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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

who is being unreasonable here?

67 replies

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 16:52

I am Person C and know Person A&B well, they are my family.

Person A was asked to suggest some ideas for what they want for an xmas present. They suggested two possible things for person B to choose from, this is what Person A&B routinely do though Person A usually says they don't want anything. Person B was asked to suggest some ideas too and did so. Person A is trying to avoid shops so orders two of the suggestions and wraps them ready for Xmas.

Person B contacts Person A and tells them they have transferred the money (about £20) in Person A's bank account and to go and buy one of them items themselves. Person B says that Xmas is going to be dull as everybody will have had their presents. Person B is going about their business as normal and going shopping whenever they feel like it.

Person A has now got the money in their bank but has depression and low self esteem and doesn't buy themselves anything. They have put the money in their savings account to be used when they need to buy their children something/for a rainy day instead of buying the item they suggested. Person B knows that Person A has form for never buying themselves anything and not spending money given to them on themselves. Last time Person B did this then Person A used the money to go towards school shoes.

Person A,B and C will be seeing each other on Xmas Day if Covid allows. They all live within two miles of each other in the same town. They are all approximately the same age and none of them have specific health issues that stop them from going shopping. All 3 are single, Person A and C have children, Person B doesn't. Person A doesn't enjoy shopping at all, Person B is at the shops most weeks.

Is Person A being unreasonable not buying the item or is Person B being unreasonable for not going and buying it when she goes shopping and wrapping it up to give on Xmas Day/dropped off with Person B if seeing each other on Xmas Day is not possible due to Covid.

YABU/Yes - Person A should use the money to buy what Person B has given it to them for.
YANBU/No - Person B should have bought them item and wrapped it up to give to Person A at Xmas.

I have had both Person A and Person B complaining about the other person, A thinks it would be nice if B went to the effort of buying it and wrapping it. B thinks A should just order it herself and get it delivered to her home.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 16/10/2020 16:54

You are unreasonable for using person a, b and c in your post. Wink

pooopypants · 16/10/2020 16:54

This made my head hurt.

HappyDinosaur · 16/10/2020 16:55

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable, but they should stop complaining.

SeaToSki · 16/10/2020 16:56

I think there is just too much drama and everyone should just relax and try to stop controlling what other people want/think/do

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2020 16:57

I think yabu for even giving this nonsense headspace.

VettiyaIruken · 16/10/2020 16:57

If I was person c, I'd ask a for the money b gave them then buy them the gift and wrap it. It's a nice little thing to do.

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 16:58

@PurpleDaisies

You are unreasonable for using person a, b and c in your post. Wink
OK. Person A - Tom, Person B - Dick, Person C - Harry.

Better? Grin

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 16/10/2020 16:59

Sound like hard work - I couldn't follow A and B but they should buy for the children if they -don't have the imagination to- can't think of what to buy each other. Christmas gifts amongst adults should be a treat, something you wouldn't buy for yourself.

CoRhona · 16/10/2020 17:00

Truly and without being rude, who cares?

B has provided the money. A can do with it (or not) what they like. Neither are wrong.

ComicePear · 16/10/2020 17:01

They're both being a bit unreasonable! Person B should have bought the present for Person A and not just transferred the money. But it sounds like Person A is being a bit of a martyr about the situation. They may not want to go to the shops but they could easily order something online.

flaviaritt · 16/10/2020 17:01

It’s hard to follow, OP.

Sally872 · 16/10/2020 17:01

Transferring £20 is not the same as giving a gift! Even without covid making Person A avoid shops, and without person A struggling to buy for themselves and having depression though all of these factors make person B even more wrong.

CooperLooper · 16/10/2020 17:04

I think it's pretty lazy of Person B to transfer money and not go to the effort of buying and wrapping.

However you're all being unreasonable for this much Christmas drama in October IMO!

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 17:04

@Alexandernevermind

Sound like hard work - I couldn't follow A and B but they should buy for the children if they -don't have the imagination to- can't think of what to buy each other. Christmas gifts amongst adults should be a treat, something you wouldn't buy for yourself.
They are hard work and I'm the pig in the middle
OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/10/2020 17:04

I would say B is unreasonable for just sending money rather than buying the gift.

CalmdownJanet · 16/10/2020 17:04

B should have bought the gift and wrapped it, she was a lazy and a bit rude it A sounds like a martyr and a bit of a pain in the hole so I judge they are both wrong. Just stop doing gifts when it gets to shit like this happening

Sally872 · 16/10/2020 17:05

Also why did B ask what A wanted if she was transferring money?

mysteryfairy · 16/10/2020 17:05

Sounds pretty tedious and transactional all round, perhaps they should just drop xmas gifts seeing as they seem to be utterly lacking in any joy

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 17:07

@Sally872

Also why did B ask what A wanted if she was transferring money?
God only knows. B is a law unto herself.
OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 16/10/2020 17:08

Person C is unreasonable for using algebra instead of words!

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 17:10

@ZoeTurtle

Person C is unreasonable for using algebra instead of words!
Yeah I'll take that. See above - Tom, Dick and Harry (Other names are available). Grin
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 16/10/2020 17:12

Yeah I'll take that. See above - Tom, Dick and Harry (Other names are available).

You need to go back and find and replace person A, B and C in your opening post so it can be read without the need to draw a diagram.

punkypurple · 16/10/2020 17:15

@PurpleDaisies

Yeah I'll take that. See above - Tom, Dick and Harry (Other names are available).

You need to go back and find and replace person A, B and C in your opening post so it can be read without the need to draw a diagram.

As soon as MN add a free edit function then I will Grin
OP posts:
Tarantallegra · 16/10/2020 17:15

Person B is being unreasonable as it's the thought that counts with gifts and sending money shows no thought at all.

Porridgeoat · 16/10/2020 17:17

B gave cash, that’s fine however its also fine for A to purchase or not purchase the item discussed as A would need to go out of her way to coordinate her own gift