To call it day due to ex and stepchildren

[Isthisenough237]

So name change for this and please bare with me. Me and DH have been married 3 years together 5 both were split with ex’s before we met. I have 3 DS from previous marriage and he has 2 DC from previous marriage, we have no DC together. My DS go to ex EOW and we have his DC 50/50 (3 days one week and 4 the next- so 7 out of 14).
His ex is constantly causing issues turning up at house with sweets for her children, demanding we have them on her days, wanting us to do her school runs, wanting money for clothes (she claims all benefits for both children and we provide all clothing here, school, holidays etc). Even on her days we are bombarded with messages every single day despite them being 9 and 13.
Today the 9 year old (DS) has stated he doesn’t want to come here tomorrow as when playing in the garden last time my DS hit him. EX is now kicking off about my son being a thug etc! I tend to supervise the garden bar popping in for the toilet and the only things I am aware of was her son kneeing my son in the face- both my DS said was a pure accident on the trampoline and despite being the same age as my youngest he weighs about 4kg more so caused a large bruise to his face but wasn’t a big deal as accidents happen. The other was him weeing in the garden on purpose when I went to fill the dogs water bowl so he was sent in side as that’s not acceptable.
There is always some sort of problem or drama from DH ex and it’s so draining but now my children are being bought into it I am literally at the end of my line

So yes the ex is definitely being unreasonable, and yes its down to your DH to sort it out. There is no other way around this, all I can see is posters saying your DH is responsible and OP comes back and say yeah but no.

He has to draw the line in the sand, immediately after you've drawn yours.

I completely agreed DH should of set and stuck to boundaries along time ago- ex wouldn’t think of being a CF if she didn’t think she would get away with it! I have told him very clearly this is mainly his doing and how it’s broken me down and made me feel and either it changes immediately or I walk

And what was his response ?

OP,

Have you given any thought to YOUR stuck in such a stressful environment.

I really pity them.

Your husband could care less for them and THEIR mother is run ragged looking after other children.

I think you should be considering exactly what your children must be feeling having their mother so stressed all the time.

You are failing your children.

Apologies for being harsh, but hopefully it might help you put them and yourself ahead of two users.

Your children!

OP are you okay ?

Thank you @BlueThistles I am completely fine, will see if anything improves but it needs to be instant if not onwards and upwards focusing on my boys. I may love my husband but my children’s happiness and stability is my priority

I may love my husband but my children’s happiness and stability is my priority

I agree OP, and you're absolutely right.

@MsStillwell

No we share a house and so that’s not an option- I wouldn’t be willing to live apart as a married couple as that would clearly show it doesn’t work

I'm curious about your last sentence here.

An earlier poster seemed to have missed that OP was married, and instead thought OP was talking about a DP she didn't live with.

She sounds really difficult. Here’s the thing if your ex agrees to have them extra just because she’s making unreasonable requests, that’s fine but he can either look after them himself or sort out childcare. It’s not your job to pick up his slack. Obviously you take on a role when you become a step parent but their actual parents need to be shifting things around or losing personal time to care for their kids when needed. You don’t need to change your plans or be off to look after them, that isn’t your role at all. He needs to brave a proper talk with her if he doesn’t want to be doing those last minute school runs because of her laziness.