To call it day due to ex and stepchildren

[Isthisenough237]

So name change for this and please bare with me. Me and DH have been married 3 years together 5 both were split with ex’s before we met. I have 3 DS from previous marriage and he has 2 DC from previous marriage, we have no DC together. My DS go to ex EOW and we have his DC 50/50 (3 days one week and 4 the next- so 7 out of 14).
His ex is constantly causing issues turning up at house with sweets for her children, demanding we have them on her days, wanting us to do her school runs, wanting money for clothes (she claims all benefits for both children and we provide all clothing here, school, holidays etc). Even on her days we are bombarded with messages every single day despite them being 9 and 13.
Today the 9 year old (DS) has stated he doesn’t want to come here tomorrow as when playing in the garden last time my DS hit him. EX is now kicking off about my son being a thug etc! I tend to supervise the garden bar popping in for the toilet and the only things I am aware of was her son kneeing my son in the face- both my DS said was a pure accident on the trampoline and despite being the same age as my youngest he weighs about 4kg more so caused a large bruise to his face but wasn’t a big deal as accidents happen. The other was him weeing in the garden on purpose when I went to fill the dogs water bowl so he was sent in side as that’s not acceptable.
There is always some sort of problem or drama from DH ex and it’s so draining but now my children are being bought into it I am literally at the end of my line

I would kick him out, him and his kids. Problem solved. Let him look after his kids, you are not their babysitter....

Except in cases of emergency, why should she have them longer than has been agreed?

The exW isn't being asked to have them longer than was agreed, although some PPs have suggested it for the half term issue. However she regularly expects the OP and her DH to have them for much longer and far more often than the agreed times.

@lunar1 I totally agree....👏👏👏

The exW isn't being asked to have them longer than was agreed, although some PPs have suggested it for the half term issue. However she regularly expects the OP and her DH to have them for much longer and far more often than the agreed times

No. She expects her ex to have his children for longer and more often. So he needs to tackle that. Not expect the OP to pick up the slack.

That’s shocking! So 40% of the time she is child free, doesn’t work but can afford 3 holidays in a year and is quite happy to let you (a working mum) look after her kids during your annual leave! The woman is a piss taker and yes it does sound like she is trying to palm her own kids off (sadly).

She is still not your biggest problem though even with all of that piss taking, she isn't the one who should have loyalty to you.

No jenstar it's the other way around the op is free of her children 40% she is child free 60% of the time.

Sympathies OP, this sounds intolerable.

Why on earth would you allow yourself to be used and abused like this?

Unbelievable.

You would be better living in seperate houses and dating

She is very entitled and once texted DH 19 times in a day as I refused to have them on her day as she wanted to go to a theme park with her friends on a voucher code so had to be that day and didn’t understand I would of come off 2 12.5 hour night shifts with one more still to go so needed to be in bed all day hence why my own children wouldn’t be here, she then asked if my disabled mother would have them for her!
Yesterday she rang at 6.33am to ask if DH could do the school run for her as it’s raining and she didn’t want to get the bus. The build up of all of these things feels like I am breaking.

You’re right, this won’t change because he’s paralysed by the fear of the kids deciding not to come because of their mother

It won’t ever get any better

Your kids are being dragged into it and tbh, his ex sounds like a whole load of crappy baggage you could do well without

Did I read right you’re making plans to be elsewhere next week? Good for you.

H needs to move out and you deserve a better deal than this.

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You’ve got a dh problem, indeed. Cut and run

OP you're either very close to losing it, and calling it a day, or you are close to making yourself unwell. You need to assess this entire situation, and unfortunately that includes your marriage. I wish you well, and hope you find a solution, that gives you and your kids peace, particularly your youngest DS, he certainly needs that.

Jesus Christ, she sounds like an absolute tramp. Sorry but she does. So she doesn’t work yet only has her kids half the time? Yet the money she’s claiming for them is being spent on holidays without them, she’s taking the piss and he’s letting her. Flat out refuse and if he dares argue with you over it tell him to sort his ex out as you will not be treated this way by him her and their children and that’s that. Especially when you are expected to babysit! As if she expected YOUR MUM to.. like wtf?!? She sounds like a spoilt brat. He needs to put his foot down massively, and say I will not have my wife or stepchildren treated like
This and DS can come when he’s got over it. I can bet with her encouragement Itl be in no time as she’s not going to want him home with her is she!

Hope you are ok op it sounds like a very hard situation xx

Children lying in this manner is dangerous,especially if they are not being disciplined for it. Its a pattern that will get worse and will only end when they have accused someone of something really serious and done real lasting damage. Id run for the hills, fact your partner is allowing this behaviour is totally disrespectful toward you...how long before your own dc start to copy the behaviour..

Your DH needs to find a backbone and either take time off to PARENT HIS CHILD or say NO... none of this is YOUR ISSUE.

Oh my god his ex really can't be bothered parenting her own kids can she ! ? Booking a holiday when she knew they would be back meaning she didn't actually see them for 3 weeks ! But your DH is enabling all of this by not standing up to her and nothing is going to change unless he stops pandering to her demands.

What's the point continuing living with this man. He sounds like an idiot.

You are in control though of how much of this BS you tolerate. No one else, so leave if it's shit.

The thing is though that the ex-wife can only get away with things because your partner lets her and because you're the one expected to pick up the slack and provide childcare for HIS children. I think it is a great start that you have taken some days for yourself because he is taking you totally for granted and does not back you up. If you are expected to do his job to care for his kids, then you should be able to set the rules and discipline and deal with the kids how you see fit.

I could not be doing with any of this sh*t. I admire you for taking this on in the first place. I would never do it. However it’s not working for you anymore. Time to tell DH this and that if things aren’t sorted with his Ex, it’s over. Good luck.

Your DH needs to call ex & DS’s bluff. As it sounds like there is no way the ex will have the kids extra days anyway, I don’t think he’ll miss many days with his DS!

I would sit down with DH and agree ground rules going forward. For a start it’s up to you & DH how you discipline the DC when they are at your house.

If you do want to stay with your DH I would massively disengage from the childcare/ex situation and leave him to deal with it. Deflect any requests to babysit - you have plans. If he is complaining about ex, change the subject.
It is a time limited problem in the grand scale of things, his children will grow up and she will become largely irrelevant, so if you are in an otherwise happy marriage you might just be able to get through!

Or you could just leave.

Dh problem, all the way. He has zero boundaries with his ex. Is she more important than you in his life?