Opinions on bedroom sharing?

[CloudyVanilla]

In your experience what aged can boys and girls share a room comfortably still?

They are fine now (currently 5, nearly 3 and a baby) but I was hoping to stay put in our current property until my baby started school in 5 years time and probably for another 6 years so DD would finish primary school before we moved.

That would make DD 11; would that be okay to share with a 9 year old little brother or would it be too cramped and stressy? It's a long way off but I want to buy so I do need to be thinking about how many years we can be saving for.

You have similar age gap to us but mine are girl, girl, boy. In our old house for a while all three shared then the eldest wanted her own room at about 9 and so the younger two shared until we moved here, DD2 was 9. In this house the girls share and DS has the box room. But we have a good sized playroom so toys are pretty much all in there.

I shared with my brother until I was 8 and he was 6, but I think it's perfectly possible for children to share until much older if that's the only option.

@Justmeandtwokids

DD is almost 10 and shares a room with DS who's 7. They often share a bed.... My two have a playroom downstairs so they are only in their room for sleeping though, but I'd say it depends on the children and their relationship. We will separate our two when they consistently want their own rooms, but for now they're happy together.

Please, please, start to discourage this.

I know enough people who were abused by a sibling, just a couple of years apart, but onbe wnats to start 'experimenting'

You ar enot doing them any favours by letting them share a bed.

@rainyoutside I think that @changerr was trying to be helpful by linking to a relevant post.
Id say the word "exact" does make it look a little like she is implying something but also likely not.

I’d have to dispute it’s helpful to come onto a thread with YABU - not because the OP is being unreasonable but because you don’t like the thread: shock horror it has been posted before!

Robust I like. Robust is good. But there’s a difference between robust debate and loud mouthed bullying.

i dont know the room size/ layout but recently seen some fab DIY split room jobs in the paper etc. things like bunbeds being used to divide a room (just using a sheet of wood to block one side of each bed). Like this photo.

I think 10 is workable, you can make almost anything work if you are creative. I'd also try thinking creatively about household space beyond bedrooms which might offer solutions.

Council house guidelines are aged 10. If you own/rent privately there are no restrictions but 10 is a good benchmark as most girls have not fully entered puberty yet (some do but they are outliers). If you can't afford to move until later then you'll have to make do but ideally I would want to start looking sooner rather than later

@TulipsandDa1s1es

i dont know the room size/ layout but recently seen some fab DIY split room jobs in the paper etc. things like bunbeds being used to divide a room (just using a sheet of wood to block one side of each bed). Like this photo.

that room is amazing isn't it? And isnt actually that big

I know enough people who were abused by a sibling, just a couple of years apart, but onbe wnats to start 'experimenting'

I would assume a young child who wants to 'experiment' in that way has probably been a victim of abuse themselves. It is not normal and we do a disservice to the victims to pretend it is inevitable when a brother and sister share a room.

It’s more normal than people like to think, to be honest.

A boy and a girl of the ages indicated shouldn’t be regularly sharing a bed. It’s silly and it’s disrespectful, to the girl especially.

Not eating til 13.00
Fasting forv36 hours once or twiceva week

Thanks all for the suggestions; they also have a play room downstairs but due to the layout of the house I've never considered it suitable as a bedroom (it's the only room downstairs and right by the front door.

I think I will set my sharing limit at 9 then.

She is quite mature for her age; in the event that we need to stay here would a sensible 10 year old be able to have a downstairs room if we are upstairs? We would have extra security - an extra window lock, door locks and something like Simply Safe if we resorted to that.

My daughter is 12 and a half, and only now would she be self conscious and possibly struggle a bit with sharing. They will have to be taught to respect privacy and knock before entering, but I can't see anything wrong with it. Saying that, my daughter doesn't understand some social boundaries (ADHD) so other children may find it harder younger. I think it can be made to work though. I certainly don't think that children shouldn't share.

@changerr

YABU because there was a huge thread on this exact topic about 3 days ago.

So? Different people replied, she'll get different perspectives and will have different issues re schools etc

@CloudyVanilla

She is quite mature for her age; in the event that we need to stay here would a sensible 10 year old be able to have a downstairs room if we are upstairs? We would have extra security - an extra window lock, door locks and something like Simply Safe if we resorted to that.

Could you go downstairs and have all the kids upstairs?

Thanks for the insight. They do have a play room too so the room will be only for sleeping and relaxing, desk for homework etc.

Our house is weird, there are only 3 rooms bar the kitchen and bathroom but each room is very big. One is so big it could easily be 2 bedrooms but it is rented and we have no option to install any long term changes. I could try and clear it in future if it came to that but I'm hoping it won't! We are talking at the very least about 4 years in the future here, and if DD is anything like me won't hit puberty at all until 11/12.

@rainyoutside

It’s more normal than people like to think, to be honest.

A boy and a girl of the ages indicated shouldn’t be regularly sharing a bed. It’s silly and it’s disrespectful, to the girl especially.

So it's disrespectful to a girl to tell her she can't have a sleepover with her brother as he might sexuality abuse her, bit it's ok to treat all boys past, what, 10? as would be rapist's?
I'm not denying it happens but do you really look at your son's and assume that if they have chance, they'll abuse any girls they can get near to? I'm sure that's not damaging them at all....

@SleepingStandingUp it's a possibility but baby would still be a pre schooler, I've always been close to the little ones bedroom and I don't know how I feel about them having access to the kitchen and bathroom unsupervised (the 4 year old that is)

At the moment the downstairs room (which is a large garage conversion) is a living/dining room on one side and play room on the other. Older kids share double bedroom, we and baby have the master which is the one that could easily be split up if we were allowed.

I had to share with my half brother who is 8 years younger than me, up until the age of 18, whenever I stayed at my dads (2 nights a week). We survived.

@MuserOwl

Not eating til 13.00 Fasting forv36 hours once or twiceva week

That'll sort the bedroom issues 😂

[quote CloudyVanilla]@SleepingStandingUp it's a possibility but baby would still be a pre schooler, I've always been close to the little ones bedroom and I don't know how I feel about them having access to the kitchen and bathroom unsupervised (the 4 year old that is)[/quote]
Your kitchen is upstairs?

@SleepingStandingUp yup.

@19lottie82 yah my mum had to share with all her siblings until they moved out! And a relative has to have their 11 yo girl and 15 yo boy share. But it's hard to ask for example how they feel about it without seeming critical their situation