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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS punched in face at school

80 replies

isolationagain · 15/10/2020 17:10

Hi,
DS is 11 and has just started at the local comp in year 7. He's never been in trouble and has never hit anyone or been hit by anyone. He's generally a happy go lucky boy who is kind to others.

School pastoral staff called me today at 2pm to say there has been an incident during lunchtime when the boys were playing football and that my DS had had his lip and mouth hurt. I asked if he had actually been punched (as it sounded like it ) and they said that they weren't there and that he wasn't in the room to ask but that no, she thought it was the accidental result of a football incident. He had had an ice pack on his mouth and returned to class.

DS got home and said actually he did a bad football tackle on another child, whereupon the other boy stood up and punched him in the face! This was apparently in front of a member of staff who called them both over. They've both had to go to separate areas and write their own reports of what has happened and who witnessed it. The other child was sent to see the Head of Year and to write his report. My child was sent to the medical room to do the same.

I am not daft enough to believe every word my child says is gospel, but at the same time he has never hit or hurt anyone in any setting to my knowledge.

School behaviour policy online states that fighting is a "stage four" offence (the most serious) and will result in detentions and loss of house points, but that "physical assault " will be treated more seriously than any of the stated 'stages' and can result in exclusion.

AIBU to email the Head of Year and ask what has happened, and ask for appropriate sanctions to be taken for what sounds like a physical assault? Or is this being over the top and will mark me out as one of "those parents"?

I appreciate that a bad football tackle can hurt the other person but this is not something that DS has done on purpose and certainly I expect for the other party to be controlled enough not to punch someone in the face because of it. A shove and shouting at the person, yes...but a punch in the face hard enough to make the mouth swell and lip bleed? Do schools take this sort of thing seriously or am I being precious?

Thanks all.

OP posts:
raddledoldmisanthropist · 15/10/2020 19:07

I'm going to give it a few days as has been suggested to allow the school to make their own investigation and will contact them mid week.

I'm a teacher and I would either phone tomorrow or leave it, sanctions should be quick then done- they won't be anywhere the kinds of stuff which takes several days this early in the year.

Normally I would say leave them to it but when he has been criminally assaulted I would certainly check because you are trusting them to deal with it instead of calling the police as you would outside school.

The statement writing strongly suggests the staff member was doing it properly because a serious sanction was going to be applied which would require management involvement. That's not a detention, nor should it be for unprovoked assault causing injury.

There is nothing wrong with asking that a) the facts have been established and b) an appropriate level of sanction is underway. You don't need to know any other details- the policy seems clear.

Dawnlassie · 15/10/2020 19:08

I think the most important thing is the two children get together and apologise for each of their parts in the indicent. Your son has only recently started in the school. I doubt he wants any long term hassle caused by you pushing the school to discipline the other child in a given way.

Hopefully the other child has calmed and accepts the apology and offers likewise. If not then just advice your lad avoids confrontation with them.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/10/2020 19:18

Seems like a lot of people on here don't understand how football works Confused. Bad tackles happen, people get accidentally hurt, that doesn't mean that person can get up and punch the other in the face!

bitheby · 15/10/2020 19:19

@ViciousJackdaw

Has anyone looked at the VAR?

Most underrated commentGrin

MitziK · 15/10/2020 19:26

A bad tackle can break legs, no matter how innocently done. The other kid is likely to have reacted out of pure instinct and pain, which is not an offence deserving of exclusion - and, as there was a member of staff present, it may well be that it looked more like a deliberate hatchet job and the smack in the face was well earned.

Even the calmest, most easygoing kid (or adult) can change into somebody unrecognisable once you get into sports. I'd try and trust the school on this, as they were actually there.

cherrybun01 · 15/10/2020 19:33

@MitziK shouldnt be playing the game if your instinct is to punch someone in the face afterwards - as myself and others have pointed out when you play a contact sport there is a chance you will sustain an injury at some point. for his own sake as much as anyone elses, the perpetrator here needs this to be taken seriously so it can be avoided in the future.

flaviaritt · 15/10/2020 19:35

I would want to know exactly what the school is claiming happened, and yes, if I thought my son had been assaulted I would want to know what they were doing about it.

flaviaritt · 15/10/2020 19:36

The other kid is likely to have reacted out of pure instinct and pain, which is not an offence deserving of exclusion

God, what a dreadful mess we’re in if this is considered a normal reaction in team sports to a painful tackle. He shouldn’t be playing if he can’t control his temper.

MitziK · 15/10/2020 19:41

@flaviaritt

The other kid is likely to have reacted out of pure instinct and pain, which is not an offence deserving of exclusion

God, what a dreadful mess we’re in if this is considered a normal reaction in team sports to a painful tackle. He shouldn’t be playing if he can’t control his temper.

Maybe. But if somebody can't tackle without stuffing it up or thinks they're a modern day Vinnie Jones, they probably shouldn't be on the pitch either.

I used to play hockey and shinty. They're hard games as well.

flaviaritt · 15/10/2020 19:42

But if somebody can't tackle without stuffing it up or thinks they're a modern day Vinnie Jones, they probably shouldn't be on the pitch either.

