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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Told off’ by teacher for not using one way system

93 replies

Essex16 · 22/10/2020 13:18

So DD school has a one way system and 2 entrance gates. Our house is closest to the side gate which is directly opposite DD classroom. Under the one way system we are meant to walk past the classroom all the way round the front of the school through the main entrance and then round the school to end up back in the same spot and the drop DD off. DD has a physical disability and I believe it’s unnecessary to make her walk all the way round when we can just walk straight up instead. There is always the same teacher at the entrance of the side gate so I asked her and she said it was fine for us not to use the one way. Today, (the one day this other teacher is not guarding the gate 🤦🏻‍♀️) DD classroom teacher told me “you always go the wrong way!”. I explained that I had asked this teacher who said it was fine. Her response was “ooo special treatment” “we’ve been told to make sure everyone is going the correct way”. I said I would ask again after half term. The more I’ve thought about it the more it’s winding me up, I’m not sure if it was the special treatment comment or if I’m just being sensitive. AIBU?

OP posts:
Frazzled13 · 22/10/2020 14:35

@Pipandmum

While the special treatment remark was rude if said in a sarcastic tone, that is what you are asking for. And you should have asked for it officially.
Maybe she should have asked for it officially, but people with disabilities requesting reasonable adjustments are not asking for “special treatment”. Blue badges are not “special treatment” for example.
LolaSmiles · 22/10/2020 14:36

OnTheBenchOfDoom
We are a secondary school of over a thousand with several entrance and our duty teams are around 20 people per duty.
Any decisions regarding specific students are communicated to all staff with updates.

If schools are putting people on duty and expecting staff to follow the risk assessment and covid measures them they should be communicating about any adjustments so everyone is on the same page.

MitziK · 22/10/2020 14:37

@Sunseed

Special treatment - or a reasonable adjustment to take into account the physical disability? Sounds like she'd make a similar comment about disabled parking spaces.
Special treatment - or the 5th parent to say 'Miss said we could use it' and the only one who was actually telling the truth in nine minutes?
Original poster
Essex16 · 22/10/2020 14:41

The teacher that made the comment is DD’s classroom teacher so knows very well about her disability.

I absolutely should have gotten this official in the first place, I didn’t think! DD has just started reception so I am a ‘new’ school mum, live and learn and all that, I’m going to write to the office and get it in place.

Now that I’ve calmed down though I think (hope) perhaps the teacher just didn’t think before she spoke and said the wrong thing. I might have a quite word with the teacher directly about her comment and then let it go

OP posts:
Friolero · 22/10/2020 14:42

YANBU - as your DD has a disability it’s perfectly reasonable for you to take this shorter route to make it easier for her.

My DC’s school has a one way system but it involves steps at the exit so I go back out via the way in as I have my other DS with me who’s in a wheelchair. The school were obviously fine with this as it’s a reasonable adjustment for a disability!

Original poster
Essex16 · 22/10/2020 14:44

Oh, also should mention the school have staggered start times and reception are last to go in. With DD being a slow walker most parents have left already and there’s usually max 2 parents on the way out when we’re coming in.

OP posts:
ParisOnWheels · 22/10/2020 14:45

@Petitmum

You should have responded "No, not special treatment, it's a reasonable adjustment under the DDA to accommodate DDs disability".
@Petitmum the DDA no longer exists, it (and various other discrimination related laws) were replaced by the Equality Act in 2010. It’s still a reasonable adjustment @Essex16 needs to ask for though.
HazeyJaneII · 22/10/2020 14:45

This would really piss me off too

It would annoy me that your child's needs haven't been considered in the first instance of planning the one way system.

We've had similar, where the children in the complex needs resource base have to go to a different entrance to be met, at a time where you have to walk against the tide of people leaving and past the long queue of parents looking pissed off that you are going past them - it feels like the children are an afterthought.

As for special treatment....No, it's reasonable adjustment.

PETRONELLAS · 22/10/2020 14:48

You need to email in explaining she can’t walk that far if it’s true.
Our school is awful and full of people not following the one way to the point where it’s affecting me. They are deliberately not following the rules and it’s rubbish. When you go the ‘wrong’ way are you able to be socially distant?

Duckswaddle · 22/10/2020 14:51

There’s a couple of teachers who are very rude at my kids primary school too. Parents are all reasonable about the system in place but things change on the hoof constantly and people get confused. Their attitude astounds me.

Original poster
Essex16 · 22/10/2020 14:51

@PETRONELLAS

You need to email in explaining she can’t walk that far if it’s true. Our school is awful and full of people not following the one way to the point where it’s affecting me. They are deliberately not following the rules and it’s rubbish. When you go the ‘wrong’ way are you able to be socially distant?
Yes, we are absolutely being socially distant (DD is under vulnerable category too).

