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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone has left their dildo on my garden wall!!!!

89 replies

LindtLover19 · 18/10/2020 16:36

So I went out for a walk today and as I returned, I noticed a pink plastic object on my front garden wall! It turned out to be a mahoosive pink phallus!!! It’s a rather quiet street so I’m shocked that someone would leave it on my wall. What do I do? Do I throw it away - what if someone comes looking for it?? Completely shocked!!!

OP posts:
Mucky1 · 18/10/2020 17:24

My husband was in bin man when we first met. One day he found a bag that had fallen out of a wheelie bin full of sex toys 🤣 Cock pump, massive double dildo etc he said they looked really well used. They took them back to the yard and put them in a colleagues locker 🙈

iklboo · 18/10/2020 17:25

Any non-Covid hen parties round your way?

Allthedoggos · 18/10/2020 17:28

@CountFosco we have the Kong safestix dog toy from that article. We call it the Dick Stick

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/10/2020 17:29

Don't worry: lots of people have been having clear-outs and, with charity shops closed or restricted as to how much they can take, they've been putting old, unwanted books, DVDs, toys etc on their garden walls for people who want them to help themselves.

Effectively, its being there on your wall is sending the clear message to everybody passing by that "This is currently owned by the woman who lives here at number 26, but she has used it so much that it no longer interests or excites her; so she wishes to bestow it upon a new grateful owner, so that they can now take up the baton (so to speak) and get plenty of use out of it".

That's all - nothing to feel awkward about whatsoever....

Cassimin · 18/10/2020 17:34

Hand it in at your local police station, put it on your local fb lost and found.
It could have sentimental value to someone.

polkadotpixie · 18/10/2020 17:37

People seem to be doubting the OP but I had a dildo posted through my letterbox once by my student neighbours once! So I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was completely true 😂

FTMF30 · 18/10/2020 17:41

The mystery of this would wind me up. Was it a prank or something else?

BeenHereForAges · 18/10/2020 17:41

My gran found one in her front hedge last year!
That was a conversation I never want to have again Blush
Perhaps this is a weird fettish thing we dont all know about!

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 18/10/2020 17:43

Are you the same poster who had people shagging in her hedge?

Sunflowerlover20 · 18/10/2020 17:49

Op hasn’t been back for a while...maybe I’m correct and it’s been stuck to the wall with gorilla glue! Grin

Soubriquet · 18/10/2020 17:51

Is it laid flat..or pointed up so people can use it outdoors? Grin

Like a make shift sex machine

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 18/10/2020 17:52

Seriously don't believe this in absence of a photo. I don't even know how anyone could even consider making a thread about this without a picture. Come on OP AngryGrin

sapnupuas · 18/10/2020 17:54

Surely the first thing you'd do is take a photo

SpookyNoise · 18/10/2020 17:56

We need a photo!

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 18/10/2020 18:02

Photo or it didn't happen!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/10/2020 19:39

It could have sentimental value to someone.

True. Even if something has a very low monetary value, it can still stir very special personal feelings inside the owner.

grumpygiraffe · 18/10/2020 19:52

Are you absolutely sure it's not a dog toy?
Is it squeaky?

MainliningMarzipan · 18/10/2020 19:57

@grumpygiraffe

Are you absolutely sure it's not a dog toy? Is it squeaky?
I see a gap in the market.

Dicks4Dogs

This time next year Rodney...

DramaAlpaca · 18/10/2020 19:59

@grumpygiraffe

Are you absolutely sure it's not a dog toy? Is it squeaky?
I've been sniggering along but this comment really made me laugh Grin Grin Grin
DeliciouslyFemale · 18/10/2020 19:59

@grumpygiraffe

Are you absolutely sure it's not a dog toy? Is it squeaky?
No, but anyone that tries to sit on the wall and doesn’t spot it in time, might be. 🍆 😲
butwhat · 18/10/2020 20:07

This reminds me of the time we found an array of pink butt plugs on a woodland walk. During lockdown.
Wasn't aware we had a local butt-plug-club.
And yes, I did name change, as I told this story a lot 😂

CarrieBlu · 18/10/2020 20:08

People seem to be doubting the OP but I had a dildo posted through my letterbox once by my student neighbours once! So I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was completely true

I was walking down a street near my house once and just as I went past one of the biggest/poshest houses in the area, I noticed a massive strap on dildo lying in their driveway by the gates. It definitely was not a dog toy!

winewolfhowls · 18/10/2020 20:12

I so want to glue a dildo to the wall outside the spar to watch people grappling it. I wouldn't dare really but that would be a the best local news day ever.

Goosefoot · 18/10/2020 20:16

I would put up a critter cam and see who comes to collect it.

There are some dog toys that look like dildos. My mother bought one for her dogs and we all made fun of it - upon researching we found that it's recommended as a downmarket dildo on some websites.

GetTheDoorFrank · 18/10/2020 20:20

Oh wont someone think of the children seeing such a vulgar thing... 🤣🤣 who am i kidding ive just woke my dogs up laughing at this 🤣🤣