AIBU or is Mumsnet particularly hysterical?

[hellisotherpeopleandhorlicks]

In the last twenty minutes I've read threads on societal collapse, civil unrest, war all breaking out in the next year. I've seen people hysterically telling an OP to leave a husband or slept in accidentally, and others encouraging people to panic buy for Brexit while disputing the fact that what they are encouraging is in fact panic buying.

Is Mumsnet generally a good representation of people's views in your circles do you find? Or do people post their true feelings here, ones they wouldn't speak out loud do you think? IE anxieties about things like civil unrest?

I'm just curious really as to whether people read threads on mumsnet and feel that they're a bit OTT and scare mongering or whether they think they're a good representation of the general vibe in their area or circle?

@Elsewyre

Are some Mumsnetters prone to catastrophising*? Probably, some are.

• term for a psychological process of exaggerating the gravity of a situation which is a bit more accurate than hysteria. It doesn't carry the ghost of the idea that your emotional distress is due to your womb wandering around your body, because your inferior female physiology has rendered you less capable of rational or intelligent thought processes than men.

We may not believe all that these days or articulate it in that way. However, it is a word with a long history of being used against women and it still is used to shut women up, in the "calm down dear" sort of usage - "oh she's just being hysterical".

Why not use another, less loaded word?

Whatever you do, don't catastrophise - it'll ruin your life.

@herecomesthsun
Good posts.

You should read the thread about the fabric softener, the histrionics on that... never read anything like it!

Outside of raising small children, MN bears very little relation to reality in my experience.

Why not use another, less loaded word?

Which one?

I come on MN purely for entertainment. It is so far removed from reality as I experience it as to be verging in ludicrous

Mumsnet generally reminds me of performances given by young children.

You have the overly dramatic ones, flinging their arms around, wailing and pressing the back of their hand to their forehead to show grand emotion.

Then the ones who whisper a couple of lines, which might be interesting if we could only hear them.

The small group in the corner who are fighting over something inconsequential and getting frowned at by the teacher.

The main group, who pretty much get on and do their thing, but whose attention might wander if they see or hear something more interesting.

The teacher, who is exaggeratedly mouthing the words and consulting his/her script, and wondering where the hell it all went wrong. (Usually, but not always, the OP)

And finally, the poor audience, who have tried to join in but really are sloshing down a few drinks while waiting for the grand finale.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Why not use another, less loaded word?

Which one?

Catastrophising apprently

Which seems just a modern word to achieve the same goal "undermine the person you're talking about" by making them seem...the h word

Catastrophising apprently

But that's not the same👀 Damn, this is confusing me

I suppose 'am I being unreasonable to be mildly put out by my neighbour parking across my drive' doesn't have the same impact as 'am I being unreasonable to be incandescent with rage by my neighbour parking across my drive'.

People like to be ott and dramatic on here and stir things up, as I imagine they do on a lot of other social media.

I tend to take most things I read online with a large pinch of salt.

People can also be extremely unpleasant when they're sitting behind a screen and keyboard. Again, I take it with a pinch of salt.

A lot of keyboard warriors most of them. It's highly likely most of them wouldn't dream of speaking to other people in real life in the way they do on here.

I don't feel MNers are representative of my family and friends at all in terms if their views and their situations.

Maybe it is the nature of the forums that attracts certain people but, in real life, I know very few divorced people and those that are have amicable relationships with their ex partners. I don't know people who go NC with their families at the drop of a hat rather than have a reasoned discussion with them if they upset each other. I don't know anyone in real life who suffers with poor mental health who openly tells others they have MH issues. I don't know of any others in real life who refer to others as entitled or who have 'gender reveal' parties or parking issues with neighbours. Sometimes I feel like I live in a parallel universe.

I used to think it was a fun place, full of witty posters with amusing screen names who had all sorts of clever repartee and also a broad knowledge of strategies for dealing with all the outrageous CFs and the parking violations that were occurring every few days - all of that vanished in 2020. A lot of the witty posters with amusing screen names turned out to be borderline sociopathic and/or eugenicists. Not very amusing.

I know it's just a section of society online, and so on, but I am terribly disheartened to see so many aggressively awful views being presented defiantly, and also so many with brains less active than a boiled egg joining in repeatedly on disinformation threads re the pandemic, etc.

So what are these 'less loaded' words which mean exactly the same as 'hysterical'?

Maybe we should stop using 'sinister'? The term originated in the belief that left-handed people were evil. Does anyone believe that now?
Language evolves, and so do we, ffs.

