Because I asked my partner to take my son out of the house this morning

[Giraffle]

I’m really frustrated with my partner today. His days at work changed this week. He normally has Wednesdays and sundays off and I have Wednesday Saturday and Sunday off. This week his day off changed to Thursday instead of Wednesday so we didn’t ask grandparents to look after our son during work hours as my partner was home to look after him.

At the moment, I work from home in our kitchen and my partner is allowed to go to work.

Our son is 15 months old, and loves walking, outdoors, animals etc

Anyway so the whole week I suggested this morning they could go and do something as it’s not an opportunity he’d normally have just him and our son. I suggested a walk, the park, aquarium and lots of other things to get them out of the house so I could get some work done. I explained to him I’d find it really distracting with both of them home trying to work and get things done with my son playing, shouting, tantrums, etc all the usual things.

Come to this morning and I asked my partner again to take our son out, he moaned it was raining and stayed home (they could have gone to the aquarium.) So I started work, thinking he would at least stop him from doing the really distracting things like banging toys onto our kitchen door windows, but he couldn’t even do that. He was too distracted by his phone. I then suggested again maybe to take him to the park or go on a puddle walk (it haha stopped raining). He said why should he have to go out on his day off when he just a wants to relax... this made me extremely frustrated. I told him he was being selfish. It’s one day I needed him to get out of the house just for the morning so I could get some work done as in the afternoon our son naps so it’s easy to do work then. I work 9:30 to 4:30 and I just though he could managed to get out the house from 9:30 to 12 but apparently I’m selfish for wanting quiet when I work. Yet on my days off, I always take our son out to get some fresh air.

He still has a day off on Sunday aswell so it wasn’t his only day off this week.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting quiet when I work? Or for asking him to get out the house and have some fun for 3 hours?

Feeling really frustrated right now.

[Bringmewineandcake]

Imagine it from the OP...

"It's my day off tomorrow, the weather is crap and I just want a day to myself. Would I be unreasonable to still send my son to his grandparents for the day?" There would be a resounding response of no not unreasonable at all, everyone needs a break sometimes!

Let's not be hypocritical.

[Biancadelrioisback]

OP has already explained that she cant just pick up her two monitors, keyboard etc and go to a cafe or upstairs, or anywhere in fact!
I have a similar set up as does DH. His is made even worse by having the world's oldest computer that needs to be plugged into the router which can only be downstairs.

I'm pleased you've sorted it out OP. You're right, lockdown stress!

[Scottishmum1984]

He sounds selfish and lazy to me!

[BrowncoatWaffles]

Are you on lots of calls for work? If not, take your laptop and your notes and head out to a cafe or somewhere where you can sit quietly alone at a socially distanced cafe.

[Annasgirl]

@GabsAlot

ah a rest day bless him

some men i dont know.....

[BloggersBlog]

It is a shame you had to point out the ruddy obvious to him, even having to give him an illustration to get the point across

But anyway, as long as you are happy and it is resolved that is good

[Giraffle]

@Cadent says we don’t have the space anywhere else but if he was made to WFH I would get out of his hair and get out the house. I think if it was long term and every week it would be reasonable for him to want to be in the house, but as it’s a one off as we normally have the same days off, I think it was unreasonable for him not to pop out. Thankfully it’s resolved now ☺️

[Cadent]

This is like the OP who posted about her husband taking up the dining room with 2 monitors and blocking the thoroughfare between living room and garden so toddler couldn’t run around.

Except it sounds like you don’t have space for 2 monitors upstairs and given you give him peace and quiet when he’s WFH, he needs to reciprocate and give you peace and quiet for a few hours!!

[Giraffle]

@CuriousaboutSamphire

This is exactly it! This is a one time thing because HIS work changed his day off this week. Meaning he had to swap. I just felt as it was only once it wasn’t unreasonable for me to ask for him to pop out and have fun for not even three hours!

