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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS punched in face at school

80 replies

isolationagain · 15/10/2020 17:10

Hi,
DS is 11 and has just started at the local comp in year 7. He's never been in trouble and has never hit anyone or been hit by anyone. He's generally a happy go lucky boy who is kind to others.

School pastoral staff called me today at 2pm to say there has been an incident during lunchtime when the boys were playing football and that my DS had had his lip and mouth hurt. I asked if he had actually been punched (as it sounded like it ) and they said that they weren't there and that he wasn't in the room to ask but that no, she thought it was the accidental result of a football incident. He had had an ice pack on his mouth and returned to class.

DS got home and said actually he did a bad football tackle on another child, whereupon the other boy stood up and punched him in the face! This was apparently in front of a member of staff who called them both over. They've both had to go to separate areas and write their own reports of what has happened and who witnessed it. The other child was sent to see the Head of Year and to write his report. My child was sent to the medical room to do the same.

I am not daft enough to believe every word my child says is gospel, but at the same time he has never hit or hurt anyone in any setting to my knowledge.

School behaviour policy online states that fighting is a "stage four" offence (the most serious) and will result in detentions and loss of house points, but that "physical assault " will be treated more seriously than any of the stated 'stages' and can result in exclusion.

AIBU to email the Head of Year and ask what has happened, and ask for appropriate sanctions to be taken for what sounds like a physical assault? Or is this being over the top and will mark me out as one of "those parents"?

I appreciate that a bad football tackle can hurt the other person but this is not something that DS has done on purpose and certainly I expect for the other party to be controlled enough not to punch someone in the face because of it. A shove and shouting at the person, yes...but a punch in the face hard enough to make the mouth swell and lip bleed? Do schools take this sort of thing seriously or am I being precious?

Thanks all.

OP posts:

Flowerpot345 · 15/10/2020 22:39

I would give them a ring tomorrow about what happened.

I can understand your concern with him with him only just starting the school being in year 7, and something like this happens.
Secondary school is a massive difference to primary and such a big change for them.
My son was punched in the first week I didnt even get a phone call.
Its a horrible time worrying how they are getting on.
kids can be horrible, so can 'adults' unfortunately, ignore the stupid comments on here OP.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/10/2020 22:39

@SimplyPizza

I can’t believe some of the comments on here, literally downplaying the fact that the son of the OP was the one that started all of this.

Have you ever seen a game of football? And professional football is pretty tame compared to junior or amateur etc. You should see the injuries dp comes home with sometimes, he doesn't get to go punch the person in the face because they tackled him and he got hurt, on or off the pitch. Its sport, it happens.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/10/2020 22:41

Sorry @TwistAndTout, I read the beginning of your post wrong, didn't see the "Yeah" in agreement

perfume577943 · 15/10/2020 22:45

YANBU at all!

perfume577943 · 15/10/2020 22:47

@MitziK

A bad tackle can break legs, no matter how innocently done. The other kid is likely to have reacted out of pure instinct and pain, which is not an offence deserving of exclusion - and, as there was a member of staff present, it may well be that it looked more like a deliberate hatchet job and the smack in the face was well earned.

Even the calmest, most easygoing kid (or adult) can change into somebody unrecognisable once you get into sports. I'd try and trust the school on this, as they were actually there.

Wonder if you'd be saying this if it was your son who got punched

SimplyPizza · 15/10/2020 22:51

It doesn’t really matter what differences there are between professional, junior and amateur, nor what injuries your DP happens to come home with, the OPs son is 11 years old and playing football at school casually. He should not be making any sort of sliding tackles that could seriously injure somebody else. I don’t condone either behaviour but raising an eyebrow to the comments left painting the son in a sympathetic and innocent light when he started the whole thing with the aggressive tackle.

perfume577943 · 15/10/2020 22:51

Ignore the ridiculous comments and go with your instinct as a mother to protect your child. He didn't deserve to be punched and the other child clearly thinks this is okay and normal behaviour (like some of the posters on here do🥴). If it was me I'd be emailing/calling with no worries as to if you look like 'that parent', who cares what they think they're not your friends or family

Herja · 15/10/2020 22:57

@SimplyPizza

I can’t believe some of the comments on here, literally downplaying the fact that the son of the OP was the one that started all of this.

Imagine I'm out running, accidentally catch you with my elbow by careless passing and knock you over. You get back up and punch me in the face. Or I accidentally rear end you while driving - we both get out and you punch me in the face.

See how, there, I could cause you accidental injury and yet you would still be legally and morally wrong to punch me in the face? It's the same thing. Still wrong in school, in the same way it is out of school and for adults too.

Unless you have just decided for some reason that it was a deliberate bad tackle, but there's no reason to think that at all. That's just stupid or shit stirring.

