Opinions on bedroom sharing?

[CloudyVanilla]

In your experience what aged can boys and girls share a room comfortably still?

They are fine now (currently 5, nearly 3 and a baby) but I was hoping to stay put in our current property until my baby started school in 5 years time and probably for another 6 years so DD would finish primary school before we moved.

That would make DD 11; would that be okay to share with a 9 year old little brother or would it be too cramped and stressy? It's a long way off but I want to buy so I do need to be thinking about how many years we can be saving for.

[quote CloudyVanilla]@SleepingStandingUp yup.[/quote]
Ok then no, I get your point. I assume locking the kitchen is a fire and safety hazard.

Given the lack of kitchen downstairs, I'd consider putting DD down there but look at getting a high lock for outside doors and locking the windows etc

I think you're right it's the best option! Hopefully we will be moved into a less unconventional house by then :)

I think the other thing we have to bear in mind is not every one has much choice. The alternative for some is either a sofa or sharing with a parent and not everyone would be happy with that.

Up until this time last year when we finally moved my two shared. Ds was 12 and dd 8, they argued a huge amount of the time and dd would spend most of her waking time in our room so ended up being mainly for sleeping. I didn't realise how bad it was until we moved and the peace is bliss as everytime she wanted to go in to get something world war 3 would break out.

My dd got very adamant about body privacy at age 5, so sharing with a brother even at that age would have been very difficult. I would be sure you have a plan for some privacy the minute either child requests it, even if that is a curtain or a bookshelf.

people have to do what they have to do. My grandmother shared a bed with her 3 siblings, boys and girls, until she left her parents home to get married. She didn’t seem to have been traumatized by the experience, though she knew it wasn’t ideal.

sleepy, I don’t look at my son or any boy and think of him as a potential rapist. That’s not what I’m saying here at all.

However, when abuse does occur it is overwhelmingly men or boys abusing and assaulting women or girls. Demonising boys is obviously damaging but I don’t think it is damaging to give children of both sexes privacy as a given. Sharing a bedroom or a bed in particular being a normal occurrence in households may lead to one or both children feeling this is normal and what the parents want and if anything untoward DOES happen at least one child may feel that’s OK, because parents allowed or even encouraged a shared room or bed.

I don’t necessarily think it’s common, but I’ll be honest - I don’t know if it’s perhaps more common than we think. I suspect it might be.

We are no more demonising boys by not allowing them to share a bed with girls than we are demonising men by not allowing them access to women’s changing rooms. We simply accept this as a given. This shouldn’t not be the case because the boy and girl are related.

We had to move and stop sharing with my brothers when I turned 10

I think it is too old yes. With 3 kids and a two bedroomed place I think you need to move sooner than 5/6 years.

@Terrace58 my kids aren't there yet, very much run round in the nude as soon as they get the opportunity type kids. But yes she has a short midsleeper that had a curtain so has her own privacy if necessary. Even at 5 has her own desk space to do homework etc.

I certainly won't be moving before 4 years. Surely puberty is the only thing that makes separate rooms a necessity provided everyone has adequate space and privacy when necessary.

@june2007 yes, the weird thing about our house is the rooms really are a great size, there just aren't many of them.

What we were thinking is if push came to shove, me and dp would be happy to get a nice big corner sofa that converted to a bed and have the largest room as a living room dining room/our sleeping room, then at least the boys and DD would have separate rooms.

DD 13 and DS 8 have just stopped sharing. We've given up our bedroom and turned our dining room into a room for us as the children needed their space and privacy but we can't afford a bigger house yet.

My girl boy twins shared until 9 years old. I think we could have gone a bit longer but now they are 10 and a half I think they would be unhappy sharing now.

Up to secondary age then split. I shared with my brother for a while growing up and my parents partitioned the biggest room off. It meant we had tiny rooms but privacy. I had the end one so had to walk through my brothers room to get to mine (I was older than him)

No way would I go for this, they may chose to share but no I would not force them to, as in having no option not too

I don’t think it’s just about puberty. They’re all young now but as they get older their personalities will become more defined and even if they’re very similar everyone wants some alone time. Not having any private space to go to wouldn’t be okay for me. If you’re in rented then I’d look to move to a different rental. I’d even prefer an overall smaller home that provides more rooms over large but no privacy.

@CountFosco

I know enough people who were abused by a sibling, just a couple of years apart, but onbe wnats to start 'experimenting'

I would assume a young child who wants to 'experiment' in that way has probably been a victim of abuse themselves. It is not normal and we do a disservice to the victims to pretend it is inevitable when a brother and sister share a room.

sorry, but as someone who has done many years of safeguarding training, you are wrong on both counts.

1. It is certainly not the case that every teen who abuses has been abused themselves.
2. It is absolutely normal to take preventative measures to preven abuse happening. That is exactly what safeguarding is in all its forms.

Abuse between 2 kids is really quite common. It is not the case that it happens only in disfunctional families, or with kids who have been abused themselves.

Sharing rooms is very different to sharing a bed, and young teens can have some very scary and strong hormone surges, Much better not to have temptation literally at hand.

I would never allow two kids of opposite sex to share a bed once one reaches 10.

I want to say again, that my issue is with sharing the bed, not the room.

I think that sharing a room is just what many families have to do. The issue is, how can you creat for them their own space, and their own privacy.

My brothers shared and one is meticulously tidy and the other....isn't.
My parents put shelves across the middle and the boys added a strip of tape across the gap it meant that their areas were clearly defined and they were happy.
You can do a lot with curtains, etc.
I do think some will also be in how you deal with your ds when (as a normal 8 year old) he thinks it is funny to pull the curtain open on his sister, Not, I hasten to add for any sinister reason, but because she doesn't like it, and it makes her shriek and that makes him laugh.

Yes I think 9 is our upper limit now. We have plenty of options. And also just to clarify, just because they share a room doesn't mean there is no privacy or quiet time. They already have different activities and we can easily split them so younger two play a noisy game and DD does aqua beads at her desk while i cook, for example.

I didn't have my own room til teenage years, its no good tarring all situations with the same brush, not having your own bedroom doesn't automatically mean no privacy, tiny rooms, everyone all cramped together all the time.