Opinions on bedroom sharing?

[CloudyVanilla]

In your experience what aged can boys and girls share a room comfortably still?

They are fine now (currently 5, nearly 3 and a baby) but I was hoping to stay put in our current property until my baby started school in 5 years time and probably for another 6 years so DD would finish primary school before we moved.

That would make DD 11; would that be okay to share with a 9 year old little brother or would it be too cramped and stressy? It's a long way off but I want to buy so I do need to be thinking about how many years we can be saving for.

Personally I would have they sharing once you DD starts puberty/periods. Which nowadays can be as early as 9. What sex is the baby? Do they all share? could the baby share with the child of the same sex? Sharing with a sibling 5 years younger isn't ideal but better than different sexes IMO. However needs must, if you can't afford to move you will have to come up with a plan, but well done for thinking so far in advance!

wouldn't have them sharing

Thank you :) we can give them the large bedroom as they grow, it's so big it could easily be divided but it wouldn't be able to be done with any substantial measure - e.g. it would have to be a curtain and furniture creating the barrier and I don't know if that's good enough

I think the recommended top age for an elder girl to be sharing wirh a younger brother is 10. Personally I think that is pushing it a bit. No privacy anywhere away from a little brother, and depending on what age puberty hits, could be awkward and at times unpleasant for your daughter. Hormones from both of them will starting affecting moods etc anytime from around 9, so something to bear in mind.

I've seen some lovely ideas for kallax boxes as room dividers?

I think it would be fine with kallax/curtain for the sake of 1 year so DD doesn't have to move schools in year 6. I still happily shared with my brother at 11 and 8 (didn't start puberty until year 8/9ish).

Will it all three of them sharing? Is there anywhere else private in the house?

If it's a case that the then 11yo can do homework/read etc elsewhere and just sleep in the bedroom, it would work. But an 11yo trying to do homework in a room with a 5yo sleeping could be trickier. Or getting into their stuff all the time.

But many siblings have no choice but to share and manage fine.

I think it’s too old, sorry.

Also how far would you move? Secondary applications happen in the October, so if you are moving significantly, you might have to do it earlier to get DD into a preferred school. Same secondary catchment would be fine.

What happens if your daughter starts puberty at 9 and starts menstruating at 10? Won't she require privacy?

By 11 I think she will need to be either in her own room or sharing with another girl. She could be well into puberty and feeling the need for some privacy.

I had to share with my brother until I was 13, due to a lack of money, and I hated it.
I had no privacy at all, and I had to change in the bathroom as he’d just run in and out!
I think 11 is still a bit late, but if you can provide her with some privacy like a curtain or a divider, then she may be able to make it to that age without feeling too uncomfortable.

DD is almost 10 and shares a room with DS who's 7. They often share a bed.... My two have a playroom downstairs so they are only in their room for sleeping though, but I'd say it depends on the children and their relationship. We will separate our two when they consistently want their own rooms, but for now they're happy together.

YABU because there was a huge thread on this exact topic about 3 days ago.

Parents need to be taking the lead on it, really.

It puts the younger child at a real disadvantage if they don’t, especially when the younger child is a girl although I appreciate that isn’t the case here.

I really think that's too old. At 11yo she'll likely be starting puberty and may well have already started her periods etc. I doubt she'll want to deal with that while sharing a room with her little brother.

However you could get a bedroom divider or set up the furniture so they each have their own space without necessarily needing separate rooms. I've seen people set up wardrobes or bookshelves down the centre so each person has their own space - could that be a possibility instead?

MY my son and daughter didn't share a bedroom When my son was 11, he got all into techno stuff, not games or anything, he was into building computers and stuff, and his room was always full of wires and all the things computer wise. My daughter was 8 then, and she was always dancing around, doing gymnastic stuff, and had a desk set up for doing her art work, so had paints and pastels and all sorts all over the place. So they were lucky to have rooms of their own, as it would have been mayhem otherwise.

This isn't very helpful but it does depend a bit on their personalities and when pubety happens to start. I think you can probably get away with it until around 10-11 if you can divide the room in two so they have a private area.

Here's the thread from last week on exact same topic with 67 posts: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4045731-When-does-it-become-inappropriate-for-a-boy-girl-to-share-a-bedroom-trigger-warning-MNHQ?pg=1

My DD started puberty just before 9. Proper teenage mood swings, body changes (pubic hair, breasts, smelly armpits etc.). Started periods at 10, nearly 11. No way would she have been happy sharing a room with a brother past then. She barely coped sharing a bathroom!

If there's really no choice then they would have to put up with it, as long as they have their own space elsewhere in the house for playing and school work and the bedroom is just for sleeping. But it's far from ideal.

You might also want to rethink moving in the year when you're making secondary applications, that would be the worst of all worlds. You wouldn't be able to apply in the new area until you were actually living there or as a minimum had exchanged contracts. So you would have to apply for secondaries from your old address, which may not be suitable depending on the distances involved. Honestly, I would avoid that at all cost. Much much better to make DD do one or two years in a new school at primary level than to have to try to get a secondary transfer in the first year. We've had 3 new joiners in Year 6 this year, it's not uncommon.

No I dont think that's suitable. 3 kids at very different stages is going to cause a hell of a lot of conflict. Plus no privacy for getting changed or having friends over. You can keep baby in your room until they're 2 and then you'll need to have the two same genders share and the other have their own room.

[quote changerr]Here's the thread from last week on exact same topic with 67 posts: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4045731-When-does-it-become-inappropriate-for-a-boy-girl-to-share-a-bedroom-trigger-warning-MNHQ?pg=1[/quote]
People are not breaking any guidelines by stating a thread on more than one subject. The OP is asking for advice on her situation and she is not in any way unreasonable to do so. Stop trying to shut her down and bully her.

My boy and girl GC's are 9 and have always shared, but their home is plenty big enough for them to have separate bedrooms when they wish. They have talked about it but don't want them just yet.

end of primary is the perfect time frame.
as a pp said, be aware of the secondary application of you plan to move aroudn that time though.

But where is the baby going to go?

i would put 2 same sex siblings in together and give the other one the small bedroom.

Just to be aware, I have 2 dds, both of whom started periods aged 12, so not early at all, but they began body changes at age 8, and had significant boobs and body hair by age 10. Not great in the same room as a little brother.

The legal definition of overcrowding is children of the opposite sex sharing a room beyond the age of 10. The NSPCC says that it should be avoided if at all possible, and if it's not possible then you need to have regular discussions about how they feel about sharing a room and make sure they understand the PANTS rule.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/sharing-a-bedroom/#

NSPCC: "we recommend that girls and boys over the age of 10 have their own bedrooms – even if they're siblings or step-siblings"

If the room can be divided it’s very easy to put up a stud wall/plasterboard and be clever with storage.