‘Told off’ by teacher for not using one way system

[Essex16]

So DD school has a one way system and 2 entrance gates. Our house is closest to the side gate which is directly opposite DD classroom. Under the one way system we are meant to walk past the classroom all the way round the front of the school through the main entrance and then round the school to end up back in the same spot and the drop DD off. DD has a physical disability and I believe it’s unnecessary to make her walk all the way round when we can just walk straight up instead. There is always the same teacher at the entrance of the side gate so I asked her and she said it was fine for us not to use the one way. Today, (the one day this other teacher is not guarding the gate 🤦🏻‍♀️) DD classroom teacher told me “you always go the wrong way!”. I explained that I had asked this teacher who said it was fine. Her response was “ooo special treatment” “we’ve been told to make sure everyone is going the correct way”. I said I would ask again after half term. The more I’ve thought about it the more it’s winding me up, I’m not sure if it was the special treatment comment or if I’m just being sensitive. AIBU?

We've got a parent who has taken it upon themselves to don a high vis jacket and write down the names of those flouting the rules. Think yourself lucky @Essex16 - that you've not had your name marked down by The Parent Police. 😐

While the special treatment remark was rude if said in a sarcastic tone, that is what you are asking for. And you should have asked for it officially.

I think, providing you ensure that you drop DD off at a quiet time that you won’t be putting anyone at risk by not following the one way system, YANBU.

It’s discriminatory to say “ooooohhhh special treatment” to a child with a physical disability which would mean she struggles to walk the extra distance. Wtf is wrong with some people?!

I had similar from a teaching assistant when I was a teen needing cardiac surgery, constant eye rolling and “there’s always a special set of rules for NC84, isn’t there?” because I couldn’t do PE and was allowed to leave school at times or arrive late/leave early for hospital appointments (of which there were a lot). Some people just care about “the rules” and their own little power trip opportunities than they do for children with disabilities and illnesses. Pathetic.

I would write to the head and request clarification on what is a reasonable adjustment - do you need to be taking her 5 mins earlier etc? And yes, I would mention what the teacher said at the same time and make it clear you are not happy with the use of the phrase "special treatment". Maybe the teacher just forgot about your DD's disability and is now kicking herself for what she said. Maybe she's a nasty disablist twat. The head can speak to her and make a judgement about which it is.

If dd has a disability that makes it difficult for her to go all the way round, then of course YANBU.

Her teacher's quite shocking response ('special treatment') surprises me. Surely her classroom teacher would immediately understand that your dd would struggle?

Tbh if you need a reasonable adjustment then you need to clear it with the head/senco. Do that and there shouldn't be a problem

It seems the issue is you didn’t ensure it was a properly arranged thing just an ad hoc arrangement with that teacher. The school need to have it as part of their overall plan which means it needs to be authorised properly.

Ds goes in via a different route to others, I’m the only parent allowed on site BUT this was all properly discussed and communicated before school opened and is part of the overall risk assessment

Having worked in a school for many years i'm amazed that the teacher who originally told you it was ok didn't automatically communicate this to the rest of the staff and take it as an opportunity to check that no one else was struggling and change the policy properly
Same here.
It's people doing their own thing that causes a lot of the issues. It wouldn't take much to speak to SENCo and class teacher to have an agreed procedure for those students who need adjustments.

I would have said, "Yes, sometimes people with disabilities do require "special treatment" by way of reasonable accommodations, don't they?" accompanied with a MN headtilt.

If your daughter has a disability then she should get special treatment. Sadly too many people don't understand equality means providing assistance to level the playing field, not treating everyone the same. Your DD should be enabled to arrive at school in as minimal pain and fatigue as possible so she starts the day as an equal to her non disabled peers.

Two separate issues I think. Going against the flow I'd be reasonable and calm and rational and get that formalised.

"Ooh special treatment" wtaf how was she expecting you to respond? "Yeah! Yippee I'm so greatful my child struggles physically to save me a 5 min walk. We're so lucky"

Whether YABU or not hinges on whether this teacher knows that your DD has a disability.

If she says anything again then I would be tempted to say 'no, it's not special treatment, just a reasonable adaptation for her disability similar to those I am sure that you make for her every day in the classroom.'

I would also do as pp suggested and ring the office to make an official note of it with them.

Depends if the teacher is aaare if DD's Duda omitted or not. Either way, if DD was there, I'd have said 'yes, special treatment for a special girl' if DD wasn't with me I'd have said 'No, reasonable adjustment for her disability'.

If she was DD's class teacher I'd make an appointment for this afternoon with the HT.

Keep going that way if it helps DD. Have your answer ready in case the first teacher isn't on the gate.

The special treatment comment is the issue. Is that the teachers attitude to all accessibility arrangements?

complain.

Perhaps see if your daughter can go in a little later or earlier than everyone. The one way system is to keep people safe so I can understand them wanting to keep it in place.

You should have responded
"No, not special treatment, it's a reasonable adjustment under the DDA to accommodate DDs disability".

I think it's hard for us to judge as we don't know the teacher and didn't hear their tone of voice. She might have just been tongue in cheek teasing in which case it's fine and you are maybe just a little sensitive. Of course if she was being nasty or sarcastic, then that is not on. How does your daughter get on with her? Is she usually good with any allowances your daughter requires? The reason I say that is because my daughter is dyspraxic and one of her best teachers is always teasing her about her clumsiness and her "special needs requirements", but it is done out of a genuine fondness and my daughter adores her and thinks it is funny. How did your daughter take the comment?

I think it also depends on the overall circumstances, which we also don't know. For me, it would depend on your daughter's disability and how hard it is for her to walk very far. Also, how many children were going via the one way system correctly at the time. If there were lots of children, then I think your daughter would need to wait until there were no other children using the one way system.

Why does her class teacher not know of her physical disability?

As for surprising that the teacher who said they could break the one way system not telling everyone else, it depends how big the school is. For my son's old primary there are 2 gates and they are manned by SLT. The school has over 700+ pupils including nursery. It would be easy to forget something. If I am manning a door to the cloakroom I have a notepad and pen because I need to make sure I am going to remember what parent said what and pass that message on because there are 3 classes and I only volunteer in 1 of them.

I would be really angry if any teacher never mind my child's classroom teacher (who knew them well) said the "ooh special treatmemt" comment.
I can only assume so many people have voted yabu because they missed the bit where you examined your dd has a physical disability.

I don't think the tone of voice matters either. Ots not acceptable to say "ooh special treatment" to a child with a disability!

I think special treatment if said is unwise, I would also get it written into care plan and risk ass that your child gets to do it the way previously allowed as it is a reasonable adjustment.

Oh and this is her class teacher, it is her business to know about OP's DD's disability so ignorance is no defence. She could have raised it so much better- 'I notice that you always go against the flow, why is that?' 'Oh yes, let me raise that with the staff team so that we can find a good solution.'

Unfortunately with dc with disabilities I have taught them to be assertive to ensure that their needs are met. Maybe discuss it subtly with your daughter to make sure she understands that it isn't special treatment but rather just meaning that she is no more disadvantaged than her peers.

Go sense of humour failure on this. I would say the school has made a reasonable adjustment. If she mentions it again don't treat it as a light hearted joke. Ask outright if she is, on behalf of school, withdrawing a reasonable adjustment.