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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone use an 'I can't wait' card

76 replies

icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 19:14

I have an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in lots of horrible symptoms but one of the worst is urgently needing the toilet. This has caused be a lot of problems going out especially during covid when access to lots of public toilets have been limited. It's really beginning to take over my life.
I'm considering ordering an 'I can't wait' card but I don't fully understand them. Do you need to have a physical problem to have one? And what extra access do they give you? Is it just that shop owners and people like that are more likely to let you use a private loo if you have a card to show you have a medical issue? Has anyone shown a card and still been refused access? Basically is it worth having one?

OP posts:
wildthingsinthenight · 18/10/2020 21:56

A radar key is also a good shout. I have one

Cryalot2 · 18/10/2020 21:58

Flowers I feel your pain op. I have severe ibs,d type. Which is unpredictable. If I am going somewhere I tend to spend ages on loo first.
I am fiber intolerant, but even at that stress can affect me.
I don't have a card I don't think I would have time.
One incident this year I was nowhere near home and had just came from loos and had no time to get back. Dh asked in a shop and they said no. Knowing I was going to have an accident I got out of the car, ( I was sweating and almost doubled in two) next thing I know I was being helped to a loo/box room .I was was told to take my time. I did make it in time thankfully.
I thanked the staff no end and dh had explained my condition.
I still am so embarrassed writing about it.
I have a radar key which is invaluable.
I had been due to see someone about it pre covid. I had it reasonably well under control but this year it has been unpredictable and like you I have to know where the toilets are always.
Immodium is my best friend ( on drs advice)
I want dh to change the old car to a campervan with loo Hmm
Good wishes I would deffo get a radar key.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 18/10/2020 21:58

As a mental health professional I used to work with a rather scruffy young man who had one of these. If his experience is typical, it wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on. To visit me he had to travel through a pretty downmarket area and there was no chance any of the local greasy spoons, chicken shops or kebab houses were going to let him use their loo without making a purchase.

NeonGenesis · 18/10/2020 22:22

I've worked in plenty of places where you would lose your job for allowing a random person off the street, or even a customer, to use staff toilets. Thise areas give people access to things such as safes full of money, pharmaceuticals, staff personal belongings, areas which are not safe to be in without protective equipment. Also a lot of places just have it as a general policy for insurance and security reasons.

It wouldn't matter what sort of urgent medical issue the person had, or how much sympathy you had for them - you'd have to say no or you'd get in a lot of trouble.

I would have thought that card would be much more useful for a situation where there is a queue for the toilet. You could show it to people to explain why you are pushing in, and hopefully not get any grief for it.

Original poster
icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 22:29

I do understand why staff toilets are off limits and usually another public toilet wouldn't be too far away in a town centre or somewhere like that. Supermarkets, pubs, McDonald's and so on all have toilets and I would happily buy something. It's just the uncertainty of visiting unfamiliar places and not knowing what the set up regarding loos is. Pre covid it wasn't so much of an issue but a lot of places still aren't operating as normal. I really don't want to say to my dc that we can't go pumpkin picking because of this but I'm scared.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 18/10/2020 22:30

I have one and a radar key for toilets. I find them useful as I don’t have to explain in front of people.

Casschops · 18/10/2020 22:30

I have kidney disease and sometimes don't realise that I need the toilet until I really want to go. I don't have card as I go regularly to empty my bladder. I don't ask anywhere. I walk in wee and go.

whenoneoneknows · 18/10/2020 22:38

I have an anxiety disorder which also makes me need the loo - and urgently. There is no option to wait. I use any loo I need to (if I can access it) and will go in a bush if needed. I don't care anymore. I see the UK motorway hard shoulder as one big toilet. The anxiety cripples me and I can't go out because of the toilet issue - I now don't care or when I go

OwlBeThere · 18/10/2020 22:38

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut, not nice to call you a cunt, that said a 5 minute walk is a lifetime when you have these kinds of issues. He was really rude, but desperation to not shit yourself in a shop rarely brings out the best in people.

Original poster
icequeen34 · 18/10/2020 23:02

@whenoneoneknows that is a great attitude. I wish I could be like that. Because let's face it the fear of having an accident is what controls me. If I could just get over that fear and think if I need to go I'll go wherever, life would be so much simpler.

