To let them know I'm pregnant?

[chippedchocolate]

Hello. Recently (3 weeks ago) found out I'm pregnant with my 3rd DC, DP's 1st. Totally over the moon, still in slight denial, we've been trying for quite some time and had given up when out of the blue it happens. Coming up 9 weeks, booking in this week, scan mid November.

Question is - DP's dad + DSM are in the process of moving house - looking at about 250miles away. It's just fallen through this week - their sale and their onward purchase.

They've just called to ask if they can pop in today - they live just around the corner. All being well this could be first grandchild. AIBU to think that it might be an idea to let them know I'm pregnant? I know that generally, until the scan we shouldn't tell anyone - certainly we aren't telling my DC just yet - but what's the general consensus on that approach these days?

Again - thanks all - @WorraLiberty that made me laugh!

Private scan is a really lovely idea and as it's his first I will do that. He was going to take the day off and sit in the hospital car park mid November so private together would be really special. I'll have to find somewhere that does it!

And for the PP who asked, I'm 42. 😳🤭

I’d definitely tell them.

How did it go?

They might need some time to think about their plans and say, everything happens for a reason.

Thanks @fabulousathome - we didn't tell them today. We are going to have a private scan and then tell them - we have talked about it and really, we would like to tell my DC first, as if by any chance anyone else were to tell them / let slip, we feel that would be awful. At least with the confirmation from a private scan (we are still in denial / happy shock) then we would feel comfortable telling the children. Then we can tell close family.

It's been really helpful exploring this today though, I hadn't thought of a private scan and now DP is really excited as it means he can come too!

So exciting.

I still remember asking my in laws and parents over to tell them the news and kids are proper grown up with jobs and partners now.

Hey MN,

We had our scan this weekend, the dates didn't quite match up, was 3 weeks behind, and sadly I started bleeding quite badly too. Lost our little bean this morning.

In a way we are quite glad not to have told anyone just so we can heal together. Thankfully also we didn't tell the DC. Heartbreaking but we hope one day soon our little miracle will reappear in our lives.

So sorry OP Hope you get your little miracle soon xxx

I agree, tell them.

I’m really not sure the general presumption that pregnancy will be kept secret until after the 12 week scan benefits women anyway. It can stop you getting the support and understanding you need during that time of the pregnancy, or for women who have an early miscarriage to access that support and understanding.

Are you over 12 weeks, if not I would not tell them.

Gosh I’m so sorry I didn’t read the full thread

So sorry for your loss

Oh jesus sorry, missed it.

Hope you do get all the support you need at this really difficult time.

I would tell them in this situation personally.

They may not wish to move so far away (or they may still!) But I'd want them to have the information before they did.

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry. That's really, really heartbreaking. As someone who was also TTC in her 40s (I now have DD2, who's 2 1/2), and had 3 miscarriages, I'd advise starting to take ubiquinol and low dose aspirin every day. Best of luck, I hope you have your happy ending very soon.

So sorry to hear that

Oh god I'm so sorry OP. I didn't read the full thing

I am so sorry to hear of your sad news @chippedchocolate. I too had a miscarriage in June. Then we fell pregnant again two months later! Don’t be worried about your age. I’m 48! The drs and midwives have been fabulous, it’s only a number. Hoping you fall pregnant again really soon.

Lots of love to you and your Partner OP!!! take time out for you both to heal however you need...I've heard fluffy blankets, chocolate and naps are a really good place to start

So sorry. 💐

So sorry OP.

There is absolutely no reason that you 'shouldn't' tell people, unless that's your preference. The 12 week 'rule' is a really unhelpful, outdated one. If you want to tell people, you should tell them.

I think the general wisdom is to tell people you would also be comfortable sharing the news of a pregnancy loss with. If they fall into that category, tell away.

Oh OP I'm so sorry. Sending love.

I'm so sorry - take care of yourself.

Thank you. You are very kind - we are heartbroken but we remain pragmatic. If it wasn't meant to be, better to know now than further on. Since the 27 September we have held this little chocolate chip so close to our hearts and I am very hopeful - particularly with your experiences - that we will succeed, in time, once more.

@StepAwayFromGoogle - I've not heard of ubiquinol? I've been taking inositol to promote ovulation - I shall have a look at ubiquinol too.

Thank you all for your support.

I'm 8wks pregnant and we told our parents and siblings straight away, on the promise they would keep it to themselves until we had the 12 week scan. I also have since told my closest friends.... essentially, anyone I would turn to for support if things go wrong. And also those people who would have easily picked up on the fact I look and feel like death currently due to 'morning' sickness and exhaustion!