‘Told off’ by teacher for not using one way system

[Essex16]

So DD school has a one way system and 2 entrance gates. Our house is closest to the side gate which is directly opposite DD classroom. Under the one way system we are meant to walk past the classroom all the way round the front of the school through the main entrance and then round the school to end up back in the same spot and the drop DD off. DD has a physical disability and I believe it’s unnecessary to make her walk all the way round when we can just walk straight up instead. There is always the same teacher at the entrance of the side gate so I asked her and she said it was fine for us not to use the one way. Today, (the one day this other teacher is not guarding the gate 🤦🏻‍♀️) DD classroom teacher told me “you always go the wrong way!”. I explained that I had asked this teacher who said it was fine. Her response was “ooo special treatment” “we’ve been told to make sure everyone is going the correct way”. I said I would ask again after half term. The more I’ve thought about it the more it’s winding me up, I’m not sure if it was the special treatment comment or if I’m just being sensitive. AIBU?

If anything it's the 'Ooooh special treatment' comment you need to complain about. That's not an appropriate way to speak to parents and the teacher knows it.

Is your child's physical disability recognised by the school in other ways? If so you may find speaking to the Head would be the best option for official clearance in taking the shorter route.

If the Head says no then I'm afraid you are going to have to go the long way round.

This whole one way system for parents is pretty ridiculous considering pupils are breaking bubbles here there and everywhere and are the ones unmasked & most likely to be spreading the virus anyway but they've been told to do it so their hands are tied,

Claiming that reasonable adjustments for disabled people were 'special treatment' would have got me into pretty hot water at pretty much all the places I have ever worked at. And rightly so.

I would make very clear that not only does the situation need to be cleared up but the teacher's attitude needs some adjusting, for her sake and everybody else's.

Yes, good idea to clarify with office either tomorrow or at start of next half term. If you email and ask that everyone knows, it's all in writing and avoids confusion.

But I dont think there's any need to make a complaint about today's conversation. Quite simply, one teacher informally said you could ignore the 1-way system, but the information hasn't been conveyed to all. Sometimes this happens....people have a passing conversation and it remains as this. I do t think you can always assume everyone will know about every conversation that happens between 2 people in an informal way.
And the person you spoke to today simply didn't know. Perhaps you're someone who regularly doesn't like the way someone speaks to you or feels you are being discriminated against or objects to people's tone of speaking to you.....it's hard to tell from this, but from the thread it seems that the issue for you wasn't just about following the one way system but also about the person speaking to you. To be honest, the teachers words all sound quite light-hearted to me and not really something to cause offence.....but we know from MN that people take offence at pretty much everything, and there will always be someone advocating either a 'quiet word' about how they were spoken to or an official complaint.

Accept it for what it was. You'd spoken to someone about a special dispensation for your child. That worked fine for a while as that individual was always the teacher on duty. When someone else appeared today, it became clear that they didn't know what you'd agreed.

It's easily solved without any big drama. It wasn't a conspiracy against your child and it wasn't an attempt to make you feel small. The teacher today just didn't know. The easy solution is a quick word, with a request to let everyone know, or a quick email to the same effect.

The outcome of this is most likely to be that the school simply confirms the agreement you had with the teacher (assuming your child's needs warrant them not going the long way round) and let's all the staff know ....job done! Not a big deal. Of course there is a possibility that they then say that the one -way system needs to apply to all - but that is very unlikely if your child has difficulties which prevent them walking so far - if this is the reply, then you can have a further discussion.

This is such a simple issue and so easily resolved. It hasn't come about become of malice and there's nothing sinister to dwell on. Some simple communication is all that's needed to sort it out.

If the Head says no then I'm afraid you are going to have to go the long way round.

That may not be an option. I have an ambulatory disabled (now adult) child. Its not like chivvying a reluctant toddler to walk 'just a bit further', there's a limit and thats that.

There needs to be a proper discussion and a compromise reached. That may well be the child having to walk further if they can, or takinf the short route but leaving earlier/later to miss the crowds.

Wow I've only read the 1st page.. I was initially coming on to say yes one way systems are in place for a reason!
However this is mean, your poor dd.
That's not nice at all.

Sounds like rather a bitchy comment, imo. It would be good to get "official" approval for your daughter to come through the side gate. Not sure I'd bother saying more to her about it, but I'd definitely remember that this particular teacher has an attitude.

