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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not judge someone still living at home at 27

103 replies

Iftheclouds · 21/10/2020 23:10

A work colleague still lives at home at 27. Another work colleague said that he finds it very odd that someone of this woman’s age will still be at home. Aibu to no judge her for living at home.

OP posts:
Xenia · 22/10/2020 12:16

I have been tracking ancestors back to the 1700s. Most seemed to live with family most of their lives and if a spouse died when they were older they would often then move in with an adult children and their spouse and children (these are mostly in England, but a few in Scotland). That changed a bit even for those renting as we got into the 1900s eg my parents left home for university/college which was residential and did not really move back after and nor did my sibilings and I in the 1980s after we finished university. My parents lived in rented accommodation as they had 2 full time professional salaries and put off babies for ten years in order to buy a house.

amusedbush · 22/10/2020 12:37

My uncle is 58 and still lives with my granny. Apparently he has moved out a few times (never in my living memory - I'm 30) but always comes back. He is utterly atrocious with money, fritters it as soon as he gets it and even though he works full time, my granny still buys him fags at the end of the month because he's skint.

My brother and his fiancee are both 24 and have just moved back in with my parents after renting for a year. They want to buy a house and plan to stay there to save for two years. However, they both work full time, live in a cheap area (average price for a two bed house is £130k so hardly south east prices!) and my brother alone earns £35k so I think he just wants my mum to be his skivvy, to be honest.

louderthan1 · 22/10/2020 14:48

I'm currently living with my mum. I lived away from her from the age of 19 to 37 but relationship breakup and job loss meant I had no choice but to move back. I'm not going to be there forever but I'm glad I've been there to support her during lockdown. We're more housemates than anything else, I do my own shopping, cooking, washing etc, I pay bills and do most of the housework.
If anyone wants to judge me they can. I don't care for their opinion.

VettiyaIruken · 22/10/2020 14:53

It's just different times. When I was a young adult we rented, that was normal. Move your arse out of your parents house by 18-20 and rent a small flat or a bedsit.

Times have changed and now kids mostly want to live with their parents until they can buy a house.

If all affected are happy with it then fair enough.

QuestionableMouse · 22/10/2020 14:53

@CutToChase

It is weird. It suggests you prioritise comfort over life experiences which you are perfectly entitled to. It definitely points to a lack of balls and lust for life though IMO
Oh bore off.

Of course it doesn't. My best friend is 35 and still lives at home. Her mum is disabled and needs a lot of help and her dad can't cope alone. She has a very good job as an equine vet nurse and travelled a lot before her mum became disabled.

Don't be so horribly judgemental.

taraRoo · 22/10/2020 14:56

I wouldn't if they were actively trying to work towards moving out (saving a deposit or waiting for a council house or looking into shared ownership. I think it is a bit pathetic when you just stay at home and don't do that though. Staying in a suspended state of adolescence is not on.

I have quite a number of younger colleagues who live at home and just do it for a fantastic lifestyle with no rent or bills. I must earn double what they do but they are better off! The 23 year old receptionist bought herself a Chanel handbag before lockdown. Her mum still pays her phone bill and the only thing she has to pay is her travel expenses to work. I blame the parents. They should be charging rent.

userxx · 22/10/2020 15:06

It definitely points to a lack of balls and lust for life though

Does it ? My lust for life was severely impacted when I took on a mortgage, prior to that I was on exotic holidays and partying 4 times a week.

Now its all electricity bills and weeding the garden. Yawn.

strivingtosucceed · 22/10/2020 15:07

What's this obsession with moving out though? Of all my friends (26-30s) the only people who don't live at home are married or those that found jobs too far away.

Meanwhile I know some people through work who do live out, but still go back to their parents for top ups and bailouts. If you're going to be independent, you will be, regardless of where you live.

CorianderLord · 22/10/2020 16:01

I know loads of mates who live at home dependant on circs. I moved out for uni at 18 and then fully at 22. I have friends living at home at 32 because culturally they do until marriage. Also know lots of friends who stay home as a nice house that lets you save vs a £900 a month room in a share house is preferable.

Harly odd in 2020

thevassal · 22/10/2020 21:21

@CutToChase

It is weird. It suggests you prioritise comfort over life experiences which you are perfectly entitled to. It definitely points to a lack of balls and lust for life though IMO
not necessarily. I know a few people who are back living at home in their late twenties/early thirties because they spent most of their twenties travelling or living in various other countries, now back at home because they spent all their money on 'experiences,' and need to save for a deposit

So actually more of a lust for life and life experiences than some of us more boring contemporaries who have been working steadily and paying off our mortages in the last few years...

ThankHeavenForFuzzyDucks · 22/10/2020 21:54

@notacooldad

Seriously? You are asking if you are being unreasonable to judge someone home situation? Bizarre. Nothing odd or strange about it.

