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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about DD

60 replies

TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:10

When I picked up my daughter from school she seemed down, but I know Thursdays aren't good days for lessons at her school according to her and her brother so I just assumed she was a bit bored and would perk up when we got home. Usually my DD (aged 13) and my DS (almost 12) go out skateboarding around the block together when they come home from school. Today when we were back at home I asked when they would go skating and my DD replied with "not today, there's too many people from school around" This is when I started to worry something had happened at school because normally she isn't bothered about what people think and although she doesn't like school, she's never had a problem with the people there. I've asked her if anything has happened today and she's just said she's a little tired. She's been quiet all evening which is really out of the ordinary. I've asked my DS if anything happened today as they go to the same school and he said when he came out of school loads of boys were laughing and he heard a few of them say her name. After we had tea, DD asked if she could stay home tomorrow. When I asked why she said "no reason I'm just a bit fed up of it"
She went to bed 45 minutes ago which is also unusual for her as she's 13, she normally goes to bed at 9. I don't want to nag her about it but there's definitely something up and I'm really worried about her. I'm sure something has happened today that she isn't telling me and I don't know what it could be if she doesn't want to tell me. I'm also debating whether to let her stay at home tomorrow just to rest or if I should make her go to school as usual.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:11

Sorry for the long post

OP posts:
Storyoftonight · 15/10/2020 21:13

You need to get to the bottom of this , OP. Speak to her in the morning. Don't just let her stay off school though .

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 21:16

Well on the upside OP it probably isn't something really serious. Probably something embarrassing happened. That said I would want to get to the bottom of it too. Poor DD and poor you, it's horrible when our kids are upset.

Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:17

@Storyoftonight
I know, I really don't know what to do about this. I don't know whether I should contact the school because I don't actually know what has happened, I can just tell something isn't right.

OP posts:
Time4change2018 · 15/10/2020 21:18

You know your DD, if she never normally asks for the day off and you're about tomorrow to be with her and get to the bottom of it then I would. I'd not leave it though or her alone, whatever is playing on her mind needs sorting.
If you send her in call and ask to speak to HoY, mentor or similar that can have a word / may know what's going on.
Is she on social media and do you have access ?

Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:21

She doesn't have any snapchat instagram or things like that as she isn't interested. She's just got WhatsApp on her phone which gets taken an hour before she goes to bed.

OP posts:
Goosefoot · 15/10/2020 21:22

I agree there is something bothering her, and it could be serious or it could be less so.

I think maybe the best you can do is tell her you know she is bothered, and you'd like her to tell you about it, and that maybe you can help, and that even if it's something she feels she made a bad mistake about we all make mistakes.
But she may not tell you, and trying to force it might be counterproductive.
Calling the school could be an option but difficult to say if it would help much. If they know and it is serious chances are they would call you.

supersky · 15/10/2020 21:25

Try and speak to her in the morning or maybe now if she isn't asleep, once you know what it's about you'll have an idea of what to do. Hopefully it's nothing serious and you can reassure her

foodtoorder · 15/10/2020 21:30

I would give her the day off but use the time to find out what's going on. If it is something small it will have blown over by Monday either way listening to her and reassuring her she can rely on you/talk to you would be a good move. Do something nice together if you can. Teenage life is tough.

Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:33

@foodtoorder
I'd like to let her stay at home tomorrow, but we were self isolating a few weeks ago so her attendance isn't the best, and my 2 year old son will be at home with me tomorrow. I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
tealjourneys · 15/10/2020 21:40

It can be hard being a teenager at times, sometimes they need a day off just to de-stress. Maybe see how she is in the morning? If she's not usually one to ask for a day off I'd be concerned too.

Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:42

@tealjourneys
I hated being a teen. I wouldn't give anything to do it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 21:42

If she still wants to stay at home in the morning I think I'll let her

OP posts:
emptyplinth · 15/10/2020 21:44

Give her the day off Wink
It's been a crap year all round, I' d bloody hate to be 13 right now.
Hope you get it sorted out Tina

Littleposh · 15/10/2020 21:46

She might just be tired or a bit off colour??

msflibble · 15/10/2020 21:48

I think you'd be right to let her stay off OP. Let her get a bit of headspace. Maybe you can gently prise the situation out of her as well.
Being a teenage girl sucks. Really feel for her and for you. Am dreading the teenage years for my daughter.

VeggieSausageRoll · 15/10/2020 21:49

Go up and see her. If she's asleep, great, but she may be sat up there stewing over something

ImSleepingBeauty · 15/10/2020 21:50

I’d also let her have the day off but stress it’s one day.
I’d tell her I’m concerned and thinking about contacting the school and see how she reacts. Maybe it’ll encourage her to open up.

LynetteScavo · 15/10/2020 21:51

If you let her stay home try to get to the bottom
of it in a gentle way. Then email who ever is responsible for her at school to let them know it's not all going smoothly.

Sally872 · 15/10/2020 22:00

If she is self motivated and hard working then yes a day off is fine. If I allowed my dd a day off she would be looking for another one ASAP.

Understand your concern hopefully she opens up soon, it is not anything too serious and blows over quickly.

Scweltish · 15/10/2020 22:01

I actually disagree with letting her stay off. If something embarrassing has happened then it’s natural she’s going to want to avoid it, but she’s going to have to show her face at school at some point. Better to get it over with than sit at home and worry and fret. She’s already had 6 months off, and you say her attendance has been bad in the few weeks she’s been back in

Storyoftonight · 15/10/2020 22:02

Careful with the days off , OP. If you have a son of a similar age this may open a can of worms.

Original poster
TinaTraybake · 15/10/2020 22:03

Just been up to see her. I think she was asleep, maybe pretending but she opened her eyes and I asked how things were at school, she said she'd just had a tough day and wasn't feeling great. I'm pretty sure something else happened that she isn't telling me though. I've left her to sleep now.

OP posts:
LtJudyHopps · 15/10/2020 22:08

If she goes in can your son keep an eye on her? I’d encourage her to go in, it’s only one day and then the weekend.
If it’s any consolation I’ve felt really down today. All the constant talk of lockdowns and restrictions is making me anxious and I’ve felt crap all day. It could be she just needed an early night and she’ll feel better tomorrow.

Sally872 · 15/10/2020 22:08

That's positive she has admitted she has had a tough day and not feeling great. I am sure if she wanted/needed to say more she would have. I can understand how hard it is not knowing details but well done for following her lead and letting her sleep.