DS punched in face at school

[isolationagain]

Hi,
DS is 11 and has just started at the local comp in year 7. He's never been in trouble and has never hit anyone or been hit by anyone. He's generally a happy go lucky boy who is kind to others.

School pastoral staff called me today at 2pm to say there has been an incident during lunchtime when the boys were playing football and that my DS had had his lip and mouth hurt. I asked if he had actually been punched (as it sounded like it ) and they said that they weren't there and that he wasn't in the room to ask but that no, she thought it was the accidental result of a football incident. He had had an ice pack on his mouth and returned to class.

DS got home and said actually he did a bad football tackle on another child, whereupon the other boy stood up and punched him in the face! This was apparently in front of a member of staff who called them both over. They've both had to go to separate areas and write their own reports of what has happened and who witnessed it. The other child was sent to see the Head of Year and to write his report. My child was sent to the medical room to do the same.

I am not daft enough to believe every word my child says is gospel, but at the same time he has never hit or hurt anyone in any setting to my knowledge.

School behaviour policy online states that fighting is a "stage four" offence (the most serious) and will result in detentions and loss of house points, but that "physical assault " will be treated more seriously than any of the stated 'stages' and can result in exclusion.

AIBU to email the Head of Year and ask what has happened, and ask for appropriate sanctions to be taken for what sounds like a physical assault? Or is this being over the top and will mark me out as one of "those parents"?

I appreciate that a bad football tackle can hurt the other person but this is not something that DS has done on purpose and certainly I expect for the other party to be controlled enough not to punch someone in the face because of it. A shove and shouting at the person, yes...but a punch in the face hard enough to make the mouth swell and lip bleed? Do schools take this sort of thing seriously or am I being precious?

Thanks all.

Schools take it very seriously usually but you won't be able to find out what sanctions have been given because it's not actually any of your business.

Of course, your ds will hear at school what has happened to the other boy and will probably tell you.

I wouldn’t steam in. What exactly does he mean by a “bad tackle”? And how did he not do it on purpose?
Sounds like they got heated and the other child completely overreacted. Should be taken seriously certainly.
You can’t ask for the other child to be punished in a certain way I’m afraid.

What do you want them to do beyond what they're already doing and what they've already outlined will happen at the conclusion of their investigation?

Not only are you being OTT they will.absolutely not discuss the other kids punishment with you. They certainly will not take your recomendations

I would contact the school too op. If DS doesn’t have form for violence. Also DS was open about the bad tackle, it makes me feel his account of the punch is correct too.

The school should take this seriously. They will ask other witnesses for their accounts as well. Ring the head of year in a few days when they've had chance to look into things and speak to other students.

I think you are jumping the gun so YABU as you havent given the school chance to deal with it yet.

Sounds like wrong on both sides so I would let it go.

As PP have said they won't punish the other child in accordance with what you say but it does sound as if you don't have a clear picture what happened and you absolutely have the right to that. Push this further , OP.

You won't be told what happens to the other child, and tbh it does sound like the school are taking it seriously.

I'd leave it, especially as it was in response to an action from your son (not a criticism, just pointing out he wasn't just standing there and was randomly punched).

Your son instigated it. I’m confused as to why you don’t expect him to be punished for that.

My son was assaulted recently too. A bit more than what happened to your son but there was also a week of bullying on the run up to the incident.

School did take it seriously but it's beyond frustrating that they can’t tell you what punishment (or not!) is handed out. All we could do was push to make sure they kept an eye on this boy to make sure he wasn’t able to continue his bullying or to hit him again.

We did find out what his punishment was in the end as children talk. We weren’t happy with it and with the encouragement of my sons guidance teacher we went down the police route.

I wouldn’t leave it if I were you. No need to go in angry, or making demands, but you do need to make sure the school are working with the correct version of events and ask questions.

Like you say a bit of shoving, a tussle sort of thing would be typical of their ages but a punch to the face is way over the line.

@SimplyPizza

Your son instigated it. I’m confused as to why you don’t expect him to be punished for that.

A 'bad ' tackle - no one seems clear on what happened here, in fairness - isn't an instigation for a physical assault.

"Your son instigated it. I’m confused as to why you don’t expect him to be punished for that."

My son was playing football. He said he did a tackle that wasn't a good one. But he doesn't do bad tackles intentionally, sometimes in football you don't get the ball and it goes wrong. But if a bad tackle happens playing football you appear to be saying that it's fine to stand up and punch the other player in the face! Seriously, who does that? Who condones that? I could understand if the other boy shoved at my son or shouted at him, or both. But punching him in the face as a response? Not ok in my book.

Seems to be a mixed bag of opinions on this one. I'm going to give it a few days as has been suggested to allow the school to make their own investigation and will contact them mid week. In the meantime I'm going to ask DS more about his bad tackle.

Yanbu at all.
Unfortunately a lot of the people on mumsnet seem to revel in their ignorance of football.
Assuming you tackle was mistimed or overly strong it certainly is not acceptable for your son to be punched for that. Though, as you say, it’s not unreasonable for the other boy to be angry.

In our school, any physical contact results in a suspension from school for a day.

If it was right in front of a teacher, I think you have to trust them to deal with it on this occasion.
I suspect the tackle was slightly more malicious than your son is letting on (I say this as a scout leader who has seen how teens play 'friendly' football.)
That doesn't make being punched okay, but it sounds like the school are dealing with it.

If it happens again, then I think it would warrant a chat with his form teacher to see if something more serious is going on.

Is there any reason you don’t trust the school to deal with it appropriately. I appreciate he is your son and you want it dealt with but there is nothing to say it won’t be.

hope your son is okay OP. sounds like a complete overreaction from the other boy. like you said, understandable to be angry to a point but when you play a sports, especially a contact sport, the understanding that you could potentially be injured is always there. not saying it's a nice clause but those not mature enough to deal with it shouldn't be playing in the first place.

Has anyone looked at the VAR?

"Is there any reason you don’t trust the school to deal with it appropriately. I appreciate he is your son and you want it dealt with but there is nothing to say it won’t be."

As explained in my OP, he is in year seven of the comp, so has been there only a few weeks. So I have no idea whether the school has form for dealing with such incidents appropriately or inappropriately. And I don't know any parents with kids higher up the school to ask. So I am unsure whether they are a school who follows through with such incidents or one that tries to deny it happens in their school. I am long in the tooth enough to know there are both types of school and both types of response.

And secondly this has never happened to him before, so I am unsure of protocol and whether this is considered normal / a rite of passage or whether I should be asking the school to intervene.

You'll find out what happens to the other boy through gossip. The kids aren't stupid and will know if he's been put in detentions or suspended.

My DD was physically assaulted in y7 and, whilst we weren't told what punishment the boys in question were given, it was pretty obvious to the kids that they'd been suspended for 2 days.

It wont be dealt with instantly. Schools have lots of things to deal with and this will be on a list of things that need doing. I'd leave it until Monday and then contact school

You say the other boy was sent to HT. That means school is dealing with it. I would trust the school.

My son was also punched at school after a case of bullying, school Head of Year told me it would be dealt with and taken seriously, wouldn't be able to tell me the punishment (which I knew was policy anyway) but my son found out that the other child had been in isolation for two days as punishment. However, if I'd felt the school hadn't taken it seriously then of course I would contact the school for a discussion on the matter.