If the child has a significant need, then I'm sure the school will Fi d a way to accommodate it.
When there's a significant need, a quick passing word with a teacher isnt usually the way something like this is sorted out, especially when things like Covid one way systems are a big deal and part of a whole school Covid policy.
If they do have such a need, usually a school would pre-empt this and have spotted the issue and come up with a plan and made sure all those needing to know are informed, or a parent would spot this potential issue and raise it with the SENCO and a plan would be worked out.

I wonder (and I'm just wondering, not stating this is fact as I can't possibly know) if the school haven't put something in place or the parent hasn't raised it through the usual channels, but relied on a passing conversation with a friendly and sympathetic teacher, because they know that if the proper channels are unlikely to result in the outcome they want. Where there is a genuine and proven need, schools are usually really good at accommodating and finding ways to make it work. However, they also often get requests from parents which they feel are not warranted as a need isn't proven. Sometimes a parent wants some kind of special dispensation for their child's convenience or their own and the school doesn't agree it's needed....and it can ba source if conflict.

I just wonder if this is the case here. Op seems to feel really upset about the conversation today. If the child has a clearly accepted issue, this is all so easily resolved by quick communication with the office or SENCO and no need for offence being taken. However I wonder if the offence and upset is because Op knows that if she goes through these channels the school is likely to say the child should walk the route of everyone else.

I can't tell or pretend to know what this child's situation is or if they should be allowed special dispensation or not. Perhaps they should....in which case school will find a way to make it work. Proper procedures need putting in place to ensure it remind Covid safe for all and suitable for child's ability to walk. Or perhaps the child doesn't need this special dispensation and Op or the child just do t like walking a bit further. Both are possibilities.

Where there is a genuine issue, parents usually are happy to go the official route as they know this is what works best. They don't reply on a quick word.

Funny how lots of people see 'bitchy' comments in loads of conversations and so easily take offence. The teacher comment strikes me as light-hearted and probably said in the context of that particular parent and child.
It must be so tiring to be taking offence and dwelling on passing comment people make, rather than forgetting them within seconds or seeing malicious intent everywhere. But I know some people are like this and constantly on here 'feeling furious' or 'terribly offended' or wanting to make an official complaint about things most people would barely even notice. Life where there are so many potential 'enemies' or people to fall out with (usually silently, because often the upset is just dwelt on or put on social media rather than voiced to the 'offender') must be pretty miserable. It's a mindset isn't it!

@1forAll74 wrong thread!

Yanbu as your dd has a physical disability

I think it's disgusting of the teacher and can't believe nearly 50% think it's ok for a teacher to say 'oooh special treatment" when referring to an adjustment made for your disabled child. I would complain.

I am a teacher so not some kind of teacher basher generally but I can't believe they said this!!

ARe you absolutely sure that the “ooh special treatment” comment wasn’t meant in a conspiratorial jokey wink type way directed at your DD rather than you, to try and make her feel better at just being told you were both going the wrong way? That’s how I would maybe read it, depending on tone of course. It sounds like the teacher could then have been offering an explanation of why she’d Stopped you ie that they had all been told they must ask everyone to go the correct way.

It’s just possible that this is not actually a nasty and ignorant teacher, you know!

It's possible that if you have a child with a disability or are of any other minority group the passing/lighthearted comments people make start to add up and you'd get fed up of them

Does your daughters disabilty mean you cannot use the other way at all as in cannot walk that far etc
I would get it in writing from school but guess they will assess as appropriate as they could also get a complaint from another parent about someone going wrong way
So may have to accommodate by you going in slightly later so all others are in and therefore no passing

Thought I’d give an update as I usually hate when I don’t find out how something ‘ends’ iykwim

When collecting DD the head was in the playground so started to walk up to her to discuss...before I could open my mouth she was apologising about the confusion and said it’s absolutely fine that we go straight to the classroom. Apparently the teacher I had agreed it with is the assistant head (embarrassing that I didn’t realise ). I decided not to mention the classroom teachers comment and assume she meant well and just didn’t think before speaking

I'm a teacher and my child has special needs. Although I understand why she was 'told off' for going the wrong way the 'special treatment' comment and lack of apology after explaination would make my blood boil.

That sounds like a good resolution OP.

Hopefully someone will remind the assistant head to communicate with the relevant members of staff in future.

I think the only unreasonable thing about it all was the 'special treatment' comment from a professional that should know better, so would absolutely want to mention that to head.