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Original poster

Because I asked my partner to take my son out of the house this morning

60 replies

Giraffle · 22/10/2020 11:39

I’m really frustrated with my partner today. His days at work changed this week. He normally has Wednesdays and sundays off and I have Wednesday Saturday and Sunday off. This week his day off changed to Thursday instead of Wednesday so we didn’t ask grandparents to look after our son during work hours as my partner was home to look after him.

At the moment, I work from home in our kitchen and my partner is allowed to go to work.

Our son is 15 months old, and loves walking, outdoors, animals etc

Anyway so the whole week I suggested this morning they could go and do something as it’s not an opportunity he’d normally have just him and our son. I suggested a walk, the park, aquarium and lots of other things to get them out of the house so I could get some work done. I explained to him I’d find it really distracting with both of them home trying to work and get things done with my son playing, shouting, tantrums, etc all the usual things.

Come to this morning and I asked my partner again to take our son out, he moaned it was raining and stayed home (they could have gone to the aquarium.) So I started work, thinking he would at least stop him from doing the really distracting things like banging toys onto our kitchen door windows, but he couldn’t even do that. He was too distracted by his phone. I then suggested again maybe to take him to the park or go on a puddle walk (it haha stopped raining). He said why should he have to go out on his day off when he just a wants to relax... this made me extremely frustrated. I told him he was being selfish. It’s one day I needed him to get out of the house just for the morning so I could get some work done as in the afternoon our son naps so it’s easy to do work then. I work 9:30 to 4:30 and I just though he could managed to get out the house from 9:30 to 12 but apparently I’m selfish for wanting quiet when I work. Yet on my days off, I always take our son out to get some fresh air.

He still has a day off on Sunday aswell so it wasn’t his only day off this week.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting quiet when I work? Or for asking him to get out the house and have some fun for 3 hours?

Feeling really frustrated right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 22/10/2020 12:49

So to clarify, he said he would look after our son today. I fully respect we all need a break. His parents would’ve looked after our son today if he had said he needed a rest day.

The problem with our house is the downstairs is the kitchen/diners do living room we separated by french doors. It’s the only place in the house I can work as the dining table is big enough for all my equipment. I’ve been working from home since March and will be for the foreseeable sur to Covid. I don’t have a choice.

I wouldn’t have cared what they did together. At all. In fact when he said he was staying in I tried to deal with it as best I could but it’s very distracting having a toddler making lots of noise and playing (as he should). So I asked him to take him outside the house so I could just have the morning to get some work done.

My partner is an amazing dad, I would never say otherwise. He’s pretty 50/50 with everything it just seems today he doesn’t understand what I need to be able to work.

I’ve tried to explain to him to imagine if we were at his workplace, and my son was playing, shouting etc whilst he was trying to sell cars. I think that’s maybe made him understand why I was upset with him.

Thankfully it’s only one day! Covid really is putting a strain on everything!

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 22/10/2020 12:51

Laiste

It depends on the set-up tbh. If there’s a cramped bedroom and a spacious kitchen and it’s a nice day, I think expecting the other person to at least the house for a bit is fine. Otherwise maybe no, but he should be doing the childcare. No such thing as a ‘day off’ without prior arrangement when you have a toddler.

ohdearmymistake · 22/10/2020 12:56

''I'm sat in the kitchen working from home, it's my wife's day off and i've asked her to take our son out of the house for 2 and a half hours for a walk or whatever so i can work in peace.''

Would so many posters really be backing OP if it was this?

Yes I would, if a working parent needs some quite time to work then is it really that hard for the other parent to take the toddler out?

Rosebel · 22/10/2020 12:59

I agree that if it a man posting this people would respond differently. There have been loads of posts about men working downstairs and expecting his partner to keep the children quiet /out of the house and posters have been up in arms saying he needs to be more considerate or work elsewhere.
This is the same situation reversed.
Yes it would be nice if he took his son out but he doesn't have to. He should be watching him but keeping a 15 month old entertained isn't easy especially as your son knows you are there.

Laiste · 22/10/2020 13:07

flaviaritt

I do agree. I guess working from home isn't always just about one laptop and a few bits of paper which you can take anywhere.

I guess i'm just picturing me having a day off and DH asking me to take DD out all morning rather than 'relax'. Neither of us would see a day off as not looking after the kids, it doesn't sound as it OPs DH does either. He just doesn't want to go out to do it.

Personally I can parent quite well from the sofa and keep a little one quiet if needs be (It is an art form Grin) but DH can't and is more of an all or nothing parenter - he has to get right down and play on the carpet or go out with DC. Perhaps OPs DH is like this.

Thankfully it's just one day OP Flowers

HibiscusNell · 22/10/2020 13:08

His parents would’ve looked after our son today if he had said he needed a rest day

Blimey.

