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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Started seeing a guy but he’s active on fabswingers

57 replies

Appleang · 14/10/2020 21:40

I just started seeing a guy, being seeing each other for 3 months. . I am really into him and he says he feels like wise. One of my best Gay friends Said he spotted him on fabswingers stating he was bisexual and available. I set up a fake account. Was only on 5 mins and he had put a friend request through. I played along and said fancy meeting up he said free tonight. I feel sad on soo many levels. It’s bad enough he’s on this site, let alone wanting to meet up with a stranger during a pandemic he could make my family or I ill or worse. What should I do next how should o handle this? Please I need advice and support.

OP posts:
SideEyeing · 14/10/2020 21:42

Bin.

Mummy2niah · 14/10/2020 21:43

Block him and move on sis..

LavaCake · 14/10/2020 21:43

Doesn’t sound like you two have compatible views on sex / relationships. This early on you’re best to cut your losses and let the relationship go.

AdoptAdaptImprove · 14/10/2020 21:44

Just tell him you’re not willing to waste time on someone who lies to you, and you don’t want to see him any more! It’s no more difficult than that.

RuffleCrow · 14/10/2020 21:45

Just leave him to it. Nothing wrong with being bi. Everything wrong with cheating and putting you at risk.

MinnieMD · 14/10/2020 21:45

Bin him.
Surprised he had a face pic visible for your mate to recognise him though, the stupidity would put me off even more.

Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 21:45

Should I confront him on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 21:46

I don’t have an issue with being bi. I’ve dated bi men in the past. It’s why he hid it from me I don’t understand

OP posts:
Wonkydonkey44 · 14/10/2020 21:47

Yuck .... move on.

emilybrontescorsett · 14/10/2020 21:49

Either arrange to meet and don't turn up.
Or arrange for o meet and do then up and confront him. Either way bin him.

ReneeRol · 14/10/2020 21:55

You sure it's him? If so, run if that's not what you're into!

Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 22:00

We were meant to meet on Friday. He messaged me to make arrangements. I just replied I can’t see him anymore.

OP posts:
BigBadVoodooHat · 14/10/2020 22:00

What should I do next how should o handle this? Please I need advice and support.

My advice is to marry him forthwith because he sounds absolutely ace.

I totally understand why you’re at a loss about what to do next, though. It must be really hard to work out what to do for the best when a brand new partner arranges to swinger-cheat on you in the middle of a global pandemic.

PicaK · 14/10/2020 22:01

Make sure it's him.
Then bin

NotOfThisWorld · 14/10/2020 22:03

Glad you've binned him OP. So disappointing after getting into him over the last 3 months but just be grateful you're not two years down the line, pregnant with his baby.

Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 22:03

@BigBadVoodooHat

What should I do next how should o handle this? Please I need advice and support.

My advice is to marry him forthwith because he sounds absolutely ace.

I totally understand why you’re at a loss about what to do next, though. It must be really hard to work out what to do for the best when a brand new partner arranges to swinger-cheat on you in the middle of a global pandemic.

I know he's got to go but should o confront him. Or just walk away.
OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 14/10/2020 22:03

For me it wouldn't be about being bi/swinging ect... It would be about the fact he's still trying to make plans to meet other people when we've been seeing each other for 3 months.
Bin him off and move on.

lockdownalli · 14/10/2020 22:03

What's the point in confronting him?

Just block him and move on. Flowers

loutypips · 14/10/2020 22:04

Just walk. No point in confrontation.

ChaToilLeam · 14/10/2020 22:07

Just bin him, move on. I wouldn’t waste time and energy on confronting him, he’s clearly quite shameless.

Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 22:08

I just told him what happened. I was afraid if I didn’t he would turn up on the doorstep. Don’t want kids upset. Apparently I’m batshit crazy. And like all his ex’s projecting on to him. So I’ve escaped not only a cheat but a gas lighter too.

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 14/10/2020 22:13

A lucky escape for you there then.

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 14/10/2020 22:15

If you want to confront, do so. If not, you owe him no explanations. There's no definite right or wrong in these situations.

Personally, I'd probably want to tell him you know he's been looking to meet up with other people and has lied to you, put you at risk, etc., but on the other hand, maybe that would help him learn from his mistakes and increase the chances that he'll fool some other woman with his lies.

Original poster
Appleang · 14/10/2020 22:15

@OrigamiOwl

A lucky escape for you there then.
Totally. Blocked him now. He came clean. But apparently it's all my fault. Oh well. Thanks for the support. Too embarrassed to talk to my girlfriends about this. So thank you.
OP posts:
CiCiFreakingBabcock · 14/10/2020 22:15

Lucky escape. You're probably on to this already but book in for a sexual health check pronto.