They’re learning. It wasn’t deliberate. But punching someone in the face is, and simply is not acceptable.

TwistAndTout · 15/10/2020 19:42

Seems like a lot of people on here don't understand how football works confused. Bad tackles happen, people get accidentally hurt, that doesn't mean that person can get up and punch the other in the face!

Yeah jesus, this is one of the dumbest threads I've ever read on here. OP's DS "instigated it"?? Shut up. Bad tackles happen sometimes in football. It's not deliberate and does not warrant a punch in the face.

But OP I don't see why you need to call up, it's not like you've any reason to think the other kid isn't being punished.

cherrybun01 · 15/10/2020 19:43

@MitziK that's a ridiculous comment - even the most professional footballers in the world sometimes mess up their challenges.

InFiveMins · 15/10/2020 19:52

You are seriously overreacting. Sounds like things got a little overheated - I really wouldn't be taking it any further, they are just young lads messing about. As long as your son isn't being bullied by this boy, I would leave it.

MitziK · 15/10/2020 19:57

[quote cherrybun01]@MitziK that's a ridiculous comment - even the most professional footballers in the world sometimes mess up their challenges.[/quote]
And sometimes they end other's careers in the process or get involved in a punchup as a result of hurting somebody. Because they're human. They don't lose their livelihoods (unless they're the one on the receiving end of the hatchet job), they just get a red card and possibly a couple of matches' worth of a ban.

In this case, we aren't even talking about adults, we're talking about adolescents with their biologically predetermined surges in Dopamine that affect their ability to make rational judgements and risktaking behaviour. Peak time for scraps on the pitch (and off).

This kind of stuff happens, especially on the fields. And it's being dealt with by the school in the way they feel is most effective.

TwistAndTout · 15/10/2020 20:04

This kind of stuff happens, especially on the fields. And it's being dealt with by the school in the way they feel is most effective

It does happen. Lots of people have problems controlling their tempers. But nobody ever says the puncher was justified. They get punished appropriately and everyone agrees they were in the wrong.

Except you, apparently.

lljkk · 15/10/2020 20:09

Bad tackle might look like deliberate assault to someone else. I hope OP's son is ok and would try to let school sort this out without me getting involved.

Soulstirring · 15/10/2020 20:10

I’m shocked at some of the responses. If it was a tackle as stated then an accident - don’t play football otherwise. To purposely hit someone in the face is assault and I’d be asking the school for an update immediately. I’d like to know their version of events.

They won’t discuss the child in person but can say what actions have been taken. It’s not acceptable and needs addressing.

Mellonsprite · 15/10/2020 20:13

Sounds like they were both in the wrong. I’d expect the boy who punched to get a more severe punishment though.
Im not trying to excuse punching but Football in the school yard can be a bit dangerous, there’s no shin pads for a start and kids who aren’t coached in teams join in and can do crunching tackles or go in too late, then of course there’s all the hormones and bravado in the mix. All are ripe conditions for a bit of a fight.

SimplyPizza · 15/10/2020 21:53

I can’t believe some of the comments on here, literally downplaying the fact that the son of the OP was the one that started all of this.

converseandjeans · 15/10/2020 22:10

I find it baffling that children are supposed to put up with this type of thing. Imagine in your place of work you accidentally knock into a colleague then pow they punch you in the face. I reckon most adults would want it dealing with.

If this happened outside of school I'm pretty sure it would be classed as some sort of assault.

I don't know however what to advise as if you get involved & it gets out you made a fuss - then this other boy might target your DS.

FunDragon · 15/10/2020 22:12

literally downplaying the fact that the son of the OP was the one that started all of this.

By ACCIDENT.

And teaching the whole ‘he started it, it’s his fault’ attitude is abysmal parenting by the way. It doesn’t matter who ‘started’ it. When in the adult world do you get to punch someone in the face for making a mistake?

bottlenose301 · 15/10/2020 22:20

Definitely trust and see what the school do. There's bad clumsy tackles and there's violent leg breaking reckless tackles. I play football and it's hard to keep cool when you're on the end of the latter. Obviously w don't know that's what happened and violence should never be condoned and it's not right to be punched. But just see what happens, I'm sure it will be dealt with appropriately.

FunDragon · 15/10/2020 22:21

I find it baffling that children are supposed to put up with this type of thing. Imagine in your place of work you accidentally knock into a colleague then pow they punch you in the face. I reckon most adults would want it dealing with.

Oh no, you’re misinformed. It’s fine for adults to punch someone if they ‘started it’. You know, like when someone accidentally bashes into you on the tube and you turn round and punch them in the mouth?

Waveysnail · 15/10/2020 22:25

A bad tackle could be anything from being clumsy to deliberately hacking the other child.

And you dont even know what sanctions have been put in place against this other child and it's not your place to demand sanctions. You know nothing about this other child. If you dont trust the school to deal with this then why send your child there?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/10/2020 22:35

@TwistAndTout I'm not sure why you highlighted my post, said this is the dumbest thread ever, then went on to say the same as me Confused

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