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Original poster

Does anyone use an 'I can't wait' card

76 replies

icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 19:14

I have an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in lots of horrible symptoms but one of the worst is urgently needing the toilet. This has caused be a lot of problems going out especially during covid when access to lots of public toilets have been limited. It's really beginning to take over my life.
I'm considering ordering an 'I can't wait' card but I don't fully understand them. Do you need to have a physical problem to have one? And what extra access do they give you? Is it just that shop owners and people like that are more likely to let you use a private loo if you have a card to show you have a medical issue? Has anyone shown a card and still been refused access? Basically is it worth having one?

OP posts:
decoraters · 18/10/2020 20:10

I didn’t know you could get these on the basis of IBS.

Anybody can get one. I think this is why I don't really rate them as being any use. A bit like the disabled persons card I saw advertised on Facebook. Proves nothing to anyone. If posters are finding them helpful that's great, but realistically they are not worth the card they are printed n.

Camparispritzandcrisps · 18/10/2020 20:12

I have one for a chronic bladder condition - I'm glad I have it. I've not really had to use it over Covid lockdown (too paranoid to go too far from my own toilet!) but when I have used it previously, both individuals and businesses have been really helpful in making sure I can access a loo. However, as PP have said, it's more a tool to discreetly explaining my condition and getting help, rather than a golden ticket to access any and all toilets without question.

I got mine through a charity for my condition, with the support of my consultant. Might be worth asking your medical team so they can help?

UnaCorda · 18/10/2020 20:13

@flaviaritt

I’d definitely let someone ahead of me if they showed me this card, as long as they were polite about it.
They may not be in a fit state to be overly concerned with politeness...
PriceEmUp · 18/10/2020 20:15

If it’s anxiety that makes you have the urge I can almost guarantee getting a card and just having it on your person when you’re out will vastly reduce that anxiety urge. Just knowing you’ve got quick access will help.

I’ve lived with this ‘oh we’re on the motorway and can’t stop suddenly I feel my stomach pinching for no reason’ or stood in a queue and suddenly I feel like my stomach is in knots and I must go to the toilet. - for years, and years. I’ve had CBT which helped greatly. It then had my daughter and I think recovery has spiralled me out of control again so I’m waiting for a perinatal appointment to start CBT again.

mug2018 · 18/10/2020 20:16

I have one for my 13 yr old DD & it's proven to be a lifeline as she has Crohn's disease Sad
We've been able to use staff toilets in stores on occasion which has always been supported with discretion & good grace

flaviaritt · 18/10/2020 20:21

They may not be in a fit state to be overly concerned with politeness...

I just mean as long as they’re not rude about it. It’s a favour, letting someone go ahead of you.

Vinorosso74 · 18/10/2020 20:21

A friend of DP's has Crohns and a few years back was having a rough time with it and tube station staff let him use the toilet (not a public one) when he showed a card. I think the card is a great idea so it stops people being caught out. Ideally we should have more public loos to make it easier for all.
As an aside I would let someone in front of me in a queue if they showed one of these cards. I would also let someone with a small child where the child was clearly desperate for the loo. A few people are a bit odd about things though.

ElementalIllusion · 18/10/2020 20:27

The cards aren’t that useful but if you call up places, especially now when places have the toilets closed,
a lot of places will be happy to accommodate if you explain the situation, leave you name and introduce yourself when you arrive, explain you called about access to the toilet due to a medical condition and confirm you will be able to access it if you need to
(don’t just assume because someone on the phone said it was ok, we made that mistake once but were refused on the day as the staff there new nothing about it)

movingonup20 · 18/10/2020 20:29

Surely it's better just to ask the people in the queue to go in front (though remember others may also have bladder control issues or bowel problems so be prepared for otherwise healthy looking people to say no - I'm having increasing issues queuing myself). For insurance reasons you cannot use staff only facilities and there's other reasons too (I've had people knock on my door to use my toilets at work, public building, but I'm a lone worker much of the time so too risky, I don't know you)

lockdownconfused · 18/10/2020 20:34

We had instructions not to allow members of the public use our staff toilets at the beginning of covid, unless they had the card. Even then they had to clean the toilet sink and door afterwards and a staff member then had to do the same after they had gone. We rarely let people use the staff toilets anyway as Previously we have had the toilet left in an awful state by members of the public, it always shocks me that someone would smear poo everywhere and leave their soiled underwear on the floor. We have cleaning products in the toilets and a bin and if they asked we would fetch wipes/bags for them to be able to clean themselves properly.

WoodenFox · 18/10/2020 20:41

Any shop I've worked in has been very very strict about not allowing people to use staff toilets, with or without those cards. Insurance doesn't allow for it for one thing. And as pp have said, most staff toilets are in areas where staff keep personal belongings and cash office etc nearby. I'd also risk losing my job if I was caught allowing customers into the warehouse to get access to the staff area.

