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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anyone use an 'I can't wait' card

76 replies

icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 19:14

I have an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in lots of horrible symptoms but one of the worst is urgently needing the toilet. This has caused be a lot of problems going out especially during covid when access to lots of public toilets have been limited. It's really beginning to take over my life.
I'm considering ordering an 'I can't wait' card but I don't fully understand them. Do you need to have a physical problem to have one? And what extra access do they give you? Is it just that shop owners and people like that are more likely to let you use a private loo if you have a card to show you have a medical issue? Has anyone shown a card and still been refused access? Basically is it worth having one?

OP posts:

TurkeyTrot · 18/10/2020 19:19

My Dad has one which he was given after he had bladder cancer. He uses it in places like hotels or restaurants (when not eating there). I think places are obliged to help.....presumably the person in need is at high risk of making a mess of their floor if they say no.
He was also given a disabled access key.

cologne4711 · 18/10/2020 19:21

I've never heard of one, but any business refuses you access to their customer loo without good cause is an arse.

I realise there are insurance issues with staff loos but I hate businesses who are precious about their customer loos demanding payment etc and put vulnerable people in awkward situations when they could just say yes.

Soubriquet · 18/10/2020 19:23

Most places with public toilets would let you go if you really can’t wait even if it’s a customer only toilet

Staff toilets are another thing. They won’t allow you out back to use a staff toilet purely because you wouldn’t be covered by their insurance

decoraters · 18/10/2020 19:26

I don't see much point in a card in circumstances where people can communicate vocally. You won't get to access any toilet with a card that you cannot access without.

ExclamationPerfume · 18/10/2020 19:26

I have Crohn's. I've found the card a bit of a waste of time. A lot of shops won't let you use the toilets as they are staff only. Pubs are usually fine with it. It's terrible going anywhere at any moment as most public toilets are shut.

LoveFall · 18/10/2020 19:28

I have a card, but to be honest I have never used it. I think I am too shy and embarrassed. I have ulcerative colitis. I have always managed to wait in a line, albeit in a lot of discomfort sometimes. My worst problems have occurred when there was an unavailability of public facilities. Once or twice I have literally begged a shop owner to let me use the toilet.

Kind of makes you want to stay home!

Original poster

icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 19:29

The problem is a lot of places are restricting access at the moment due to covid. For example my kids want to go pumpkin picking in half term like the rest of the world and the site we usually go to has a small tea room/soft play that includes loos. But that bit is all closed this year so I'm scared to go and get caught short in the pumpkin field if the toilets aren't accessible. I'm getting sick of having to plan my life around where the nearest toilet is.
I understand not being able to use staff loos. But i suppose if it only gives you access to a customer toilet there's not much point as I would always buy a drink if I had to go in a pub anyway.

OP posts:

StillMedusa · 18/10/2020 19:30

My DS2 has one.. he has Ulcerative Colitis and also autism, so he wouldn't ask by himself. We have only used it once, in London and the staff were great. Generally though I don't think it makes much difference!

Nottherealslimshady · 18/10/2020 19:32

A shop should never let you use their staff toilet so I dont see how it would help with that tbh, either theres a customer toilet or theres not. I think finding a way to easily describe your situation would help you better. I dont think I'd make a special exception for someone just flashing a card at me

CatsAndEyeliner · 18/10/2020 19:34

I have one and find it really helpful.

I feel a lot better about asking to use the loo in a random place, or jumping the queue, or using a disabled toilet when I can flash a card to show people why. It feels like a security blanket.

I did show it in a shop once and they didn’t let me use the staff loo (totally fine, I understand) but they did very sympathetically and very quickly tell me where to find the nearest loo that I could use.

Treeballarae · 18/10/2020 19:34

I have one, have had it 15 or so years but I've never had to use it, but it provides me with a bit of peace of mind, knowing it is there in my purse. I know someone who used theirs to ask for access to the staff toilet in a supermarket (years ago, before supermarket public toilets were a thing) and they were still refused access, so it is more of a "please can I use your loo, there is a good reason" card, to help you discreetly explain about your condition without having to say out loud what is wrong, but you are still at the mercy of the person you are asking.

