To think if I accept my fate I can move on

[Sarahspeaksloud]

I’ve lived this year cooped up in my house.
With the exception of going for walks every day and socially distant garden meet ups, I haven’t done anything.

I have a 7 month old baby and I know that if I get Covid my chances are not good. 😞

I’m 34 BMI 39 and I have inflammatory arthritis.

I’m not on medication for this (as agreed with rheumatologist) but over the last few months my joints have become painful so I know I’m going to have to get onto some medication.

For the above health reasons I’ve stayed at home as much as possible, but it’s making me miserable.😞

Baby classes are running in our area and I’d love to take DC. The one I’ve seen is Covid secure but I can’t help but be reminded that by going I’m putting myself at risk.

I know that when I get Covid I will require hospital treatment and there’s a higher
chance it could be fatal.

AIBU to just accept this fate, accept that this will be severe for me, and just move on and “live” until i eventually get Covid?

I can’t live my life locked indoors being scared.

Is it just easier to accept it, make arrangements and move on?

I know that when I get Covid I will require hospital treatment and there’s a higher
chance it could be fatal

How do you 'know' this? Have you been told this by a consultant, or are you catastrophising?

@gobbynorthernbird

*I know that when I get Covid I will require hospital treatment and there’s a higher chance it could be fatal*

How do you 'know' this? Have you been told this by a consultant, or are you catastrophising?

@gobbynorthernbird no but just having a quick look on various websites tells you that inflammatory conditions put you at risk.

Can you do anything to try and reduce your BMI? I don't know much about inflammatory arthritis but does it prevent you from being able to exercise properly?

I know how you feel. When we were locked down in spring, I was so worried about COVID. My BMI is a bit higher than yours, and I was concerned I’d die.
However, I’m a teacher so I’ve had to be back in school since September, and that has made me see things a bit more rationally. I’m doing everything I can to keep myself safe.
You need to think about your sanity, and also socializing your child. I’d say go the group, and keep a social distance. Take hand sanitizer with you. As soon as you get home, change your clothes and your baby’s clothes and pop them all in the wash.

You dont know that for sure, no one does.

It’s no way to live.

Wear a mask, keep your distance but start living your life!

Look up the BMA covid -19 risk assessment tool. I think you might be surprised at how much protection you are afforded by your age set against the risk factors that you mention.

Can you take steps to reduce your BMI? Even a reduction to 35 or 30 would improve your chances of survival, surely?

Inflamatory autoimmune condition means even without meds your body is likely to over-react to Covid or any infection even without the. Don’t take the risk for baby classes. You, could, however take the risk for fitness classes - is there a NCT buggy walking group running near you? You can take baby out at a quick pace and being outdoors reduces the risk - you’ll also make loads of friends

A higher chance of death, yes, but higher than normal chance which is a very low chance. Not a high chance overall.

You're also a young female. That goes in your favour.

Your BMI is the real risk here but being frank that's not just because of COVID. Could you try to reduce it over next few months?

Getting on the medication would lower your risk as it would reduce inflammatory responses.

Inflammatory conditions do make you more vulnerable to catching it and having it severely... however this is offset by taking meds. Depending on which type of ia it is of course.

On the other hand Immunosupressants for example, have been found not to increase risks surprisingly, but obviously reduce your inflammation.

What type of arthritis is it?

I understand your anxiety, but I think some facts might be helpful to you.

There is a risk assessment you can take

alama.org.uk/covid-19-medical-risk-assessment/

By putting the information you have given into it, you have a “Covid age” of 47. i.e. you are at no more risk than a perfectly healthy 47 year old while male. There is a 0.2% chance of fatality.

I really do understand where you are coming from. I was initially told to shield and that I had a 15% chance of dying from it. I remember getting very frustrated with someone who was comparing it to flu, and pointing out that my risk was literally the same as if I was playing Russian roulette. I was recommended to stay 2m away from my own family within my own house (I didn’t, and that advice changed after 2 weeks anyway). But as more is known about the disease, the relative risks are much, much better understood. My Covid age turns out to be 49 😁

I can say from experience that it is a difficult period of adjustment getting used to that new information and it might take a while to sink in. I would recommend ramping up your re-engagement slowly to give you time to adjust, and go easy on yourself, but it is worth it. My quality of life is so much better now.

I don't think baby classes are the issue here.

Too much time in your own head combined with continual pain doesn't lead to being able to rationalise.