Original poster
icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 20:45

To answer a few questions I have had cbt twice and it hasn't helped with this issue. I've also had a lot of physical tests on my bowels and there are no problems. It's just a case of panic pooping for want of a better expression!!!
I am only truly at ease in a place if I know there are toilets I can use quickly. Put me in the middle of the woods or on a motorway and I am in a state of sheer panic.
I have tried calling the pumpkin patch ahead as I'm sure that as they are a commercial business they would have to offer toilet facilities especially with so many kids visiting! But they haven't answered my calls or Facebook messages so I really do feel nervous about going. It's a 45 minute drive and if I'm unsure about whether or not there's a toilet at the end of it I guarantee I will end up in a panic that will mean I require one urgently. I wish I wasn't like this.

OP posts:
Blondiecub0109 · 18/10/2020 20:49

My friend used her to explain to someone in an aero plane why she couldn’t swap seat with them when they were being very very rude to her wanting her to give up her aisle seat

CamiJulia · 18/10/2020 20:54

Same - partner has colitis ... I think it doesn’t make much difference to be honest; the cars I mean! Apps that list public bathrooms are much better imo!

LoveFall · 18/10/2020 20:54

The sheer pain and panic I feel when suddenly I have to go is horrible. Once while in a Boots in the UK I was desperate. The manager very nicely explained that the nearest public facility was a couple of blocks away. I explained and he let me use the staff bathroom. He escorted me there, waited outside etc. I was not at all like a random person was using the room. I was so grateful to that man I could have kissed him (of course I didn't). One of those oh so appreciated random acts of kindness.

Moonbear10 · 18/10/2020 20:54

Solidarity, I'm the same. We went on holiday last month and I felt terrible having to plan our days out around beaches with loos and places within a short drive of public toilets.
I've had one situation where I had to go into a shop and ask to use their (staff) loo, I just explained what was happening and why it was urgent (I was having a panic attack) and the lovely member of staff broke their protocol and took me out the back to their loos. I'm forever grateful to her. I have considered getting a card but I'm not sure if it's help any more than being really open and honest about the state I'm in at the time 🙈

spiderlight · 18/10/2020 21:00

I have one - I have ulcerative colitis and got it from Crohns and Colitis UK. I've never used it but it's reassuring to have it in my wallet just in case.

BubblyBarbara · 18/10/2020 21:12

Buy a radar key on eBay

Chloemol · 18/10/2020 21:18

my aunt had a problem and needed to use a shops staff toilets, they were extremely helpful, and although they ‘lurked’ to make sure you didn’t access store rooms they really couldn’t have been more helpful when she explained

fudgesmummy · 18/10/2020 21:25

I have an urgency issue since having surgery for stage 1 ovarian cancer a year ago.
I have a can't wait card but never had to use it, but just having it on me reduces the anxiety massively.
The best thing I have is a radar key I bought from Amazon so I can use the disabled toilet. I have never been challenged but I do use a stick so I look "disabled"

decoraters · 18/10/2020 21:27

@flaviaritt

They may not be in a fit state to be overly concerned with politeness...

I just mean as long as they’re not rude about it. It’s a favour, letting someone go ahead of you.

The whole point is that it isn’t a ‘favour’, it’s a medical requirement.
fudgesmummy · 18/10/2020 21:27

I also have a find my nearest public toilet app on my phone 🙂

woodlandwalker · 18/10/2020 21:35

I have a card which I got after being refused the use of disabled toilets by staff who decided that I don't look disabled, which is very annoying.
I didn't find the radar key very useful as there are so few places where you can use it.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 18/10/2020 21:40

I don't think there's much point to them myself. If they can help then they will help when you ask. Having it in writing makes no odds ime.

I was called a cunt once for saying no to a man with a card when he wanted to use our staff toilet. I was alone on the shop floor with a customer at my desk so no one to escort him, or clean it afterwards (covid) and toilet is in the warehouse where the delivery was being unloaded so would have been like a game of dodge the forklift.

And there was a public toilet less than 5 minutes walk.

A card does not make a blind bit of difference. If I'd been in a position to let him, I would have. Showing me a card does not change the fact that I can't let someone out the back where people are driving machinery and where we keep our bags with no one to supervise them.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 18/10/2020 21:41

@flaviaritt

They may not be in a fit state to be overly concerned with politeness...

I just mean as long as they’re not rude about it. It’s a favour, letting someone go ahead of you.

You can tell when someone is desperate so not making basic niceties and someone being a rude and entitled wanker with a card.
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