Doveyouknow · 15/10/2020 23:02

It sounds like the school are dealing with it and the boy in question was sent to the head of year. I am not sure you need to contact the school, they won’t tell you what the sanction is in any case. As people have said, I am sure your son will find out soon enough in any case.

BigChocFrenzy · 15/10/2020 23:10

@SimplyPizza

... "He should not be making any sort of sliding tackles that could seriously injure somebody else."

He obviously didn't - or the other boy wouldn't have been able to get up and punch him

Accidents happen in contact sports
If someone reacts by punching someone in the face for it, then they normally get punished severely

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/10/2020 00:09

He should not be making any sort of sliding tackles that could seriously injure somebody else. I don’t condone either behaviour but raising an eyebrow to the comments left painting the son in a sympathetic and innocent light when he started the whole thing with the aggressive tackle.

Who said it was sliding, or aggressive. Youre just making stuff up now.
No matter what injury someone gets on the field, they should not retaliate with a punch in the face!

TwistAndTout · 16/10/2020 00:21

If you can't handle a physical contact sport without punching people in the face, you shouldn't be playing.

TwistAndTout · 16/10/2020 00:21

Unless it's boxing I guess.

seayork2020 · 16/10/2020 00:44

@TwistAndTout

If you can't handle a physical contact sport without punching people in the face, you shouldn't be playing.

Yeah pretty much this.

Op I think I would feel exactly as you do, I try and remain neutral when I things from school about DS I don't automatically take his side or the other persons I just and look at it objectively, but in this case yes I would be wanting to have more information and I agree the way the child reacted is not on.

I would not shout, punish or get angry as my DS but I would also want this looked into overall - hard to word what I am trying to say really

Nat6999 · 16/10/2020 00:47

Same thing happened to ds, group of boys were throwing a bottle round at break, ds caught it & threw it to next one but due to dyspraxia the bottle hit the boy on the head. Boy punched ds in the face, ds fell & banged his head & was knocked out briefly. I got a phone call could I pick up ds as there had been "an incident" wouldn't tell me what had happened, arrived at school, ds was white as a ghost with a black eye, shirt covered in blood, his nose had bled. When ds told me what had happened I rang school & after HOY tried to sweep it under the carpet I went ballistic, ds & boy had to write reports on what happened, boy was only given a 1 day in school exclusion.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/10/2020 00:53

If it is a one off I would wait a day or two and see what happens and if your ds is ok with what had been done.

I would also try to find out how often your ds "bad tackles", some kids are known for doing these way too often and finding it amusing as they get away with it. It is dangerous and painful, and other kids can get frustrated and will eventually retaliate.

Italiangreyhound · 16/10/2020 01:10

OP this would really upset me, too.

And after the fact my son was punched would be that a member of school staff called me to tell me about it and didn't seem to know what had happened.

I'd just want to be clear about what the school thought had happened and to make sure we were all singing from the same song sheet.

MoonJelly · 16/10/2020 01:22

You can't ask about sanctions imposed on the other child but you can ask what steps they will be taking to ensure your child is kept safe, including keeping him away from the other child who seems to resort to violence rather too easily.

Leannethom85 · 16/10/2020 02:15

Seems unsportsmanship to punch someone because they were tackled that's the sort of behaviour that would have players banned from playing ever again in a team... Did the teacher not witness this? If not what was he doing... I'd be questioning why the teacher wasn't watching the kids...

raddledoldmisanthropist · 16/10/2020 02:29

as there was a member of staff present, it may well be that it looked more like a deliberate hatchet job and the smack in the face was well earned.

Christ I hope you don't work with kids (or have them for that matter).

wombat1a · 16/10/2020 02:45

Hmm, a bad tackle, I suspect it was a bit more than a bad tackle in order to get that overreaction. There is the possibility that everyone who witnessed it thought your son was deliberately trying to hurt the other boy under the cover of 'a bad tackle'.

It sounds like the school is dealing with it.

HappyDinosaur · 16/10/2020 05:35

Sounds like the school are being very fair ensuring they know exactly what happened. No your child shouldn't be hit, but I suspect there is more to the bad tackle than he is letting on. I think I would contact the school but not in an accusatory way. I would say I want to know what's happened between the boys and what is being done to teach them that this is inappropriate behaviour all round. Remember, you only have one side of the story so you need to know the truth before anything else.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2020 06:03

I wouldn’t wait until mid next week. That’s too long. Your ds will probably find out today what happened to the other boy. If nothing or there is animosity or no apology, you can perhaps call the school at 3.30 and ask for an update. Failing that, Monday.

SimplyPizza · 16/10/2020 09:28

A bad tackle could easily break someone’s ankle or leave them unable to walk again so I don’t think the son of the OP is blameless in this. If it was the other OP saying my son broke his legs at school and can never play football again because another player slide tackled into him I’m sure people would be more understanding.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/10/2020 09:47

No, injury is a risk you take in sport.

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