He said my "anger" was the problem ..aibu ?

[twinkletwin]

My mum passed away when I was 10 and my gran brought me up.
Before my mum died us 3 were so close.
Anyway then it was just me and gran,she was my best friend,I moved in with her when she developed Alzheimer's and was her full time carer.
I was seeing a man for around a year.
She broke both hips and ended up in hospital.
She had to go in a care home,she stopped recognising me and was wasting away.
I became depressed and I needed support.
My boyfriend didn't get it,he said it was "just my gran,she's old"
He would most days read my texts and ignore me then post on Facebook about meaningless crap.
I would snap and say "you can't even reply to a message"
"Why you being like this ?"
He would throw women in my face "she wouldn't behave like this and she's attractive,she text me last night etc "
My gran was dying and 7 weeks it took her to pass.
I was a total mess.
I needed support
He broke up with me saying he was sick of my "mood swings"
I didn't have "mood swings" I just wanted him not to ignore me when I needed him.
I explained everything I wrote here,how much I loved her,how I struggled to deal with knowing she was going to die and couldn't change it.
Watching her die,holding her hand whilst she was taking her last breaths.
I said "I'm sorry I'm a mess but I had to do it all alone,I had nobody to turn too"
He said .."not my problem,not putting up with you going moody on me for nothing,everyone has stress"
Aibu to think I'm not a bad person? I was just having a bad time ?

Sorry about your gran. Your reaction sounds normal, he's a dick.

You sound normal, he sounds vile. He's no loss.

Wow he sounds like an absolute dickhead. Even thinking about him is a waste of your time. I presume you have dumped this unpleasant man?

He sounds very immature and with the emotional range of a teaspoon.

You're a good person, he is beyond awful. Hope you don't have any contact with him anymore

Respect your emotions, OP, rather than how anybody else judges them. How you feel is who you are. Spend time with people who accept who you are. If you think you have an anger problem or any other kind of emotional problem, you take responsibility for sorting it out. But your decision is final. Nobody gets to tell you that you have an emotional issue when you don't think you do.

I'm so sorry about what you've been through with your gran. It sounds very hard. Those who love you will treat you delicately at this time, and understand that you will absolutely be out of sorts. Your reaction doesn't sound unusual at all to me.

How old are you both?

He doesn't have an emotional attachment to you. You are a convenient pastime/shag, but he doesn't care about you. He's dismissing perfectly normal feelings and you are buying into that, which will destroy your self esteem.

Whatever you had, has ended on his part, if it was ever there, he might have been faking it enough for it to last a year. He isn't long term relationship material.

I'm sorry about your gran

Your ex sounds like a complete dickhead. It really is not you, it's him.

Of course you’re not a bad person. On the other hand, this was a comparatively new relationship, and it’s not clear from your posts how serious or casual it was. In your shoes I would have been looking for support from my closest friends or family members, and not relying on a boyfriend (who sounds like a selfish pillock).

Sorry for the loss of your gran, OP. It’s very tough.

I’m sorry about the loss of your mum and gran.

This man is a waste of space and you should have chucked him once he showed how unsupportive he was, rather than waiting for him to dump you.

If he gets back in touch, do not reply or see him again! Put it down to experience, take some time to grieve and then try dating again. Don’t put up with bad treatment from anyone.

The problem was that you weren’t suited to each other, a man who wanted a long term relationship with you would have dealt with your stress over losing your grandmother. Maybe from his perspective you were angry a lot of the time, but being stressed in a stressful situation doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

He was an absolute cunt and completely without empathy.

You're better off without him and have had a lucky escape.

Sorry about your gran.

So sorry for your loss You are not a bad person and your reactions and feelings were/are totally normal.
A few months in to seeing a (now ex) b/f my Dad died. Although my b/f was pretty much self-absorbed, he was brilliant with me when I really needed him.
I can only presume your ex b/f had never lost someone he was close to?
Anyway, you're well rid, he sounds vile.

This bastard is completely self-centred and lacks a shred of empathy.

You know the phrase: “when someone tells you who they are, pay close attention the first time”?

Get this twat out of your life for good, he’s no use to you. It’s unlikely that he’s of any use to anyone, really. You’re worth so much more

Well he’s a horrible man isn’t he? Shame but what can you do except ditch him?

He wasn't enhancing your life in Abby way, was he? He doesn't seem to have got the memo about what boyfriends are for!

He was awful. That’s all that needs to be said about him and all the headspace he deserves. Sorry about your gran.

You are not a bad person.

He is a selfish idiot.

Give yourself time to grieve and when you are ready and if you want to you will meet someone more deserving of you. Forget him, bad experience, put him where he belongs in the past. No contact with him, why would you he isn't worth your valuable time.

Best wishes

Your ex was a bad person. After a while of being out of the relationship you will start to look back on things that happened and think "why on earth did I put up with that?". When later you are in a healthy relationship you will also probably go through a similar "what the fuck was I thinking?" process. If you were still with him everyone one would be telling him to leave. As it is, be kind to yourself, you are a nice normal person. He is an arse.
Sorry to hear about your gran

This guy was awful.
Your reactions were normal. And so were your expectations.

His behaviours though was.... unacceptable in any way or form.

He is a twat of the first order. There's nothing wrong with you. But you deserve much much better than that/him.

I’m so sorry about your gran. And him making the whole thing even harder.

Oh, and while of course actual excessive anger is a problem in men and women, be very very wary of men who say things like "your anger is a problem" or who suggest other women's anger is a problem. It is a MASSIVE red flag for abusive or shitty behaviour on their part.

He is not worth wasting a single seconds thought.

A partner who loves you supports when needed, and does so because they want to alleviate the pain you are suffering to try to make you feel a little better.

His lack of empathy for the awful time you were going through highlights his poor capacity for emotional intellect.

Wave goodbye to this emotionally impaired twat

He’s dreadful, raise your bar!

I’m sorry about your gran

He is disgusting. I'm closer to my nan than I am anyone else in the world and wouldn't give a second thought to being there as much as I could. A decent man would have offered you all the support you needed. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. It would be harder because she raised you and so is a mother figure and you were very close. So, no YANBU.

Your boyfriend is definitely BU and sounds very cold hearted. I hope you are still not with him. You deserved to have support.