To let them know I'm pregnant?

[chippedchocolate]

Hello. Recently (3 weeks ago) found out I'm pregnant with my 3rd DC, DP's 1st. Totally over the moon, still in slight denial, we've been trying for quite some time and had given up when out of the blue it happens. Coming up 9 weeks, booking in this week, scan mid November.

Question is - DP's dad + DSM are in the process of moving house - looking at about 250miles away. It's just fallen through this week - their sale and their onward purchase.

They've just called to ask if they can pop in today - they live just around the corner. All being well this could be first grandchild. AIBU to think that it might be an idea to let them know I'm pregnant? I know that generally, until the scan we shouldn't tell anyone - certainly we aren't telling my DC just yet - but what's the general consensus on that approach these days?

I think you should, but ask them to keep it secret.

We told our close family right away. My thoughts being if anything went wrong I would tell them anyway.

Do you think their plans to move so far away will change because you are pregnant?

There’s no rule that says you can’t tell people until the scan, you can tell whoever you like whenever you like. I told my mum the second I got a positive test!

My sibling is having a baby next month. They told all immediate family straight away. (Their parents and siblings)
It isn't unusual.

I've previously had miscarriages, so my theory was I would tell people who would want to know and would support me if the worst happened but ask them to keep it quiet for now. Fortunately it's all been positive so far!!

I told family straight away

Do you mean because they might not want to move so far away?

@RedComb yes I wondered the same as you because I couldn't see the relevance about the house sale falling through otherwise.

You can tell them anytime you like.

The reason many women wait until after the first scan, is mainly in case they miscarry. They then don't want to then have to tell everyone or have people asking how the pregnancy is going. So if you comfortable them knowing, there's no reason why you shouldn't say something

Thanks all - very helpful. We think it might mean they think about finding something not quite as far away - at least we would like to give them the opportunity to rethink their plans. I don't think either of them imagined we would have a baby - I'm quite old 😳

What do you mean shouldn’t tell anyone? Says who? Each person can do what they want. If anything were to happen (I really hope it doesn’t!) it wouldn’t be because you told someone. You may need support if the worst happens. I don’t wait until 12 weeks to announce my pregnancies and in the same vein I’ve know others to wait until 20 weeks. Neither of us are wrong to do it that way, we all have to do what’s right for us.

If you trust them to keep it secret. You dont want to have to send out lots of messages if you lose the baby.

I'd also say, get a private scan earlier, DH isn't allowed to our hospital scan and it really helped seeing babys heart beat at 8 weeks for nerves.

Congratulations! If I were in your position, yes I would tell his DF, we always told immediate family and friends straight away. I also agree with the suggestion of private scan if you can afford it so that your DP can be there with you, especially as he's first time dad.

I want to know how old you are lol.

I told my parents at about 10/11 weeks with my dd. Told her not to tell anyone but she told her whole friends list. So I didn't tell her in may when I was pregnant which I'm glad I didn't as I lost it.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant again now but again not told her.

I think this 'don't tell anyone until 12 weeks is a bit daft tbh.

Heaven forbid anything goes wrong, you will need support and understanding from your nearest and dearest.

Tell them when your DP and you want to tell them. There is no real done thing here. Some tell straight away, some wait till the dating scan and a minority like me tell after the 20 week scan. Tell them whenever you both feel confortable to do so. The only consequence is that if you do lose it you need to tell them that too, but most people are fine telling their parents about their losses so...

Would you want to have to tell them about a miscarriage?

• I know that generally, until the scan we shouldn't tell anyone - certainly we aren't telling my DC just yet - but what's the general consensus on that approach these days?

Be careful, they might tell other people or put it on social media.

Bugger, posted too soon.
I know that generally, until the scan we shouldn't tell anyone
There is no "shouldn't" about it. Many people choose not to because they wouldn't want anyone to know if they had a miscarriage but it's not a rule. Lots of posts these days asking if it is "allowed" to tell before. It's entirely up to you.

I agree there's no 'shouldn't' about it.

I told everyone before the piss was even dry on the stick

Congratulations OP

I would. We told people straight away. In these circumstances I definitely would.

I told my mum and sisters straight away
Same as pps ,if anything had gone wrong I would have told them anyway
Might have been different if my DSis had been TTC

Tell the people who you would also be ok telling you had a miscarriage.

We told my parents/ PIL in the first couple of weeks and held off telling the rest of the family until the odds were in our favour that the baby would be fine.

Sharing your news doesn't affect the viability of a pregnancy ergo there is no should or shouldn't. You tell who you want when you want.

If you want to tell them, tell them. Ask them to keep it quiet if you prefer to wait longer for other people to know.

And massive congratulations