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Original poster

To not judge someone still living at home at 27

103 replies

Iftheclouds · 21/10/2020 23:10

A work colleague still lives at home at 27. Another work colleague said that he finds it very odd that someone of this woman’s age will still be at home. Aibu to no judge her for living at home.

OP posts:
userxx · 22/10/2020 08:01

It's no one else's business, depending where you live it's bloody hard to buy a house as a single person and pay for all the running expenses, and it really isn't that exciting is it to be lumbered with a big old mortgage,

I can see why someone would happily stay living with parents and spend their money on holidays to Vegas and Ibiza!

HeadShouldersKnees · 22/10/2020 08:02

I didn't move out until I was 35. I was the last child left, I did a lot of the cooking and cleaning and it worked really well. I cared for my dad until he died and was then company for my mum until I moved out. Even now I stay one or two nights a week with my kids.
They looked after us for 18 odd years. It's time to repay them..

Dartsplayer · 22/10/2020 08:11

I lived at home til I was 33. I was single and spent my early 20s partying hard then in my late 20s I decided to save for a house and it took me that long to get a deposit together. I had a fantastic relationship with my parents (still do) and they were upset when I bought my first home. My dad couldn't get it into his head why I would want to move out to live on my own when everything was fine at home. I met my DH a couple of months after moving out

Poppingnostopping · 22/10/2020 08:49

I wouldn't judge someone living at home to save up a deposit, or leaving and coming back a few years later as a stopping off point.

I do judge parents who build their children mini-flats/convert outbuildings/make a cosy contained living space for them and then wonder why they are highly dependent and living at home in their 40's and haven't made the leap into their own families and own lifestyles! I know two families like this and whilst in their twenties it looked kind and supportive, especially for one child who had mental health issues, I think ultimately the children just become satellites of their parents lives. I've also noticed they don't move for jobs or have good careers- I think having enough money to get by and have quite a nice life on a really quite low salary does sometimes make things rather easy but ultimately not so life-fulfilling further down the line.

This may just be the families I know though. I know plenty who lived with parents for a short while, or a couple of years and then went off again. I will be spending that conversion money on supporting my children to live independently though, through deposits/contributions to living expenses, I actually don't want them living with me til early thirties or whatever.

Xenia · 22/10/2020 08:52

Of course not. My son lived at home until he was about 28. I did give a time limit as I thought he should leave when his brothers left for university (he was partly working for me when at home and drove them back from school , cooked for them etc every day so in a sense was here both as an adult child and as my au pair....) as he had bought a house he was letting out by then so he could move into it instead. He was pleased to go at that logical point when his brothers left and it has gone fine. I am not expecting his brothers to live here until they are 28 however.

My neighbour (who is married with now adult children) has lived with his parents his entire life except when at university (and he is in his 50s as I am) as that is their Indian culture in his family.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/10/2020 08:53

I’d rather mine lived here as young adults so they could get established in good work roles and save for their own home.

I don’t subscribe to the theory of making them leave once eighteen a they should pay for themselves. I’d want them to use that time of no responsibilities to get a stable home and savings behind them.

Hahaha88 · 22/10/2020 08:54

@SimplyPizza

It is a strange set up. I’d judge someone in that set up like the male colleague did tbh. I probably wouldn’t be friends with such a person as I’d feel they had no ambition. As for entering a relationship with them? That would be a NO!
God I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so judgemental, and I've lived on my own since I was 18!
Elbels · 22/10/2020 09:00

@CutToChase

It is weird. It suggests you prioritise comfort over life experiences which you are perfectly entitled to. It definitely points to a lack of balls and lust for life though IMO
That's also a bit of a weird perspective.

When I was living with my parents at 26 I'd been to university, lived abroad, travelled and had a large friendship group. It just happened that I was working in the town they lived in and it made no sense to rent my own place as they had plenty of room and were happy to have me.

Henners7 · 22/10/2020 09:08

I was reading an article about this recently. It is now becoming norm rather than the exception.
I'm 28 and I live at home. If I didn't I couldn't save for a deposit, and I have a good full time job.
I feel so sorry for people who don't have that option if they need it.
It's also very normal in other cultures. We seem to have an old fashioned view in the UK that if an adult lives with a parent it means they are somehow non independent.