I would also recommend getting a Radar key, which will give you access to toilets that have a Radar key lock on them without having to find someone to open the toilet first. They are often sold along with Can't Wait cards.

vanillandhoney · 18/10/2020 19:36

Lots of places won't allow you to use staff toilets for insurance purposes, as it can give you access to un-sold stock and private areas like the cash offices.

A card won't really make a difference in those situations, sadly. I used to work in a shop that only had a staff toilet and we had to turn customers away all the time.

ShalomToYouJackie · 18/10/2020 19:37

DP has one and it's really helpful. He recently went into a restaurant and asked to use their loo and they said no but when he showed he had a card they let him in.

SpeedofaSloth · 18/10/2020 19:39

DS has one for school (issued by school), he prefers not to use it but is reassured by having it if he needed to, IYSWIM. He has IBS.

flaviaritt · 18/10/2020 19:39

I’d definitely let someone ahead of me if they showed me this card, as long as they were polite about it.

LoveFall · 18/10/2020 19:39

Some places in the US have laws requiring shops etc to allow people with disabilities such as IBD to use the staff bathrooms. I understand the reluctance and the cleaning issues, but it can and has been much worse if access is denied. Humiliating accidents have been the impetus for the laws.

I am in Canada and we don't have any laws. I visit the UK fairly frequently (not this year, sadly) and I have found disability access better than at home.

Livelovebehappy · 18/10/2020 19:51

I can’t see places which have only staff loos letting people use them, card or not. Most staff loos are in places where staff can also leave their personal belongings, and it would be unfair to allow random people to wander around staff areas. Security etc.

gamerchick · 18/10/2020 19:58

I have gut issues and can take many craps a day. Sometimes I get no warning.

I take 2 imodium every night without fail and 2 again in the morning If I have to go out. It doesn't stop me crapping but it stops the urgency and gives more control.

That might help you more then worrying about finding a toilet.

wildthingsinthenight · 18/10/2020 20:05

I have used one on lots of occasions for UC and they do work. I'd get one

Lemononachair · 18/10/2020 20:05

I have one, haven't had to use it yet but it's a nice reassuring backup to have in case I do need to ask.

I know that many places won't let you use staff toilets willingly but I will still ask if I'm desperate and have done. So far every time I've been allowed and that was before the card so I think it might help those who are more reluctant.

I do completely get why the staff wouldn't want/aren't allowed to let you use staff toilets but sometimes I get no warning at all and the urgency is so strong, there have been times I just can't hold it. One time in the middle of a shop. It was humiliating and I think the staff would prefer to let me use the loo than have to clean up after me.

kathrynjanewaykicksass · 18/10/2020 20:05

I have exactly the same thing...it's awful x

uglyface · 18/10/2020 20:07

I didn’t know you could get these on the basis of IBS. I suffer horrendously, and have been caught short on a number of occasions. Since being caught in the middle of Pride festival one summer and nearly shitting myself I have resigned myself to taking three preemptive Immodiums before a day out, which I’m aware is not good for you. I may see about getting one now, thanks everyone.

2020hasbeenbloodyawful · 18/10/2020 20:08

Can you call ahead to the Pumpkin Patch, I'm sure if you explain they'll bee more than happy to help or you can find somewhere new? Whereabouts are you based, OP? There's some brilliant ones in the North West with facilities close by.

UnaCorda · 18/10/2020 20:08

I've thought about getting one, and/or a Radar key.

Doesn't really help in situations where, for example one cubicle is engaged and the other is out of order. Fucking IBS.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 18/10/2020 20:10

This is a bit of a very strange idea but you could get a chemical toilet and a pop up privacy tent (the kind you'd have for camping) and keep them in the boot for absolute emergencies?

I always take our to the beach.

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