To think if I accept my fate I can move on

[Sarahspeaksloud]

I’ve lived this year cooped up in my house.
With the exception of going for walks every day and socially distant garden meet ups, I haven’t done anything.

I have a 7 month old baby and I know that if I get Covid my chances are not good. 😞

I’m 34 BMI 39 and I have inflammatory arthritis.

I’m not on medication for this (as agreed with rheumatologist) but over the last few months my joints have become painful so I know I’m going to have to get onto some medication.

For the above health reasons I’ve stayed at home as much as possible, but it’s making me miserable.😞

Baby classes are running in our area and I’d love to take DC. The one I’ve seen is Covid secure but I can’t help but be reminded that by going I’m putting myself at risk.

I know that when I get Covid I will require hospital treatment and there’s a higher
chance it could be fatal.

AIBU to just accept this fate, accept that this will be severe for me, and just move on and “live” until i eventually get Covid?

I can’t live my life locked indoors being scared.

Is it just easier to accept it, make arrangements and move on?

@ViciousJackdaw

I'm 44 with rheumatoid arthritis. I'm going to apologise in advance because I might sound harsh. You have a chronic pain condition and have also decided to have a child. It is grossly unfair for your child to miss out or even worse, become a young carer, when there is something blatantly obvious which you can do to help yourself. I am going to assume you would like to avoid methotrexate if you can - after all, it's horrible stuff. 50% of people tolerate it well, 50% don't. If you are one who doesn't (like me), you may end up with your head down the toilet for two days per week, catching every little bug there is. In other words, further incapacitated. You already know what the best way to reduce strain on your joints is, I don't need to tell you. Reducing joint strain reduces pain. Reducing pain improves your mobility, meaning you can do more for yourself and your DC. Put simply, it's your BMI that will wreck your life, not arthritis or covid.

@ViciousJackdaw

It’s always been very mild so I’ve never needed to go on DMARD’s.

Even now I wouldn’t say I need them which is why I agreed with my rheumatologist I would stay off of them for now, especially as I’m breastfeeding.

@lazylinguist

You should not be basing your decisions on a doom-laden view that you will definitely get Covid, be hospitalised, or die of the virus.

I’m trying not to be so doom and gloom but I genuinely don’t feel my chances are great.

Your BMI is the biggest issue here. And tbh if you can reduce your BMI then you will also be able to reduce some of the symptoms of your arthritis, and be less likely to suffer from heart disease, type2 diabetes etc. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by actively reducing your BMI.

There is a middle ground between just waiting to catch COVID and trying to prevent dying so much that you’re not actually living.

If your MH is suffering as a result of staying home altogether then you need to find that middle ground.

Baby groups aren’t actually the be all and end all, but there are other things you can do, go to the shops, sooon the Christmas lights will be on display, you can take the baby to see those, they’re sparkly and pretty and are outdoors so less risk... that sort of thing.

I have a serious heart condition and have been told that if I catch COVID I will almost certainly not survive it, and if I do, then the potential lung damage I will sustain will make me ineligible for the heart transplant I am one day going to need. I have been told not to go on to public transport, enter crowded places, go to restaurants etc, and as I don’t drive this has limited me significantly. But I’m content enough to stay home where necessary, and even in the summer I spent a lot of time outside in the garden, batch cooked etc, but had this taken its toll I would have sought out something which at least took me away from the house, even if that was going to the park for instance.

Look at what is available to you, and look at serious ways to reduce your BMI, the two might actually go hand in hand e.g. going to the gym for instance.

And stay away from google. No good can come of going there...

You aren't helping yourself OP.

I don't fully believe that your rheumatologist has advised you as a "mild" case to remain unmedicated.

I'm glad they have supported your choice to not medicate but I don't think they would be actively advising you to do nothing.

Sulfaslazine is safe when breastfeeding.

I’m trying not to be so doom and gloom but I genuinely don’t feel my chances are great.

I notice that you haven't responded to the post pointing out what your actual raised risk is - and that it's significant, but certainly not a death sentence.

I've noticed this a lot - for very understandable reasons, a lot of people are finding it very hard to move past initial warnings about raised risk even when we now know a lot more about risk factors. I know a few people with mild asthma convinced they'd be certain to die if they caught Covid despite the fact that it's been clear for some time now that the early assumption that mild asthma would be a risk factor hasn't been borne out by the evidence (it's not even clear that moderate-to-severe asthma is). A huge number of people have it in their heads that they 'will die' if they get it and that's a very hard idea to shift.

@Crunchymum

I don't fully believe that your rheumatologist has advised you as a "mild" case to remain unmedicated

That’s really patronising.

@Hardbackwriter

I notice that you haven't responded to the post pointing out what your actual raised risk is - and that it's significant, but certainly not a death sentence

Yes exactly, my risk is significant.

I genuinely don’t feel my chances are great.

The thing is, feeling that way isn’t normal or rational. In any given year you have about a 1% chance of dying anyway (car accident, slips and trips, cancer, whatever). If you go out and lick a stranger and catch Covid tomorrow, you will only have increased your chances to 1.2%, and that’s taking your health and BMI into account.

Do you think there is a possibility you might have depression? Do you still have access to a health visitor that you could talk to about it?

It's significantly raised from your base rate (mostly due to the BMI) but not a significant risk in itself, unless you think all healthy 47 year old males should be shielding. But again you seem so hostile to the idea that you could be overstating the risk that I don't think you're psychologically ready for it - in which case I don't think you're ready to start engaging in 'riskier' activities, either (which is fine!), and that it's likely to make you more anxious and unhappy not less.