EmpressSuiko · 22/10/2020 09:11

I’ve told both my children they can live with us for as long as they need, myself and my husband were never given the opportunity to stay at home and save up for a house so we’ve been stuck in the rental market for years, I want my children to have the opportunity to own a home even if that does mean they still live here in their 20s/30s.

MrsHSW · 22/10/2020 09:23

Really normal these days. She will be saving up for a deposit (it's almost impossible when renting!). I think buying your first home now at 27 would be considered ahead of the curve at least in the South East. It was seriously hard to get a mortgage or even find a house that we could afford, we both had good credit scores, 15% deposit saved, no debts or dependents.

Guy commenting on her situation is the weird one!

BashfulClam · 22/10/2020 09:27

My brother moved back home after his relationship broke downs. He is 43 but living with my mum is good , she is a widow and likes having someone around the house. He’s also been battling cancer and recently had a major operation so at least his isn’t by himself. It also means to him that he can send a major amount of maintenance to his ex. He also has a ton of savings for them for uni/college etc.

NeverAMillionMilesAway · 22/10/2020 09:28

I don't find it weird. It's probably not because they want to.
Either way, it's nothing to do with me.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 22/10/2020 09:29

I'm almost 30 and still live at home. Please don't judge.

I like to live at home, I pay my keep. But I like the company. I'm single and the idea of living on my home permanently gives me the creeps what if something happened????

Also I'm not on the best paid job so whilst I could just afford to move out, it would be a struggle.

CoalCraft · 22/10/2020 09:31

I'm 26. I'm lucky enough to have my own home, but a lot of my friends of similar ages live with parents for a variety of reasons, so i see nothing weird about it.

movingonup20 · 22/10/2020 09:36

I'm really hoping mine don't come home after university, they have never lived in this house or with dp so I think it's unlikely. Happy to help them buy a flat (fortunately)

RosieGirl27 · 22/10/2020 09:36

My fiancé’s brother still lives at home at 37, it’s weird and his mum wants nothing more than for him to move out.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/10/2020 09:57

I'm really hoping mine don't come home after university, they have never lived in this house or with dp so I think it's unlikely. Happy to help them buy a flat (fortunately)

Blimey that seems a bit harsh! That is still quite young and not many graduates go straight into fab jobs! Don't they come home for holidays?

strivingtosucceed · 22/10/2020 10:56

@SimplyPizza

It is a strange set up. I’d judge someone in that set up like the male colleague did tbh. I probably wouldn’t be friends with such a person as I’d feel they had no ambition. As for entering a relationship with them? That would be a NO!
LOL, you're so gross.
Sarahsah4r4 · 22/10/2020 11:00

@Vello

I in 4 people aged 25-34 live with their parents (1 in 5 women, 1 in 3 men).

It's not remotely odd.

it's a commonly occurring situation largely due to because our dysfunctional housing market but I believe it's far from Ideal, I think it can make it difficult to properly separate from your parents and feel like a fully fledged adult🤔
Sarahsah4r4 · 22/10/2020 11:05

The children just become satellites of their parents lives
Very well put, if you live with your parents they are always your overlords, in many ways its a selfish act on the part of the parents designed (albeit probably unconsciously) to prevent your children from ever fully transcending you

MrMeeseekscando · 22/10/2020 11:30

Lots of very judgemental views on here.
I left home at 18, bought a flat at 29.
At 41 I'm back home through relationship break up and financial difficulties as a result of the breakup.
Luckily my homeowner boyfriend isn't as shallow as some of you lot.

CounsellorTroi · 22/10/2020 11:48

@movingonup20

It used to be common to live with parents until marriage (this was younger) living by yourself or with friends is a relatively new
It was also not uncommon for young married couples to live with one of their parents until they could afford a place of their own.
Sarahsah4r4 · 22/10/2020 12:07

it was also not uncommon for young married couples to live with one of their parents until they could afford a place of their own
this is true and furthermore back in the stone age everyone would have lived together in a cave, if it was good enough for them it must be the natural thing to do and we should do it now!

FabbyChix · 22/10/2020 12:10

My son is 27 and if I had not have moved he would still be at home as he is doing a PHD and the funding has ceased. He went from Uni to the PHD living at UNI until three years ago when he moved home. He used the time at home to save 15k of his stippend, its hard to judge when you don't know the full circumstances.