late afternoon.

Give lots of warnings that you will be leaving. Don't just suddenly tell him to stop & drag him away.

Can you meet with a friend so he has someone else to play with & keep him entertained?

My DS never really played with children's toys. So I feel your pain. I think 5 mins was his limit for playing with something & he wouldn't watch TV.

Swimming would wear him out if you can face it.

No words of wisdom, but give yourself a break. If you need to have a few days of too much TV, have them. It won’t hurt him. The weather’s poo anyway.

Can you bribe with a snack to leave? I used to get DC to leave the playground or park by taking a snack for the way home.

Indoor slide or tunnel is great for letting off steam. You can get car track tape and make a huge car track on the carpet or floor which DC loves.

I lifted heavy objects (through necessity) all through my pregnancy, including carrying boxes of books up three flights of stairs when six months pregnant. I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid it but sometimes you have no choice especially with a toddler and there is a very small chance it will cause any harm.

We spent most of lock down washing toy animals in the bath. Also playing shops is a BIG favourite as is duplo. Do you have a garden? We just planted bulbs which wasted a good two hours and my daughter loves watering.

Have you tried going to the library? How about a climbing trees in woods or the park?

Does he go to nursery/play group ?
Mine needed other company than just mine at this age.

Bribe with a snack when leaving!
Also persevere with him playing independently for a few minutes. I Was given this advice when I was a new mum And so glad I did as they get used to it and easier with a new baby.

You’re not a bad mum. Two year olds are notorious for tantrums but you feel less able to deal with it emotionally because of hormones. Messy play is a godsend - get some kinetic sand or play doh or something similar and it will occupy him for hours!

In the meantime hang in there!! I found that when the baby come it was so much easier having a toddler and a baby than being pregnant with a toddler. The end is in sight x

Is there a reason you shouldn't lift heavy things? If the doctor has told you that, then of course don't pick him up but it's fine to lift things otherwise.

Give yourself a break! You're doing fine.

He won't remember much, if any of this once he's older so I wouldn't worry about that.

If you need to put him in front of kids TV for a bit then it's fine. If you let him blow off steam by running around the garden naked and throwing mud around then it's fine. If you sometimes bribe him with a chocolate to get him to go to the shops with you then it's fine. If you take him somewhere and he throws a tantrum then it's fine. If people stare then they have obviously forgotten what it's like to have a 2 year old, or they have known it in the first place. Doesn't matter.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your pregnant. He's two. It's tough.

Echoing another poster. You are not a bad parent. Two year olds are like that. I found that distracting them is the only way, e g help mummy find the blue packet of pasta/red car/lampposts etc anything to keep them focused on something before they tantrum. If it's too late and they're in the tantrum, I'd hug them and say, " I know you're tired, I'm sorry." It seemed the quickest way to get them out of it. However there will still be times when you have to pick them up and carry them home! You are a great mum, don't worry

Sounds like completely normal 2 year old behaviour! It’s hard work. Don’t stay indoors, it will only make you feel worse. Either take a snack or treat with you for when you want to leave, he’s a bit young for time warnings really. But you can keep telling him that you are going to go home in a minute, or one more slide and when are going home etc. Just so it’s not all of a sudden and he’s got time to come to terms with it! But at his age it’s probably not going to stop the tantrum. Just stay firm and say no, that’s not nice if he hits out at you.
Children won’t occupy themselves for long with any activity at home. So just got to try a few things in the day and it doesn’t hurt to have a bit of tv at points when you feel you need a break. Scribbling, painting, playing with cars, bricks. Mine used to love playing with magnets on the fridge, putting them on and taking them off. Just simple things.
And unless there are others problems with your pregnancy, there’s no reason you can’t pick up your toddler x

I have a two year old (and an older one so I’ve done this before) and it is a really challenging age! Still persevere with going out, I try to do a walk in the woods or park trip in the morning (pre covid there would also be toddler group or soft play - something active) and always time it so we’re going home for lunch. Like others have said, give loads of warnings for the transition time, but when it’s time to go personally I’m pretty non negotiable about it. I’m upbeat, positive, “let’s go home to see daddy and have lunch, ooh you’ve got some crisps for lunch” etc, but ultimately if he kicks off I say “I’m counting down from 5, and then I will carry you.” He knows that I will, so generally complies now, though I do still have to do the toddler surfboard manouver at times!!

I remember having to call my husband to rescue us both when my 3yo point blank refused to walk home from the shop and I was too pregnant (and with a bag of shopping) to carry her.

It's actually easier with a newborn imo. Try a high value snack like buttons to leave places.

Remember it's temporary, you won't be pregnant forever and the newborn won't be newborn forever.

My dd used to love dancing to quite powerful tracks Eg AC/DC. In poor weather, I’d let dd scoot inside for example. She is a very active child and had an indoor trampoline. We would set up inside soft play assault courses with the cushions and the trampoline and she’d do some free play and I could direct her to do things too.

At this age, it definitely is about running it out of them. The only way to get dd as a toddler to leave the park was to tell her it was tired and needed a sleep.

You’ve had a lot of suggestions, some others sensory play like “washing up” - at the sink on a sturdy chair if your ds is old enough. Have a look at these sensory play activities mommypoppins.com/kids/10-sensory-bin-ideas-for-toddlers

Toddlers are mini-dictators and love to feel important, so try 'Mummy needs you to find the car' or similar to get him to leave. Bribery is also good. Don't wait till he has got worked up to offer the bribe or distraction, because then it's too late. Offer it right at the start. Ideally, he doesn't even think about the fact you're going because you've switched his focus.