To think OH should take DS to nursery??

[ihate2020]

I wake up at 5 for work and I'm home for 11:30 I have an hours commute in total by time I'm home I'm knackered. Everyday I get back DS is still in pyjamas I have to get him dresssed and take him.

All I ask is when I get back from work I can have a little lie down and OH takes DS AIBU? Or at least a few days a week.

Does he work? What time do you have to leave for DS to get to nursery on time?

Not enough details. Presume you mean 5am to 11:30am? With an hour's commute you must only work 4 hour shifts? Does your OH go to work once you get back, how many hours does he work? What you are portraying it sounds like your OH is being unreasonable but for all we know he could be doing much longer night shifts, and I don't think a little lie down is needed if you've only done a 4 hour shift.

I assume this is a night shift? You get up at 5pm? It is it a short shift?

Yanbu to expect dh to sort ds out (getting him fed, dressed and play with him) while you are out.

Yanbu to expect to share school drop offs/collects.

Yabu to complain about your working hours/commute as they are minimal - are you going to drop feed that you have disabilities etc?

What does dh do for work?

Um, yes, YABU, most people aren’t knackered to the point they have to have an immediate lie down as soon as they get home when working part time hours.

I think DS should be dressed by 11:30am and if you are both around I don’t see why it should be you taking him to nursery every time.

But I don’t know why you need a lie down after a very short working day. I got up at 5am for most of my working life and there is no way I could have gone for a nap at 11:30am in the middle of the working day.

So you work something like 6:30-10:30am?

Does OH not work?

So much detail missing to be able to comment with any kind of accuracy

I don't think it would be unreasonable to expect your partner to have dressed DS by 11:30. Presumably they are both up way before that? What time does DS nursery start? If he is booked in from 9-5, I would expect OP to take him before you got home. If it is afternoons only, say from 12 or 1, I would probably share it with him and do half each. Unless OP doesn't work at all, in which case I would agree it is his job.

What time does nursery open?

Does DH work? If you work 4 hours and he works 8 hours (for example) then it's a bit ridiculous that you think he should do additional childcare because you're too exhausted. What do you do whilst DS is at nursery if you're not working? Why are you so tired?

Hmmm, I don't think many people get a little lie down after work.

I finish work, go from my garden office into the house and start preparing dinner.

You need to tell us more.

I don't get a lie down until I go to bed at night.

With the info given you sound lazy - sorry. Many people are up before 5am and work FULL days without needing a nap. Awaiting your inevitable drip feed as to how hard done by you are.

Some people on this thread have missed their naps! A child who goes to nursery has a certain pattern to their days. OP's work doesn't fit this pattern. It is clearly not U to expect a partner whose days do fit into the child's pattern to wash, dress them and take them to nursery.

The OP's own reasons for wanting this to happen (a nap when they get home) are irrelevant. Why on earth would you leave a small child in jammies till lunch time? Presumably they're also missing half their session at nursery? I know who the lazy one is, and it's not the OP.

Do you have a medical condition that makes you tired after working four hours? If so I can understand your frustrations.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

Some people on this thread have missed their naps! A child who goes to nursery has a certain pattern to their days. OP's work doesn't fit this pattern. It is clearly not U to expect a partner whose days do fit into the child's pattern to wash, dress them and take them to nursery.

The OP's own reasons for wanting this to happen (a nap when they get home) are irrelevant. Why on earth would you leave a small child in jammies till lunch time? Presumably they're also missing half their session at nursery? I know who the lazy one is, and it's not the OP.

You're making a lot of assumptions. There's nothing to say the child is missing nursery, maybe they're only in for the afternoon session? Maybe DH is WFH full time whilst OP works HALF those hours and needs a lie down. Why doesn't OP get him dressed before she goes to work?

You've literally invented, in your own head, what DH's work pattern is and what hours the child is in nursery!

What’s the situation at home?

I'm up with DD in the night constantly so by time I get to work I'm tired. I do 16 hours a week and OH isn't working at the moment.

I'm not lazy I'm just tired and I think once I get home he should just take DS so I can have something to eat and get changed.

DS starts nursery at 12:00

and OH isn't working at the moment.

Info for the first post, OP. Obviously he should be doing it.

Why doesn't OP get him dressed before she goes to work?

Did you miss that she’s out of the house before 6am?

With your additional information, of course he should be doing it. He should also be getting up with your DD in the night on the logic of many fathers since you're the one with the job.

He's not working so yes he should have the child dressed.

However you needing to 'have a little lie down' is more concerning. If he's not working then he should be getting up in the night.

I'm up at 5am and not home until 9pm. A little lie down in the afternoon would be lovely 😊

YANBU, based on info given in second and third posts. I doubt you'd have gotten a negative response had you said DH wasn't working and you're up in the night too.

why are you up in the night with him and then have to take him to nursery

does your dp refuse