Not saying that it doesn’t happen but I’ve never actually witnessed anyone else going the ‘wrong’ way apart from us

OP posts:
Zzz1234 · 22/10/2020 14:54

Are you taking dd to the door? When you go to collect\leave (no dd) do you take the short cut or go all the way around?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/10/2020 14:56

No it's not special treatment - although I can see why some people would perceive it like this... They need to get some knowledge...e...
E

combatbarbie · 22/10/2020 14:59

Surely that's a reasonable adjustment for her disability......

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/10/2020 14:59

Posted too soon
...

Its a legal resuiremebt under the Equality Act 2010...under reasonable adjustment

Given your child is doubly vulnerable... You could even ask for a brief time when you could walk hee throight4corridors which have been aired by opening all theur windows for 15.mins to decrease any chance of infection from carers /parents dropping their kids.

Ot would presumably only take a staff member a couple of mins to open windows /doors...

This is completely reasonable under the law

AdoreTheBeach · 22/10/2020 15:00

Truthfully, if your D.C. has a real disability, then going in later when others are not coming out the one way, should be classed as an adjustment. I’d suggest talking with her teacher.

Original poster
Essex16 · 22/10/2020 15:02

@Zzz1234

Are you taking dd to the door? When you go to collect\leave (no dd) do you take the short cut or go all the way around?
Yes, at our school you drop of at the external classroom door. When I leave I got out the same gate but then I’m going the right way
OP posts:
Di11y · 22/10/2020 15:02

Yep reasonable adjustment as others have said. At most id wear a mask. But carry on!

1forAll74 · 22/10/2020 15:02

I dare say that it's coming from a good place re your Mil, but I would feel the same as you, re getting a makeover with clothes etc. I could not be doing with stylists and the like anyway. If it was me, I would maybe say that a few pounds for my birthday would be nice, so that I could buy a few casual things to wear, and more in keeping to your lifestyle, and to replace your oldie stuff.

But having said that, I would prefer a gift of a few new garden shrubs more than anything else, !!

Piwlyfbicsly · 22/10/2020 15:05

You should have approved with the office/headteacher of how you won’t use the way others have to and explain why.
School staff could be in trouble for not reinforcing the rules and lots of other parents complain of how the school doesn’t take pandemic seriously. I understand your feelings but I also understand the school. I can imagine some other parents are trying to break the rule with no reason.

WombatChocolate · 22/10/2020 15:07

Oh move on!
All this in-depth assessing of the tone every comment through the day is made in, to decide if it was malicious or not, just sounds so exhausting.

Do what you said and check with the school office after half term.....and if it's okay, ask that everyone is informed. None of it is a big deal is it?

DominaShantotto · 22/10/2020 15:25

I'd put it in writing - not arsily but in fairly firm but polite terms just asking that it was communicated to all staff that you have this arrangement as part of a reasonable adjustment for your child's needs.

Generally the second it goes into writing it's a fuck of a load more likely to not be "forgotten". We've had to negotiate an exemption to the "no bags in school for the corona - just have the kids trailing all their belongings out dropping them all over the place" rule of ridiculousness this year - DD has really severe dyspraxia, so poor motor skills, poor coordination and the organisation of a particularly scatterbrained housebrick - plus a broken arm - so there was no way she'd ever leave the school without some form of leniency exercised towards her. Head huffed and puffed about it a bit (after we'd agreed with the class teacher it was fine) and then flounced off the second I mentioned the "reasonable adjustments' phrase.

KnobblyWand · 22/10/2020 15:31

I'd be putting a formal complaint in about the 'special treatment' comment. That's a pretty nasty thing to say, and discriminatory.

PumpkinetChocolat · 22/10/2020 15:53

You only have to look at "parking" around schools to realise that most parents believe they are special and normal rules don't apply to them. (most people believe that anyone if this forum is anything to go by...).
I bet half the class will just try to use the shortcut because they are in a rush, they have a buggy, because it's there!

Just write to the school and ask for confirmation and maybe some arrangements to ensure yours can officially be dropped either earlier or later - without being marked up late on the register obviously.

It's possible that one teacher was being nice, but no one else has been made aware of the arrangement?

Cheeseandwin5 · 22/10/2020 16:06

Sorry, I may have missed your answer but does your DD disability stop her from going the correct way? If so I would speak to the Head or senior teacher to be allowed to this allowance.
If on the other hand, your DD is fine to walk the extra distance and this is all about our own entitlement, then YABU and massively so.
Having a system which ppl flaunt just makes it harder for it to be kept enforced and will cause resentment.