OP posts:
Riv · 18/10/2020 23:03

I have the card but only used it once and was allowed to use the loo in a cafe I was passing without question. I think having the card takes the stress away and means I don’t actually need to use it as much.
I also have a radar key- which has been invaluable. It’s given me fast access to loos when there’s been a queue or complicated barriers or turnstiles to the usual toilets when need speed.
I never use it unless I really need to. I’m more than happy to let others in front of me and leave the disabled loo for someone who needs it under normal circumstances.

Gilead · 18/10/2020 23:17

Currently lying in hospital with a colitis flare!
I have a card. Crohns and colitis org have a partnership with Argos whereby you can show a Can’t Wait card and staff will assist.
I have always found Aldi, Lidl, B and M to be good.

mrsbyers · 18/10/2020 23:47

I used one many times due to Crohn’s disease , only refused once but strangely when I said I’d just have to go in the middle of the coffee shop they relented

I don’t really need one now as have a stoma bag but I’d recommend one and a radar key

NewMumOrpington · 19/10/2020 00:11

I have a card for ulcerative colitis. I've used it once (at a tube station) and the staff were very helpful. I imagine they would have helped even without the card but it made me feel more confident having it.

seayork2020 · 19/10/2020 00:31

I have no idea what makes me do this but I can be fine one minute and am desperate the next for both reasons a person needs the toilet for, I have had all the medical tests they can think BUT it is my issue and I plan when I am out where the toilets and work around that.

If I need to go when DH is with me and there is a pub/café etc. then DH gets a drink or I go then we sit and get a drink if it is 'customer only'

It is my problem to deal with not the businesses so no I would not get this card.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2020 01:02

@BubblyBarbara

Buy a radar key on eBay
There's always one person who has no respect for people with disabilities.
decoraters · 19/10/2020 07:39

There's always one person who has no respect for people with disabilities.

This makes no sense. This is what a radar key is for Confused

BigKnickers87 · 19/10/2020 08:11

I have IBS-D and horrible anxiety about leaving the house. I’ve tried all the diets and all the medications and I’ve had CBT. I have a radar key through the IBS network which I’ve used during lockdown and I also got a can’t wait card which I’ve not yet used. The anxiety for me definitely outweighs the amount of times I actually need to go nowadays. Sometimes I’ll be absolutely adamant I’m about to shat myself but then I calm down and I’m fine. It’s absolutely awful🤦🏻‍♀️

ilovesooty · 19/10/2020 09:39

@decoraters

There's always one person who has no respect for people with disabilities.

This makes no sense. This is what a radar key is for Confused

I was referring to buying one from ebay. I might have interpreted that as simply getting one to jump queues rather than addressing the real problem the OP has. I believe there are recognised and genuine sites for radar keys.
JuiceyBetty · 19/10/2020 10:26

OP I’m exactly the same so really feel your pain. I have a card and a radar key, both of which give me comfort knowing I have but I rarely use.

decoraters · 19/10/2020 12:44

I was referring to buying one from ebay. I might have interpreted that as simply getting one to jump queues rather than addressing the real problem the OP has. I believe there are recognised and genuine sites for radar keys.

It doesn't matter where you get it from for goodness sake. How ridiculous.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2020 12:46

@decoraters

I was referring to buying one from ebay. I might have interpreted that as simply getting one to jump queues rather than addressing the real problem the OP has. I believe there are recognised and genuine sites for radar keys.

It doesn't matter where you get it from for goodness sake. How ridiculous.

It does if you're not actually disabled.
decoraters · 19/10/2020 12:49

@ilovesooty

The whole point is that OP does have a disability. A PP suggested OP buy a key on eBay and you jumped in with the 'there is always one with no respect' comment. Totally unnecessary in the context.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2020 12:56

[quote decoraters]@ilovesooty

The whole point is that OP does have a disability. A PP suggested OP buy a key on eBay and you jumped in with the 'there is always one with no respect' comment. Totally unnecessary in the context. [/quote]
I can see how it looked like that. I might have been influenced by other factors when I responded.

Mammylamb · 19/10/2020 13:14

I don’t have the card, but do have a radar key because of IBS. I look well, so get some funny looks when I use a disabled loo (I only use it when desperate, otherwise I use the normal toilets.). There may be some who say that I don’t have a real disability: but before having the radar key, I have unfortunately shit myself in Public when I couldn’t find an open toilet hence why I have the key.

At the shopping center near me you need to pay 20p to use the toilet, and I didn’t have that on me and was absolutely desperate. I got my radar key out while waiting for the disabled loo to become available and the toilet attendant let me straight through to the normal toilets without having to pay

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