To think what my daughter's nan has said to her is inappropriate

[SingleWhiteFemale92]

Hi all. My daughter is nearly 6 and has no contact with her father, but does see his mum (he cut off contact with his mum also due to her choice to see my daughter). Overall we get on ok, although we are very different as people. She has a habit of not thinking before she speaks and today much daughter was playing with her brother and I overheard her say, "Do you know where my Daddy is? He ran off with his girlfriend". After questioning my daughter, it turns out that her nan had told her this at the weekend after she asked her where he is. Am I overreacting or is this a totally inappropriate thing to say to a nearly 6 year old? I don't feel she needs to know that he "ran off with his girlfriend". Should I address this with her?

YANBU - inappropriate

YANBU - inappropriate

I always knew that my dad left and went off with his new woman before I was two years old. Married her, had a child and then left her as well.

Stayed with wife number 3 until his death in 2007.

If it's true then I wouldn't be bothered, if you wanted to give your daughter a different version you maybe should have said up front. I don't think its worth falling out about, she probably just didn't know what to say and got caught out

I agree with @OoohTheStatsDontLie. Maybe not the best way of saying it but not worth falling out about.

Is it the truth? I agree, maybe she was caught on the hop.

It's inappropriate but isn't that what nan's are for? Most fans say inappropriate shit. My granny once told me (as a child) that if she had to use a biscuit as contraception, it'd be a digestive.

Hi. It is sort of the truth, he left when I was pregnant then met her just before I gave birth. But he didn't leave me for her.

If it is true, it is the best thing to say.

I do think she was put on the spot, I'll probably let it slide this time.

Well, kids need a narrative about what happened. At least she wasn't badmouthing you.

It's probably a bit kinder than 'He didn't give a toss about you or your mother, so he fucked off and shacked up with some other woman. Oh, and he was prepared to cut off contact with me because he didn't want you to have a Grandma, either'.

@MonkeySnake

I think if you have views about how much of the story she gets to know then it would have been good to anticipate questions - your dd must know that her Nan is her Dad's Mum? She is bound to ask things.

I don't think it is the worst answer. It doesn't have any adjectives in it (about him or his girlfriend) and at least it lets her know that he ran off with someone, rather than running off to avoid seeing her, iyswim.

Don't fall out about it. Maybe time to have a chat about what and how much and when you both say things to your dd,

Completely inappropriate

Don’t see anything wrong with it to be honest.
Hav YOU told your DD where her dad is? Why he’s chosen not to be in her life?

So he cut off his own mother because she wanted to stay in contact with the daughter he abandoned? Nice.

Given that she has given up her relationship with her son to have one with your child , I think I'd cut her some slack in this instance.

What would you rather she had said? Is there a good way to explain to a child that her father had put his girlfriend before whis daughter and his mum? Kids tend to be fine with the truth its lies and secrets that mess them up.

I don't think it is an appropriate answer for a DC of 6.
I'm not sure how I'd answer her questions I'd hope I'd have some tack.

What did you want her to say? She was truthful.

It probably wasn't said with any malice but I agree with you that it isn't an appropriate thing to say to a six year old.

Why is it inappropriate?

To be fair if it’s true I’d also let it go, but I think the issue here is maybe you didn’t tell her? She must have really wanted to know where her dad is hence why she asked her gran. That’s the fundamental issue.

Sit her down and explain that her dad and you didn’t form a relationship and were not together when she was born, he is now in a different relationship but it’s nothing to do with the two of you. Tell her how much she’s loved. I think you’re into damage limitation now but need to be more open with her as she wishes to know.