To feel a bit sad that my coworker finds me annoying

[peasantfolk]

I have recently started a new job, along with someone else that started on the same day as me. We're both doing the same job.

My coworker is very driven, organised and straight to the point (in a good way).

I come across as a bit dithery and blundering. So I can totally understand why I annoy her and see her point of view.

I know not everyone has to like me and that's fine. But still, it makes me a little bit sad. I think it's because I feel guilty that I'm an annoyance to her.

AIBU?

How do you know she finds you annoying?

Has she told you you are annoying?

Some people take longer to settle but then shine through.

The good thing is that you seem able to be honest with each other do you can communicate to agree on what changes can be made to improve. She must likely will have faults too and areas where things one more naturally to you.

Did your coworker tell you that she finds you annoying? If so, that's really insensitive. I'm one of those driven, no fuss, let's get on with it people. But I also recognise that workplaces need employees with lots of different strengths (a 'bit dithery' might mean that actually you think things through more carefully or that you are more considerate of the consequences of your actions than I am). I can understand why you might feel a bit sad but you should try to embrace your strong points, and try not to let her opinion worry you.

If you’re in a professional role you need to come across as professional, not dithery or blundering.

If you’re in a professional role you need to come across as professional, not dithery or blundering.

But that is a very subjective judgement. We can’t just go round telling our colleagues they’re ‘annoying’ because we think they’re a bit dithery.

I think you need to work on your self confidence - people start acting dithery when they are not feeling confident as you are doubting yourself. You were hired for a reason. I suspect this woman is making you feel dithery but it doesn’t have to be that way. Breathe deeply when you are feeling stressed - if you are stressed you breathe lightly and your brain does not get enough oxygen resulting in it not working properly hence the dithery behaviour. If you want to keep this job trust your instincts and go at your own pace.

How do you know? If she told you to your face, or even others behind your back, you can add 'bullying' to your list of her amazeballs attributes!

Driven people can be rude and domineering, it's how some of them stay on their straight line, get the job done. They just steamroller anything that gets in their way. It's one way of getting the job done, but it isn't the only way!

Don't let her undermine you. Don't assume that you dither and faff, maybe be acknowledge that you think things through before you act. Maybe you try various avenues for success rather than repeatedly drive your one way only working street.

Critique her more : Criticise yourself less

You were good enough to get hired. Do the bloody job! Enjoy

How do you know, if she has made it clear then she is the unprofessional one.

@Toilenstripes

If you’re in a professional role you need to come across as professional, not dithery or blundering.

I'm sure the op is very professional. But she's just started a new job so is learning the ropes

Has she said you are annoying or are you assuming?

Different people bring different things to the role and to a team.

We have some at work who are like your colleague, very 'direct' but trust me, not everyone likes that style of communication.

Some people will warm to you, some won't. It's hard to think that someone doesn't like you or finds you annoying but it's only one person. Plus it's early days, in a year's time you might both feel differently about one another.

I'm also interested how you know this! If she has said so, then that is completely out of order.

I always feel dithery in a new job. I’d never admit this at interview but it takes me a good six months to settle in & get into my stride !! I find workplaces usually give you about a week to settle in which doesn’t really do it for me
For me it’s a confidence issue so I need to take me own advice but have more confidence OP!

Is she ending up having to do more work, is that why she's not warming to you?

I work with someone who is lovely... But also dithery and bundering. People always come to me when they want/need something, rather then going to him as they know I'll get it done. So it feels like I do my own job and half of his too.

I try not to let any irritation show, but sometimes I do have to find myself biting my lip.

You are an adult.

If you feel you need to become more efficient and to the point in the work place, make an effort to be more efficient.

Being dithery and disorganised is not attractive or cute, it's unprofessional and annoying.

Are you really behind on your work load, or taking longer? If your colleague is just abrupt, it doesn't have to mean they are efficient?

If you’re in a professional role you need to come across as professional, not dithery or blundering.

I don't fully agree with this. My mum has a care manager (social worker) who is a bit dottery. However she is the best care manager my mum has had, in a long line of care managers. The rest have been 'professional' however devoid of common sense and humanity. This care manager however is empathetic, listens to my mothers needs and wishes and has built up an excellent rapport with the family. She is scatty but very warm and funny. Nothing wrong with different personalities shining through in the workplace as long as the job is getting done.

Not everyone is going to like you and you have to learn to be ok with that

Be less dithery and blundering then? It is pretty annoying to work with disorganized people.

Though how do you know she thinks you’re annoying? YABU for just pressuring so. Besides, as an adult it’s better you learn to like yourself rather than worrying what other people think of you

^‘just presuming so’ ffs autocorrect

I worked for the same company for over 30 years and I was a slow plodding sort of person who didn't always make decisions straight away, knowing that a bit of thought would probably save making a mistake in the long term.
One of the managers always called me lazy and seemed to absolutely love the dramatic people who made loads of noise about what they had done and how quickly they'd done it.
They made loads of mistakes and I can say in all honesty, I made none as far as I can remember.
I didn't care a jot as I knew that everything was ok with the work I'd done.
It was a critical role as well, so people could potentially die if jobs were done incorrectly.

I find lots of people at work annoying. And sure I annoy others. I think it's unreasonable to expect everyone to like you in a work environment.

What matters is how you work together professionally - so if personal dislike is affecting your working relationship, you need to raise it. Otherwise, just accept you'll never be best buddies :)

Well we're going to need a bit more info here. Has your colleague actually said anything, or are you just assuming?

And, aside from that, why not use it as an opportunity to see what you feel she does "better" than you, and try to model that, if you want to.

I agree with all the points above, but also everyone’s tolerance & mood seems really low at the moment. It might not be as personal as you think.