I'm not going to be denied my language on the back of some diktat demanding that only bland words are to be permitted. Very dangerous.

Less loaded words?
Dramatic.

There are plenty of words that used to be accepted in less enlightened times now acknowledged as offensive. Words evolve, as do attitudes.

The ancient Greeks thought that the uterus could wander about the body causing problems - hysteria. So only women could be hysterical. Apparently hysteria is now classed as a Somatic symptom disorder which would be a less snappy title.
The opinions of Mumsnet (aibu) are generally not what I experience irl. Sometimes though I do think the votes show the silent majority.

Haha, it does seem especially nutty at times.

I tend to just gawp in amazement at AIBU stuff. Most of it..no I could ever imagine my friends doing/saying. Thats half the novelty of the place though tbh.

I found my people in FWR though, and I have a lot of friends who are like that, indeed a number of posters on there might actually be my friends just I don't know it [shocked] Mind, some of the posters, when posting outside of FWR can seem very, animated too I have noticed. I might do the same, not sure..

Stuff like this

About this time last year there was a lot of posts about cashing out of the EU. People were talking about panic buying/preparing for Armageddon. One woman kept suitcases full of pasta. Another had stocked up on cigarettes and those minature booze bottles to barter after the monetary system collapsed. It was extraordinary.

Is not helping with my sleeping issues. As I end up reading for hours when I should be sleeping, then coming off a thread to a new one headlined 'AIBU to leave DH because he ate a 3cm thick slice of cucumber dipped in ketchup?' followed by many messages about how 'thats horrific behaviour and awful and LTB immediately else god knows what else will happen in the future!' and am stuck on the thread again, repeat as many times as necessary

@Shodan

Mumsnet generally reminds me of performances given by young children.

You have the overly dramatic ones, flinging their arms around, wailing and pressing the back of their hand to their forehead to show grand emotion.

Then the ones who whisper a couple of lines, which might be interesting if we could only hear them.

The small group in the corner who are fighting over something inconsequential and getting frowned at by the teacher.

The main group, who pretty much get on and do their thing, but whose attention might wander if they see or hear something more interesting.

The teacher, who is exaggeratedly mouthing the words and consulting his/her script, and wondering where the hell it all went wrong. (Usually, but not always, the OP)

And finally, the poor audience, who have tried to join in but really are sloshing down a few drinks while waiting for the grand finale.

Seems very accurate that

[quote Supersimkin2]@greenemerald. Thousands of years ago the Greeks saw loud anxiety as an imbalance in humours, stemming from the uterus aka womb - hence hys-te-ri-cal. Same word, geddit.

It's often used to describe women's feelings rudely, although not always. Donald Trump, for example, is an hysteric, which is also an insult.

The Ancient Greeks were not renowned for their medical knowledge, as you might have gathered, or their love of anything in a skirt except an underage boy. But they were all subsequent Europeans had by way of learning at the time, so it stuck.

MN is the nation's Hysteria HQ. But it's a lot better than those men's rights forums or reddit.[/quote]
Most of what you've written is incorrect.

@HunkyPunk

So what are these 'less loaded' words which mean exactly the same as 'hysterical'?

Maybe we should stop using 'sinister'? The term originated in the belief that left-handed people were evil. Does anyone believe that now?
Language evolves, and so do we, ffs.

I'm not going to be denied my language on the back of some diktat demanding that only bland words are to be permitted. Very dangerous.

I'm not (at all) suggesting bland language - but pointing out that this use is a bit unfortunate, especially if some of us think we are feminists and/or rational, intelligent and educated.

Sinister doesn't contain much of the original meaning - although, if I were left handed, for example,I might not like it very much..

But "hysterical" is still used to put people down, and those people are just a bit more likely to be female. Saying "you're hysterical" is a classic way to undermine someone who is trying to make a point based on intangibles such as emotional impact, often a woman.

So no one is telling you you are not permitted to use this language, but likewise no one can stop me from pointing out the linguistic pitfalls.

I have seen posts that I would say is

1. A bit OTT
2. Dramatic
3. Hysterical

We will never agree on what goes where it is just what I think to me

I find MB quite amusing for the tiny little things that are big problems to some people, and the lack of ideas of how to deal with it: “Oh no, I left the iron switched on, I best write a post on MN asking how I deal with it.” Also the nastiness is very telling about how people’s hidden sides: they come on here to be purposely vile.

I find it's pretty calm apart from AIBU, Relationships and the Covid sections.

And wow, seven pages and you’re all still going on about the word ‘hysterical’. If you don’t like it, don’t give people cause to use it.