You’ve mentioned your high BMI in your OP, so you know that it’s relevant, and needs to be lower. Yet you’ve ignored anyone saying so. I think you should go to safe baby classes, and live a bit, whilst doing it safely. But you should also lose weight, which you know already

Why don’t you go on a diet and get your BMI down to a healthy level? You don’t need exercise to lose weight. I’ve lost 4 stone over the past year and haven’t moved at all! 😊

@Hardbackwriter

It's significantly raised from your base rate (mostly due to the BMI) but not a significant risk in itself, unless you think all healthy 47 year old males should be shielding

That doesn’t make sense though, how can a fat 34 year old female with an inflammatory condition have the same risk as a healthy 47 year old.

Yes exactly, my risk is significant.

Significant risk is not the same as a foregone conclusion.

but I genuinely don’t feel my chances are great.

Yes, but that's a feeling, not fact. Actual Covid outcomes arenot based on feelings.

@MacbookHo

Why don’t you go on a diet and get your BMI down to a healthy level? You don’t need exercise to lose weight. I’ve lost 4 stone over the past year and haven’t moved at all! 😊

@MacbookHo

I am already making changes my healthy eating 😊

I would say wear a mask and distance, otherwise it’s no way to live. Eat healthily as you say you are already and long, brisk walks.

[quote Sarahspeaksloud]@Hardbackwriter

It's significantly raised from your base rate (mostly due to the BMI) but not a significant risk in itself, unless you think all healthy 47 year old males should be shielding

That doesn’t make sense though, how can a fat 34 year old female with an inflammatory condition have the same risk as a healthy 47 year old.[/quote]
Because you're massively overestimating the effect of your condition and weight on your risk and massively underestimating the protective effect of being young and female. For Covid specifically - this isn't true of all disease by a very long way - all the evidence is showing that age is the most significant risk factor to an extent that most people find counter-intuitive.

[quote Sarahspeaksloud]@Hardbackwriter

It's significantly raised from your base rate (mostly due to the BMI) but not a significant risk in itself, unless you think all healthy 47 year old males should be shielding

That doesn’t make sense though, how can a fat 34 year old female with an inflammatory condition have the same risk as a healthy 47 year old.[/quote]
The answer is in the assessments I have already linked to.

@Sarahspeaksloud

Sorry if it sounds patronising, but a rheumatologist's job is to get you pain free and to prevent any further damage.

What is the point being under one if you don't need or want their help? As I say I'm glad they have respected your choice but mild arthritis will become moderate and then severe if just left, so I'd consider your rheumatologist negligent if they've advised against any treatment?

You seem to have very fixed ideas, and seem unwilling to accept advice from people in the same situation. You are in pain, so why not seek a solution?

Your risk is higher but it's still extremely low. Try to look at the statistics objectively without comparing to other people, e.g instead of "I am 7x more likely to die than someone else", think "the risk of dying from covid if I catch it is only 7%".

Yes exactly, my risk is significant

I'm not going to get into what treatment you should have or whether you know your BMI is too high and should lose weight or anything like that. You already know all that stuff! Do it or don't, that's is your choice - and it's all too easy for keyboard experts to tell you what you should be doing, but it is seldom that easy.

But nobody really has as significant a risk as you are thinking. The bottom line here is that being alive is a risk of death - life is stuffed full of things that might kill you. Giving birth (which you have done) can kill you. Plugging in an appliance (which you do every day on multiple occasions) can kill you. Flu can kill you. But you don't even think about these things or the many other things that might kill you. Because the chances of them killing you are very, very low. So low that you don't think about them. Covid19 is on a par with many of these risks - in fact some things that you encounter all the time may be even more risky, but you simply don't think about it.

The chance that you will need hospital treatment are exceedingly low.

The chances that you will die as a result are vanishingly low.

Should you start ignoring all the rules, throw wild parties with everyone you know, go bungee jumping etc., etc - no, definitely not.

Can you get back out there? Should you get back out there? Yes. Because it is better for you and for your baby. Don't forget that there is a risk - but really, don't live in fear of that minute risk, because if you do, then being alive will be only a matter of breathing not experiencing.

@Sarahspeaksloud That’s awesome! I think as soon as you feel you’ve got that under control, you’ll feel better about everything. I certainly do. My anxiety has really reduced. I lost my weight on WW, using their app. They focus a lot on mindset and mental health, which totally sorted my head out.

Good luck to you. And a huge non-distanced hug 🤗

@mercutio12

Your risk is higher but it's still extremely low. Try to look at the statistics objectively without comparing to other people, e.g instead of "I am 7x more likely to die than someone else", think "the risk of dying from covid if I catch it is only 7%".

Near in mind that to have an individual risk as high as 7% you would have to be an 85 yr old morbidly obese man with heart failure.

[quote Crunchymum]@Sarahspeaksloud

Sorry if it sounds patronising, but a rheumatologist's job is to get you pain free and to prevent any further damage.

What is the point being under one if you don't need or want their help? As I say I'm glad they have respected your choice but mild arthritis will become moderate and then severe if just left, so I'd consider your rheumatologist negligent if they've advised against any treatment?

You seem to have very fixed ideas, and seem unwilling to accept advice from people in the same situation. You are in pain, so why not seek a solution?[/quote]
@Crunchymum

I didn’t say my Rheumatologist has advised against treatment.

What I said was It’s always been very mild so I’ve never needed to go on DMARD’s and that I agreed with my rheumatologist I would stay off of them for now, especially as I’m breastfeeding

@mercutio12

Your risk is higher but it's still extremely low. Try to look at the statistics objectively without comparing to other people, e.g instead of "I am 7x more likely to die than someone else", think "the risk of dying from covid if I catch it is only 7%".

@mercutio12

7% seems high!!!

Sarahspeaksloud

That was an example, I don't know what your personal risk is. A lot lower than 7%, I'd imagine.