I'd think your colleague is a bit of a prat to be honest!

This.
Sarahsah4r4 · 22/10/2020 23:34

In the 1700s one had to move in with ones adult children if ones spouse died
but we've got the welfare state now!

HappeBee · 22/10/2020 23:43

My 47 year old single brother still lives with my parents. He contributes a little bit but really my mum still does his laundry.

What do you make of that?

Ylvamoon · 23/10/2020 07:03

We will be seeing a lot more adult children staying with their parents indefinitely.
Generally I don't mind, my DC have a room here should they need it. Better than a sun standard house share.

tttigress · 23/10/2020 07:07

I think your colleague gossiping about the other person behind their back is the one that is being unreasonable.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/10/2020 07:14

Nope, I wouldn't judge. It's hard to get on thw property ladder now, impossible for a single person on a low wage in an expensive area.

In many cultures it is the norm to live with your parents and care for them when they get to old age. Only in the west it seems to be frowned upon and apparently means you have no life experience and aren't independent. Why is it wrong to want a comfortable lifestyle over struggling to pay bills living on your own (provided all parties are happy). Bizarre views on here sometimes that we should all self flagellate in the name of independence.

I moved out at 17 as I didn't get on with my stepdad and was earning so little that I only had £20 a week after I'd paid the bills - that had to cover food, toiletries, clothing, entertainment. I couldn't afford to go out with friends and do the normal things that most people enjoy in their teens/20s. I'm happy to let my DS stay at home for as long as he wants, provided he pitches in with housework/cooking etc. I want him to enjoy his youth, not struggle like I did.

SimplyPizza · 24/10/2020 13:32

It’s just not very ambitious really, is it? Imagine a date that went well and then back home to mummy’s house! Talk about moodkill.

sunshinesupermum · 24/10/2020 13:36

My 35 year old DD still lives at home, pays her way, shops and cooks for herself and is saving like mad to get her own home. Her boyfriend (same age) has only just moved into his own rental home. It's far from unusual nowadays.

notacooldad · 25/10/2020 07:45

My cousin is 42 still lives her mum and dad.
She doesn't date so no awkward mood kill. She will never leave home. She doesn't want to, her parents are ok with it. It doesn't affect anyone in any way so 🤷‍♀️
I worked with a bloke who, at the time wax in his late 30's and still live with mum. He was very meek and mild. Also didn't date. His mum died, he inherited the house and had a huge change if personality near enough over night!

GoldfishParade · 25/10/2020 07:55

I just think it takes away a layer of self knowledge, staying living at home. I realise times have changed and people are going to be defensive over the choices they or their children have made. But I dont think you can deny that having that experience of leaving home at 18, doing halls, flatshares, own place, rubbing along with people and navigating life in part alone inevitably equips you with a sense of self reliance you're not going to get if you're still living in a safety net.

I'm not judging people who do, but we also have a massive rise in social anxiety now and I wonder if the two are linked

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 25/10/2020 07:59

My ds lives at home at 26 as he is saving for a house.

He did live in London. He got paid less than now and lost £800 a month in rent for a crap place.

What a load of crap about a lack of balls or lust for life. It’s about money.

vizlsapup · 25/10/2020 08:04

I moved back ages 30-35 to save for a deposit and buy my own place. Plenty do.

I agree, it is not harming anyone, also its special to have more time with parents as adults. I cherish the memories we made over that time, family parties, Sunday roasts, general chat, now they are 400 miles away.

bp300 · 25/10/2020 08:09

I would be more judgemental if someone was claiming housing benefits when their parents have a house big enough for them to move into for free.

bp300 · 25/10/2020 08:16

@taraRoo

I wouldn't if they were actively trying to work towards moving out (saving a deposit or waiting for a council house or looking into shared ownership. I think it is a bit pathetic when you just stay at home and don't do that though. Staying in a suspended state of adolescence is not on.

I have quite a number of younger colleagues who live at home and just do it for a fantastic lifestyle with no rent or bills. I must earn double what they do but they are better off! The 23 year old receptionist bought herself a Chanel handbag before lockdown. Her mum still pays her phone bill and the only thing she has to pay is her travel expenses to work. I blame the parents. They should be charging rent.

I don't see anything wrong with what they are doing at all. If they were spending £1000 a month on rent and bills that is money down the drain. A Chanel bag is a waste of money but less of a waste of money than rent as at least you have something to show for it. Ideally though they should be saving some of that money for a deposit but may as well enjoy themselves with the rest of the money.
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/10/2020 08:16

Perfectly reasonable given the cost of rent/mortgage, but only if they are making a reasonable contribution and saving what they can, not to mention doing their bit with household chores.

A whole different matter if they’re living rent free, doing sod all in the house, and spending all their money on clothes, going out, etc.
In that sort of case I’d be judging the daft parents who enabled it, more than the dc though.