Thankfully he’s realised now after me saying to him imagine me and our son being in his place of work whilst he’s trying to sell cars, it’s really difficult to work with distractions! He felt really bad and has gone out for this afternoon when my son woke up. I’m on a break for 30 mins now for my lunch but at lease he realised ☺️ He’s normally absolutely brilliant but I don’t think he quite understood the difficulty and frustration of trying to work with all the noise that comes with a very active toddler 😂

[S111n20]

LAZY him of course not you.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Bloody hell!

I have a home office so one part of my work is sorted. But another part requires occasional use of the dining table and the complete absence of the dog.

If DH is home on a cutting day he asks for a best time to take the dog out for a couple of hours, rain or shine!

I can manage without help but if DH is here he doesn't need to be asked/told!

[Giraffle]

@m0therofdragons oh I feel your pain 😂 my pug is very needy so her plus toddler was a lot this morning 😂

[Giraffle]

@NoSleepInTheHeat We have free tickets for the aquarium and it isn’t cold where I am. My son lLOVES rainy walks. I don’t have the luxury of being able to work from my bed and I certainly find it difficult like most people to work with a large amount of noise going on. I tried to work with him on the house but it’s almost impossible to not be distracted by that!

[NoSleepInTheHeat]

I wouldn't expect my DH to go out when it is raining and cold just because I was WFH.
I would also either work from my bedroom for the one day (even if less comfortable than downstairs) or work downstairs but accept there will be noise.

[m0therofdragons]

I’m working from home today and dh took the dog out to give me peace! (Dc at school). Your dp is being unfair.

[Giraffle]

I have two monitors, laptop, keyboard, mouse plus notebook etc. So no I cannot work from my bed.

Whilst my work have accepted and been brilliant about the fact some disturbances are expected, I would like to be able to work without them, which is why we have childcare for the days I work and he works normally.

We live in a small terraced house we only have a living room and kitchen diner downstairs. There is no way of me avoiding it. I have to and want to work!

Luckily it’s just one day and my partner and I have had a chat and he understands now why I felt that way and felt he was being selfish. He did actually agree when I explained what it would be like if we were in his work space.

For the people bringing gender into it, we’re very 50:50 with everything we both work, clean, cook etc and I would have taken my son out of the house if roles were reversed

[MikeUniformMike]

@Laiste

''I'm sat in the kitchen working from home, it's my wife's day off and i've asked her to take our son out of the house for 2 and a half hours for a walk or whatever so i can work in peace.''

Would so many posters really be backing OP if it was this?

Laiste, one parent is minding a toddler and WFH and the other parent has a day off. Does it matter which parent is male and which is female?

[Harrysmummy246]

Husband takes DS out on his day off if I'm tutoring from home and does bedtimes on the evenings I work.

But he still doesn't entirely get that I'm mum 24/7 and sometimes other things are too much

[WooMaWang]

@dontdisturbmenow

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?

Even if you don’t need an actual desk, sitting on your bed working on a laptop is not good for either your back or your sleep hygiene.

[Breakupcharlie]

If you can pick up your work/able to drive I’d just go to the local Starbucks and treat yourself a lovely large coffee, slice of cake and whatever you fancy for lunch.

It’s not only fathers that believe as long as a kid is clean, fed and not screaming that’s parenting even if that means sitting on the couch all day watching peppa pig with numerous packet of crisps/snacks.

[OvertiredandConfused]

dontdisturbmenow I’m not sure about the OP, but, as a minimum, I need a backdrop with some visible branding for video calls that can be used for media interviews, somewhere to set up my computer, keyboard and mouse (not a laptop) and the ability to write notes.

Working from home is incredibly difficult for everybody, including household members of all ages. Sadly, it isn’t always portable

[Feedingthebirds1]

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?

A flat surface big enough to hold everything you need to do your job?

[dontdisturbmenow]

What equipment do you need that requires a kitchen table and can't be done in a bedroom?

[MathsFiend]

There’s two issues.one is whether your DP is actively looking after your DS on his day off, or whether he is still deferring to you despite you working. If this is the case, then he is unreasonable.

The second issue is whether your house is the family home or a workplace. In my view, it is a family home and your DP is perfectly within his rights to stay in. Workplaces which have implemented home working due to COVID need to accept you will be working in your home where others reside, and that may mean disruption.