Pain management is really important. Constant even low level pain is debilitating. What steps do you need to take to manage this? Even if its accepting meds for a fixed period and then re-evaluating to give yourself some respite.

I've had to limit my at home covid news exposure. I work from home, self employed, and found that I was starting to feel doomed. I'm still informed but I limit it to headlines once a day.

I'm forcing myself to do new things that are in my control. I'm one day into a new eatting regime! DH and I are both a high weight having got to a decent weight only a few years ago I'm really angry that the stones have piled back on.

This next year of a simple life, not going to lots of restaurants, or being force fed cake is another opportunity to take back some control.

I'm currently meal planning and finding interesting things to make. I've ordered a dehydrator - wanted one for years, so I can make some dried strawberries, dried grated carrot, dried celery, my own stock powder as a base for soups and casseroles.

At 7 months are you at the messy eating stage now? Are you able to prep food yourself- does it interest you. Is there something else that potentially could tweek your interest and provide a distraction?

Also, to put it in context, the arthritis only adds 2 years to your Covid age, whereas the BMI adds 17 years. So the BMI is a much bigger risk factor. If you had a friend 2 years older than you, and the same weight as you but with no medical conditions, would you be saying she should stay home? I wouldn’t think so. Yet her risk would be exactly the same as yours.

And yes, you can reduce your risk by losing weight, but don’t stress it because your risk isn’t that bad anyway xxx. (I have a BMI of 30, so not exactly a skinny minnie)

I also have inflammatory arthritis and I’m 30 (feel free to PM me!!) I am going to the gym, going out with a friend (until London went into tier 2) and go to the shops, supermarket, DC to soft play, etc.

You can give yourself the best chance if you’re careful, wear a mask, wash your hands and carry sanitizer with you - but really do hope you can get your condition under control and take care of yourself. You are a bit more at risk, and so am I, but don’t you want to enjoy every day.....? I could be run over tomorrow and I wouldn’t want my final days to be shut up inside doing nothing...

There’s always things like outdoor farms, pick your own fruit farms, that kind of thing if being inside is too much for you but being outside feels more comfortable?

I hope you’re ok. Good luck OP. X

What the heck is a Covid secure baby class. There’s no such thing. You have no idea who has Covid, or who could be asymptomatically passing it around.

Are you asking for "permission" to make this decision? Or help on how to feel confident to make it?

@JenniferSantoro

What the heck is a Covid secure baby class. There’s no such thing.

Erm everyone has their own mats, all spaced 2m apart. No shared equipment and it’s a non mobile baby class.

What’s not Covid secure?

@user18264925482

Are you asking for "permission" to make this decision? Or help on how to feel confident to make it?

@user18264925482

Why would I need permission?

Advice. Not permission.

I'm not stalking you OP.

I too have PsA and a similar BMI.

I also have 3 children (2 in primary and the little one started nursery a few weeks ago)... my exposure is actually quite frightening. BUT I'm not prepared for my kids to suffer any more than they already have.

Get medicated (or at the very least get some decent pain relief). The issue with arthritis is that it is progressive and you need to protect your joints now.

I'm 44 with rheumatoid arthritis. I'm going to apologise in advance because I might sound harsh.
You have a chronic pain condition and have also decided to have a child. It is grossly unfair for your child to miss out or even worse, become a young carer, when there is something blatantly obvious which you can do to help yourself.
I am going to assume you would like to avoid methotrexate if you can - after all, it's horrible stuff. 50% of people tolerate it well, 50% don't. If you are one who doesn't (like me), you may end up with your head down the toilet for two days per week, catching every little bug there is. In other words, further incapacitated.
You already know what the best way to reduce strain on your joints is, I don't need to tell you. Reducing joint strain reduces pain. Reducing pain improves your mobility, meaning you can do more for yourself and your DC.
Put simply, it's your BMI that will wreck your life, not arthritis or covid.

no but just having a quick look on various websites tells you that inflammatory conditions put you at risk.

Increased risk is not at all the same as certainty. Being very old also puts people at higher risk, and yet there are lots and lots of elderly people who have had Covid pretty mildly or at least not been hospitalised.

You should make sensible decisions about how you live through the pandemic, based on a balance between a reasonable level of caution and the need to see people, ger out and about and stay sane. You should not be basing your decisions on a doom-laden view that you will definitely get Covid, be hospitalised, or die of the virus.