XEbonyrose1X · 22/10/2020 13:09

God he's selfish. Ofcourse he should have got on with something. He won't die if he gets wet. Puddle suits and drizzle walks are the best in my view. Not too hot. Nice and peaceful. He could have walked to the shop or anything for an hour.

Oysterbabe · 22/10/2020 13:13

So your poor son just gets to watch him relax?

GabsAlot · 22/10/2020 13:13

ah a rest day bless him

some men i dont know.....

corythatwas · 22/10/2020 13:15

It's not about gender: more that posters need to ascertain what working arrangements are possible before they pitch in. In the other thread, iirc it was already clear that there was an alternative working space. In this thread, it was just assumed.

Sometimes I think MN expects us all to live in mansions.

MathsFiend · 22/10/2020 13:20

There’s two issues.one is whether your DP is actively looking after your DS on his day off, or whether he is still deferring to you despite you working. If this is the case, then he is unreasonable.

The second issue is whether your house is the family home or a workplace. In my view, it is a family home and your DP is perfectly within his rights to stay in. Workplaces which have implemented home working due to COVID need to accept you will be working in your home where others reside, and that may mean disruption.

dontdisturbmenow · 22/10/2020 13:24

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/10/2020 13:31

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?

A flat surface big enough to hold everything you need to do your job?

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OvertiredandConfused · 22/10/2020 13:42

dontdisturbmenow I’m not sure about the OP, but, as a minimum, I need a backdrop with some visible branding for video calls that can be used for media interviews, somewhere to set up my computer, keyboard and mouse (not a laptop) and the ability to write notes.

Working from home is incredibly difficult for everybody, including household members of all ages. Sadly, it isn’t always portable

Breakupcharlie · 22/10/2020 13:50

If you can pick up your work/able to drive I’d just go to the local Starbucks and treat yourself a lovely large coffee, slice of cake and whatever you fancy for lunch.

It’s not only fathers that believe as long as a kid is clean, fed and not screaming that’s parenting even if that means sitting on the couch all day watching peppa pig with numerous packet of crisps/snacks.

WooMaWang · 22/10/2020 14:00

@dontdisturbmenow

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?
Even if you don’t need an actual desk, sitting on your bed working on a laptop is not good for either your back or your sleep hygiene.
Harrysmummy246 · 22/10/2020 14:07

Husband takes DS out on his day off if I'm tutoring from home and does bedtimes on the evenings I work.

But he still doesn't entirely get that I'm mum 24/7 and sometimes other things are too much

MikeUniformMike · 22/10/2020 14:08

@Laiste

''I'm sat in the kitchen working from home, it's my wife's day off and i've asked her to take our son out of the house for 2 and a half hours for a walk or whatever so i can work in peace.''

Would so many posters really be backing OP if it was this?

Laiste, one parent is minding a toddler and WFH and the other parent has a day off. Does it matter which parent is male and which is female?
Original poster
Giraffle · 22/10/2020 14:27

I have two monitors, laptop, keyboard, mouse plus notebook etc. So no I cannot work from my bed.

Whilst my work have accepted and been brilliant about the fact some disturbances are expected, I would like to be able to work without them, which is why we have childcare for the days I work and he works normally.

We live in a small terraced house we only have a living room and kitchen diner downstairs. There is no way of me avoiding it. I have to and want to work!

Luckily it’s just one day and my partner and I have had a chat and he understands now why I felt that way and felt he was being selfish. He did actually agree when I explained what it would be like if we were in his work space.

For the people bringing gender into it, we’re very 50:50 with everything we both work, clean, cook etc and I would have taken my son out of the house if roles were reversed

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 22/10/2020 14:34

I’m working from home today and dh took the dog out to give me peace! (Dc at school). Your dp is being unfair.

NoSleepInTheHeat · 22/10/2020 14:34

I wouldn't expect my DH to go out when it is raining and cold just because I was WFH.
I would also either work from my bedroom for the one day (even if less comfortable than downstairs) or work downstairs but accept there will be noise.

Original poster
Giraffle · 22/10/2020 14:45

@NoSleepInTheHeat We have free tickets for the aquarium and it isn’t cold where I am. My son lLOVES rainy walks. I don’t have the luxury of being able to work from my bed and I certainly find it difficult like most people to work with a large amount of noise going on. I tried to work with him on the house but it’s almost impossible to not be distracted by that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 22/10/2020 14:46

@m0therofdragons oh I feel your pain 😂 my pug is very needy so her plus toddler was a lot this morning 😂

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/10/2020 14:47

Bloody hell!

I have a home office so one part of my work is sorted. But another part requires occasional use of the dining table and the complete absence of the dog.

If DH is home on a cutting day he asks for a best time to take the dog out for a couple of hours, rain or shine!

I can manage without help but if DH is here he doesn't need to be asked/told!