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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU at the moment.......

58 replies

MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 19:39

DH is utterly miserable in his job at the moment. I'm not talking every day, "my job is rubbish" kind of miserable, I'm talking "Every day is an effort to get up and go to this god forsaken hell hole and work with these arseholes that have made start taking anti depressants, underpaid and under appreciated" type of miserable.

However..... In the current economic situation the job is considered safe.

He has had his CV on many a CV library in his field for many months. Yesterday he receives a call from a company. They want him. Tiny bit more money, but more commuting so he would be earning the same, maybe even slightly less....They called again today... They really want him.

However...... Is now the right time to be going for a new job?

I want him to be happy. I really really really do. I want him to come home with a smile on his face for the kids, rather than a huff and go straight to the kitchen for a cider.

We have a young family. If he leaves his safe job and gets made redundant in 6 months we would be well and truly screwed. But, I want him to be happy!!!!!!

AIBU - Stick with safe job and be thoroughly miserable for the next 6-12 months and see how covid/economy pans out.

YABU - Go for new job. Run the risk of being made redundant, but he may finally be happy for the 1st time in a year?

I've been going mad thinking this over. It's time for outside opinions!

Go!!!

OP posts:
Ferrari458 · 21/10/2020 19:42

Redundancy can happen at any time at the moment. He needs to be able to feel better about going to work. If they really want him maybe he could talk to them about the money. It's up to him, if he wants to take it then he should.

CatsAndEyeliner · 21/10/2020 19:43

What does he want?

pawsies · 21/10/2020 19:43

What sort of industry is it?
Would you consider it to be a relatively safe one?
Also take into account the fact companies can get rid of you within 2 years. Unless he hasn't worked for his current employer for 2 years either.

I'd be tempted to take the new job but it really depends on risk. No point in being miserable in his current role. Alternatively keep applying for other jobs that might be more suitable.

Mamamia456 · 21/10/2020 19:43

What industry is the other job in?

Asterion · 21/10/2020 19:44

Look into the company. Do lots of research. Why do you think he might be made redundant, when they are obviously hiring right now?

I say go for the job.

islockdownoveryet · 21/10/2020 19:46

Yes what does he want ?
You said he's very unhappy he's on anti depressants .
There is always some reason why you can't change job .
The job is making him ill
It's a no brainier to me take the new job .

FelicityBob · 21/10/2020 19:47

Why would he be made redundant?

NailsNeedDoing · 21/10/2020 19:48

What does he want to do?

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 19:49

Both in manufacturing. Large build materials etc. We've done some research on companies House but it appears to be split over 3 different companies which apparently isnt uncommon. Seems to be OK money in the accounts.

@CatsAndEyeliner

He desperately wants out, but is also thinking longer term. In April we were in the position to buy our first home, but covid hit. If he were to be made redundant we would struggle in mortgage terms, more because we are slightly older and need to get something sorted next year 🙄

OP posts:
wherestheotherone · 21/10/2020 19:50

Surely this is his decision?

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 19:50

@FelicityBob
Just thinking about current economic situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 19:52

@wherestheotherone

Absolutely, but it could have an impact on our family so as Husband and Wife we tend to sit down and weigh things up and discuss.

OP posts:
DeltaAlphaDelta · 21/10/2020 19:53

Am I your husband? Smile

I am in a very similar position at the moment and will most likely take the new job. My reasoning is that although currently secure, you never know what the future holds and who's to say my current place will be making people redundancy soon. I am sincerely hoping that the new job will have more variety than my current one, but I do have a couple of back up plans just in case. Fingers crossed for you all.

OnlyYellowRoses · 21/10/2020 19:54

I would say his mental health is more important and there's a risk of redundancy anywhere at the moment. Go for it

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 19:58

@DeltaAlphaDelta

😂
Wishing you all the very best for the future!! 😊

OP posts:
Rollingdragon · 21/10/2020 20:00

I'd say go for the new job. If he stays where he is and has a breakdown it would be worse than taking a risk on the new job. Do you work? How stable is your income?

PlanBea · 21/10/2020 20:01

Life is way too short to be stuck in a job that sucks the life out of you. Him being happier in work will balance out in how he is in the house/with the kids. It may be a longer commute but I bet he will have better quality time with the family rather than heading straight for a drink after getting home. He got headhunted for this new job so his skills/CV must have something good about it.

Unless there's a massive drip feed that he gets like this after a year in a job and is constantly swapping jobs then I'd go for it.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 20:02

@Rollingdragon

I'm just back part time after mat leave. I'm as secure as secure can be. Local government.

OP posts:
HollyCarrot · 21/10/2020 20:03

@OnlyYellowRoses

I would say his mental health is more important and there's a risk of redundancy anywhere at the moment. Go for it
THIS!!!! I suffer from mental health issues from a previous job and I'm still not back where I should be. Years later. A job should never come at the cost of mental health.
Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 20:04

@PlanBea

No, nothing like that! In current role for 11 years.

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 21/10/2020 20:07

I was in the same position, 20+ years, trapped by money and the good pension, safe job etc. Hated it to the point where it was making me ill. Struggled to get out of bed, head in my hands, dreading the thought of another day in the toxic environment.
Got made redundant, had a 9 months notice, left June this year and got another job within 6 weeks, during covid.
Tell him to leave, life's too short

SummerHouse · 21/10/2020 20:13

Go for it team Mrs

Who the heck knows where the time goes. Let's try and not spend it in misery.

Maybe, what if, but. You can all get lost.

Maybe you will be promoted to head of department and DH will become an at home dad.

Good luck and Flowers

RaspberryToupee · 21/10/2020 20:16

If his current job is considered ‘safe’, the new job realistically won’t be a million miles away from what he’s doing now given that the offer is presumably based on his CV not his interview technique. This might also be one that you defer to your husband as it’s his sector and he can see how things are.

I’m in a similar position to your husband. My job is about as safe as you can be at the moment. I’ve got an interview tomorrow, also for a longer commute Grin Looking at the other job, it’s equally as safe as my current job but DH did want me to think about how secure it is. There has been a couple of other jobs I’ve fancied but haven’t applied to as I didn’t perceive them as secure at the moment. The downside is that if it all really hits the fan, I won’t get a redundancy payment. I wouldn’t get a massive redundancy payment though and so from my point of view for 5 weeks wage, it’s not worth continuing to sacrifice my mental health. I would see if there’s scope for negotiation on the salary though, especially if they want him so badly. I would also caution him against just taking the job to get out of his current job, he should make sure he feels happy about the new job otherwise he could be jumping from the frying pan into the fryer.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 21/10/2020 20:18

@SummerHouse

😂😂 Thank you for both your advice and conviction in my abilities!!

And at DH's ability to be a SAHD!! 😂

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/10/2020 20:20

He can try and negotiate salary upwards, WFH one day per week or perhaps 3 long and 2 short days?