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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve finally realised how much people judge based on looks, so I’ve decided to hell with it and to use it to my adavantage

71 replies

Lardlizard · 15/10/2020 14:37

I know it’s not very feminist, but it’s dawned on me in recent years how differently people treat you when your wearing nice clothes and your hair and make up is done
So I’ve decided to just rembrace it and to just go with it

It is the way it is
So might as well make the most of the situation

OP posts:
Whosthatgirlitsjess · 15/10/2020 14:46

Feminism gives women the choice. You don't have to wear skirts and heels and are allowed to wear trousers and trainers. It's your choice.

WhatzTheCraic · 15/10/2020 14:48

Good for you OP, but I'm the opposite. There must be people out there who don't judge on looks and I would rather hold out for them (even if it is like searching for a needle in a haystack).

Original poster
Lardlizard · 15/10/2020 14:48

Whatz I don’t mean the people close to me, I mean the wider world

OP posts:
Flyonthewall01 · 15/10/2020 14:53

Are you saying you are actively dressing to be sexually appealing to get better treatment from men or just making more of an effort ie. Not dressed in your scruffs with hair in a messy ponytail? If the latter its nothing to do with feminism anyway

Original poster
Lardlizard · 15/10/2020 14:55

Yes the latter, although I never put my hair in a Ponytail !!

OP posts:
Janegrey333 · 15/10/2020 14:56

The OP didn’t actually mention a thing about being sexually appealing. I took it to mean a wider context. I agree with her.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/10/2020 14:57

I didn't realise feminism required you to look scruffy and unkempt when you don't want to.

SpaceOP · 15/10/2020 14:58

Well, I think it's true overall but not just for women. I mean, yes, chances are that a man dressed scruffily won't be seen as negatively as a woman dressed scruffily, but he WILL be seen less well than a man who is well dressed/neat/clean etc.

Flyonthewall01 · 15/10/2020 14:58

Then surely that's just obvious? You wouldn't go to an interview in leggings and and jumper as you wouldn't be well thought of. You'd go dressed up. Why wouldn't it be the same in the rest of life?

Laburnam · 15/10/2020 14:58

Always lived by the motto “Get up, dress up, show up, never give up” nothing to do with how the outer world perceives me though

Flyonthewall01 · 15/10/2020 15:00

@Janegrey333

The OP didn’t actually mention a thing about being sexually appealing. I took it to mean a wider context. I agree with her.
No which is why I was asking for clarity as not being scruffy and unkempt isn't related to feminism.
KetoPenguin · 15/10/2020 15:03

I'm going the opposite way, working on not caring about what others think of me and just do what makes me happy.

Janegrey333 · 15/10/2020 15:04

@Flyonthewall01

I think the OP would have been clear from the outset if she was referring to that.

BashfulClam · 15/10/2020 15:06

Hence nothing will ever change.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 15/10/2020 15:06

@KetoPenguin

I'm going the opposite way, working on not caring about what others think of me and just do what makes me happy.
Yeah, I'd rather do this too - I don't give a fuck, a stranger's opinion means nothing to me
Flavabobble · 15/10/2020 15:07

It's less to do with how you "look" and more "how you present yourself".

MrMeeseekscando · 15/10/2020 15:10

I present myself as well as I can these days and honestly, it works.
Unfortunately.

adarkwhisperinthewoodwasheard · 15/10/2020 15:11

I think this is true, but not necessarily because of looks. A few years ago I got in shape, lost weight, and bought lovely clothes with the money I'd saved on eating crap. People were nicer to me, but it's more because because I was confident in the way I looked and in myself. This made me more relaxed and I walked around with a smile rather than BRF or permanent Daily Fail sad face. People responded to that, rather than the clothes I think

Auto · 15/10/2020 15:19

The upside of being a more casual type is that it's easier to tell who is a nice person by how they treat you if you're not looking particularly perfect Grin

stickygotstuck · 15/10/2020 15:23

@Auto

The upside of being a more casual type is that it's easier to tell who is a nice person by how they treat you if you're not looking particularly perfect Grin
So true!
polarbearoverthere · 15/10/2020 15:29

@Lardlizard

Yes the latter, although I never put my hair in a Ponytail !!
Feeling anxious as someone who sometimes wears ponytails... What's wrong with ponytails?
nutmegtea · 15/10/2020 15:32

I suppose it depends on what you like, I tend not to like the very glam or very polished look. I think its a bit boring and conventional, not very imaginative.

Lludmilla · 15/10/2020 15:32

YANBU at all. I've met too many people who seem to think letting themselves go is some sort of badge of 'my mind is on higher things than mere superficial appearances' honour. Well, either they think that or they pretend to think it because they can't be arsed to make an effort.

Before anyone accuses me of being shallow/superficial, I'm not. I just happen to think basic decent grooming is a mark of respect for oneself and others. And I mean men as well as women.

QueenofmyPrinces · 15/10/2020 15:36

Good for you OP.

I tend to find it’s a lot easier to get what I want if I have a little flirt with men to get it.

Some men are pretty shallow and feel flattered by female intention (even if it may be insincere) and I don’t see anything wrong with playing on that in the right circumstances.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 15/10/2020 15:39

Absolutely. Since I let my hair go grey and embraced the joy of stretch trousers and properly waterproof coats, I find young men hold doors open for me all the time, it’s great.